My Mosaic

Hi dear @Bow

Sorry I wasn't around yesterday

I can understand feeling like you're being treated just as a number and not a person. It is hard to see that they care when they do this to you. Even with this new SW, just as you are getting comfortable with them the chance that they'll change again is high.

I know I can't say anything that will help hon. But please know I am here and listening. Even if I don't respond straight away, I am reading.

Sending lots of love and cuddles 💗💗🫂🫂

Thanks @Snowie

im really struggling. I’ve shut down. SW came to do a well being check this morning cause I didn’t go to my psych appointment this morning and didn’t respond to her. Still in my pjs curled up in the couch. She talked at me for nearly an hour. Basically repeating herself, could have said it all in 10mins and then left. I just nodded. No words.

haven’t eaten. Done stuff last night. I feel sick. But sigh. SW didn’t even ask any check in questions? 🤷🏼‍♀️

hope you are ok?

Hi @Bow

I was hoping that that wasn't the case, shutting down and closing off to everyone.

I don't blame you hon, probably would have done the same thing myself.

Sometimes I don't think they want to know the answers to those 'questions'. More work for them.

Can you maybe at least have some fluids?

Been sewing D's costumes for dancing. Keeps my head occupied at least.

Don’t know what else to do @Snowie cant help it. Walls up and going into hiding.

yeah that’s true eh

feeling so sick this afternoon managed a bit of water

what kinda costume?

D’s school put a call out today for helpers for their school production. Sewers, art and craft people. That’s all me, but I can’t.

i think it is very understandable that those walls are going up @Bow

well done on the water hon, better than nothing

I know your mum jnows a bit, but does she know just how much it is affecting you?

It's a leotard. Been glueing gems to it. Is a work in progress.

Do what you need hon. If you can't commit to helping than that is fine. You need to put you first

I’m trying to put words to these feelings and thoughts I’m having @Snowie so much is going on inside my head.
I don’t know if you know anything about it, but way back in the day when I first starting dealing with some of my trauma, from a Christian point of view, I was told about soul ties, and whenever a person sexually assaults you in a certain way your souls become attached and you are tied together until you break that soul tie. (I don’t know if I explained it properly, maybe someone else knows how better to explain @Jynx you not Christian but I think you grew up that way? And or maybe this is also a non religious thing too? Soul ties?) anyway, I have this thought/ feeling with all this, that every time I have to sit and tell my story to someone else… it’s something, I don’t know what, and can’t find the words, but there is all these people out there walking around that know this stuff about me, this real hard vulnerable stuff that I wish that I never had to tell a soul, but I’ve had to. And I can hear all you folk saying but oh just remember that all those individuals have had some role in your healing yadda yadda…. But no. that’s not the warm fuzzy feeling I’m getting. I wish I could of just had 1 psychologist instead of 5, 1 gp instead 4, 1 case manager instead on 3, 1 SW instead of 3, and I don’t even know how many pdocs I’ve had… 10+ just off the top of my head… 4 alone this year. Plus the countless medical people during hospital admissions.
I don’t know where I was going with that but just wait while I put another row of bricks up around my wall cause that’s what I feel I need after that.

Hey @Bow ,

Good to read your post. I"m guessing things have been hard?

I will do some back reading shortly, but wanted to let you know I'm here 🙂

Hello @Snowie too

I'm thinking of you both. Missing you all!

Hey @Bow

That is a very interesting way of seeing it hon, soul ties. I've never heard it described that way but I can see how people would.

I was never brought up religious. I don't think I stepped inside a church until I was about 19.

I guess I do think that part of me is with my abusers. That they have chipped away at me. Getting that part back, I'm not sure if I have or I can. I guess we all think of it differently.

I do get that there are many out there that know my story. I don't really feel comfortable with that either. For you, the would be a lot more people that know your story and it would be hard. How do you know you won't see a 'person' out in public, knowing just how much they know.

If only having 1 gp, 1 psych, etc, it would be much better. It's unfortunate that that isn't the case.

If writing it all down helps hon, then use this as much as you need. I can't always get back to you straight away, but do know that I am reading it and will respond.

Hi @tyme

Nice to see you on here

I hope things have been going well for you