My Mosaic

I just feel so deeply disappointed and let down by everyone @Snowie ive totally lost faith in my supports. I’m so angry. But I feel so small and insignificant.
you can’t make this stuff up

Just a day at home tomorrow. I’m not sure what I’ll do. I came home today and crawled into bed. The rest of the day was a write off. I had planned to do D’s bedroom.

It’s good you got to talk with your pdoc sorry that things are hard with H and ECT

I don't blame you for feeling this way @Bow I think you have every right to feel let down and angry by the people around you and the system. It is so hard to build trust, and for that to be taken away in an instant is really hard. To been seen just as a 'patient' and not a person would be even more difficult.

Maybe a day at home might help a bit. A day just to yourself. Even if it's spent on the couch.

Will happily join you 💗

Don’t even feel like a patient @Snowie just a number on a file.

Let’s watch a movie together tomorrow

Sorry @Bow Just had to fill out the forms for H's op on Thursday.

A movie tomorrow sounds great hon

Will certainly join you

Good morning @Bow

Hope you got some sleep last night

Hi @Snowie

No didn’t sleep well last night. Was a bad night. And having a rough day. Feel so incredibly lonely and isolated. My psychologist can’t see me tomorrow either.

how r u?

Sorry your night was rough @Bow

Could the pscyh squeeze you in any other time?

Did you end up watching a movie today?

I'm ok. Just got back from dentist, had two fillings.

Early night tonight, have to be up at 5am to leave home.

Nope have to wait until next Thursday @Snowie

no. Spent a chunk of time in bed. Now sitting downstairs staring at my painting trying to find motivation to paint. But got zero.

was just talking to a helpline, once they know you haven’t done anything yet they drop back lose interest.

abandoned again

sorry about the dentist and having to get up early

im sorry I’m absolutely no company today. I’m just a shell and it’s feeling scary

Thats a shame they can't get you in any earlier @Bow

I know the helplines are hit or miss, but sometimes you get someone who really listens and helps.

You don't need to be sorry hon. You've got a lot happening.

Yeah could really do with an appointment @Snowie

just something else working against me I guess.

SW messaged me today. She’s always been understanding of what’s going on, she doesn’t even want to change. But today when I replied with how I was feeling… I’ve not really said too much to her cause shut down. She replied with the…. Life is constantly changing and we all need to learn the skills to adapt to change. Urgh. Fully aware of that. Felt like a kick in the guts while I was already down.

I burst into tears. They all must just hate me now. I get it. I’m difficult. I’m challenging. I’m hard work. They’d probably all just love it if I disappeared and didn’t have to work with me anymore.