My Mosaic

Hi @Snowie sorry I haven’t been around don’t think I can be here doesn’t feel safe. Always a target and getting into trouble and no one seems to care to explain or answer questions so it’s just best I stay away. Too upsetting otherwise. I know you’ve had a rough week, please know I’ve been thinking of you heaps and will continue to do so.

I’m safe incase anyone wondered. And I don’t really need much from the community? So am I even allowed to post this cause I don’t need anything?? Maybe some understanding? I don’t know. I’m just very broken at the moment.

Thanks @Jynx

Hope things are going ok for you

Hey @Bow

No need to be sorry hon. You need to do what is best for you at all times.

I'm sorry things are so hard at the moment and that you don't feel safe on the forums.

I'm finding them a difficult place to be lately too.

I am always thinking of you too and do have some relief that you are at least safe.

You will always have a place in my heart hon.

Hi @Snowie thank you 💗 you know I appreciate you.

I seen my psychologist today. Was a rough one. I cried pretty much as soon as I started talking. I didn’t want tears with him, but couldn’t stop them.

dont know what else is allowable to say so I’ll stay quiet.

I hope today has been kind to you? Miss you 😢

Thought of you @Jynx when I seen this picture just now…. Imagined you frolicking through the wild barefoot

@Snowie Hope your day has been bareable 💗

Hi dear @Bow

I'm sorry to hear about your psych appt. but in one way it is good that you could show him what was happening for you. Hopefully he was able to help even in a small way.

Up very early this morning, had ECT. All went ok, just home on the couch now.

Out tomorrow for H's grandmas birthday. They are having a big party at one of her daughters houses about a 1 1/2 hours from us. She is turning 100 so even though I would rather not go (not looking forward to having to socialise) it is very important that we do go.

How has your day been?

Yeah I think some of the stuff we talked about was helpful @Snowie but I absolutely have no memory of it right now. I told him that I always have that issue… remembering things and that’s why he gave me the note book and encourages me to write stuff down during session… he will even say… this might be helpful to write down.

I wondered if you were due for ECT today. Glad it went ok. Wow 100! That’s awesome. I know it will be hard but I hope you can enjoy bits of it. I still remember my pops 90th birthday celebration. He died at 95, but lots celebrated his 90th and all the family came together. He’d be 120 this year.

my day has been a real struggle. Week has been hard. SW is away this week. So I’ve had my new SW. she’s been away the last 3 days. A random casual SW turned up on my doorstep this week to check in on me. No notice. Nothing. I struggle to talk to her, she doesn’t have the best communication skills. She asked… is there anything you need to tell me? In like a real accusational kind of way. And then said… I hope you get better soon… like I had a cold or something. And then I had my new CM start with me this week, she finally called today, didn’t have time to chat just to book an appointment for next week.
I made myself a new little golden book junk journal this week and am trying to get back into it but I really don’t have any motivation. Zero creative juices and then I sit for ages flipping through paper and stuff, cut things out and glue them in and then hate it and feel frustrated with myself. But still trying.

Urgh… so much hesitation hitting post. Don’t wan

do you have weekend plans?

That sounds like a good idea with your psych sessions @Bow Maybe writing things down might help. I've had some sessions like that too. Totally forgotten what has been discussed.

Yeah still having ECT monthly. I think it's helping, well it's kept me out of having an admission at least.

There will be lots there tomorrow for her 100th (H thinks over 150). She has 11 children herself and then add their children, their children and so on. There are people coming from interstate for it too. I've been with H for over 25 years and still haven't met all of his family. She's in a wheelchair now but her mind is still 100%.

I think after tomorrow, Sunday will be a recovery day!

Oh dear, does sound like you've had a few different supports around. Must be hard having new one's and others being away. I think I would struggle with talking to someone I've only just met. Think it's entirely normal.

I've never heard of a junk journal before. Have they helped in the past?

Have you got anything on for the weekend?

I’m glad ECT is helping hon @Snowie and keeping you out of hospital. Wish is was easier to access for me 😩

Wow she had a big family. Fingers crossed for you that it’s not too much and you are able to manage. Glue yourself to H hip and follow him around.
I hate social gatherings cause D is older now and goes off with the rest of the kids and I’m left standing by myself. Like a Nigel.

and most definitely a couch day on Sunday for sure!

I feel like everyone is so dismissive about all these changes in my supports. That I should just be able to cope and deal. But it’s not like that for me. It’s been a huge blow for me. Theyll think I’m not wanting support and disengaging cause I’ve locked myself away and withdrawn cause my whole world has literally been turned upside down. Absolutely nothing feels safe anymore.

junk journaling can be all sorts of things. People will use all sorts of items to stick in a journal. Paper, magazines, shop receipts, labels. Anything. I tend to use more aesthetically pleasing items to make a pretty page. I got a crate of cheap stuff I got off Temu that I use. And then I try and add a positive uplifting quote. So not really journaling per se.

I enjoyed it last time. So trying to push myself to do it in the hopes I’ll get back into it.

this weekend. D is at her father’s tomorrow and wants to try a sleep over again 😩 while I know she is older now, I still got all that fear. And it can happen at any age.