My Mosaic

@Snowie Nah don’t have any frozen meals. If I was in the right head space I would have prepared for this weekend and had something ready. But my ED was like sweet, D isn’t here I’ll run wild.

did you go down to the market?

I’ll try to remember to give that a go @Jynx … being mindful.

yeah 5/5 is a long way away when I’m struggling like I am. CM said I guess if I end up going into hospital once mum gets back then I’ll get to see a pdoc then. That’s still 2 weeks away when mum gets back and then another 2 weeks after that that I’ll go in cause I have a few appointments and stuff before hand. And when it’s already been a number of weeks and I was suppose to see someone tomorrow…. I was less than impressed but tried to be nice cause my CM had just got back from being really sick.

if I remember to call up the clinic to book the kittens in tomorrow, it’s usually 2 weeks, just depends how busy they are and when they can fit them all in on the same day.

baby wipes are very helpful. And my psychologist suggested some mouthwash, which I think I have some, so should get it out.

glad you had an alright time. And yep for sure family can be intense.

D and I will get to the beach on Friday, which will be nice

I normally make extras @Bow when I cook and then freeze them. Kids normally eat them though.

Have to feed everyone tonight.

Market was good. It was a yearly 'festival' market so lots of stall holders that don't normally go to the local monthly market. Just lots and lots of people. Prn helped and luckily I had H by my side to make it a little easier.

Is D taking the day off school when you go to the book sale? Gee I wish I could go with you!

@Bow the fact that you were given this news and still chose to be nice to your CM shows how much compassion and care you truly have hun. I have been listening to this audiobook (a follow up to 'Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents' [or ACEIP if you like], called 'Self Care for ACEIP') that spoke about the fact that our neurons have two basic functions - action, and inhibiting action. The book spoke about the fact that inhibiting action takes just as much, sometimes more, of our energy than doing the action. So whenever we 'bite our tongue' so to speak, it can take up just as much energy as getting upset!! Which is a new thing for me to have learned. So I guess, kudos for holding back, when you probably wanted to tell her about just how much this will impact you.

Is your mum already away? I can imagine it's a tough prospect to have to hold on to so much for so long, especially without her around too.

Yessss baby wipe baths, mouthwash, easy/quick/frozen meals, all of it can help reduce that mental load. Have you been able to do much arty or painting/furniture kinda activities?

Aww cute, I hope the weather is nice for it!! What's your fav thing to do with D at the beach? Sandcastles? Looking for cool shells and rocks and sea glass? Splashing amongst the waves?

Sounds like a nice market @Snowie did you buy anything?

yeah D will get Friday off school. It’s a treat twice a year!

Brought some local jam, honey and salami @Bow I've brought them before and they are yummy.

Sometimes I think learning happens outside the classroom too. I think it says a lot that your D is so into books.

I was silent for a while @Jynx while I breathed through my anger…. Sounds like an interesting book.

yeah mum left on Wednesday, back on the 28th. I usually have this honeymoon period where I love mum being away. Freedom, independence, feel like a proper adult. Usually like a week and then I start to struggle and crash.But I haven’t had any of that this time really. I was already struggling and in a bad way.

At least the big debacle around my pdoc appointment a couple of weeks ago and the pdoc calling my mum despite being told not to, mum kinda knows the struggle and said if I need ECT in hospital then that’s ok. I think it was a relief her knowing. A weight/pressure lifted. But now it’s the load to carry and get through the next few weeks.

I have been a bit crafty. I’ve finished off 60 art pieces for market today. Just need to frame them. I posted this the other day…

the table there I’ve also scrapped all the paint off it. Messy job. Had to do it slowly cause of my bad shoulder, but it’s done now. Need to now test if the gadget we have downstairs is a wood planer or not. Would have been my stepdads. Mum isn’t sure and I have no idea, so will test it on some old wood. Then hopefully if it is I’ll smooth out the top and I have a floral image that I’m gonna paint on it. Not real sure what I’ll do with the rest, probably a solid colour.

this is the box of 60 art pieces I’ve done over the last few days. Ready to frame. @Snowie

we actually found a great beach for rocks! So I’ll take a few bags to fill. And then maybe go to a sandy beach for a bit of a wander and play. Some fish and chips and an ice cream on the way home.

Oh yum @Snowie ive asked mum to bring me back some leatherwood honey from tassie.

absolutely! I love that she is so into books and reading. She was up late rearranging her books last night! Banging about it sounded like elephants!

I love the local jam @Bow and H likes the salami. He gets the hottest one!

My D is into books and reads a lot too. I do think it comes from when they are young. Being read too, seeing mum reading a lot and into books. Having lots of books in the house.

You've made so many new pieces hon. I hope you sell a lot. Do you do many for mothers day?

I do have some Mother’s Day pieces @Snowie plus I’ve done up some Lego minifigure Disney princess and marvel hero ones. I’m not sure we’ll be at market in may though if I’m inpatient.

currently curled up in the fetal position on the couch trying to hold back the tears. After all the words from my SW this arvo I really thought I’d be able to get in the shower but now I just can’t. Every ounce of energy is gone. Motivation zero. I really desperately want to get into bed. Can’t eat, feel sick.