My Mosaic

Would your mum still do the market if you are not there? Or is it too much of a struggle by herself?

It's ok if you can't get in the shower hon. Sometimes we use so much energy just being, that we haven't enough for anything else.

Will D be in bed soon since she has school tomorrow?

Hopefully you can go to bed soon.

@Bow sounds really tough when things are already hard, even though you're used to having a bit more of a lighter mood when she goes away. But I'm glad she's on board for supporting you to get treatment and everything. I can imagine that was a hard conversation but I'm glad you felt lighter afterwards. I know it's gonna be rough but maybe now that she's more aware, you could reach out to her from time to time to help you feel less alone in trying to make it through the next couple weeks. And if you get any 'guilty feelings' about contacting her while she's on holiday, just picture how you'd feel if you were away, and your D called you up to get some stuff off her chest. You'd probably be glad to be able to be there for her, right? Most parents prefer to be able to support their kids, regardless of where they are, rather than finding out later that their kid was struggling through it all alone.

Oooh those are so cute!! Very creative 😍 Haha hope your wood plane experimenting goes okay!! And that beach day sounds so lush, I reckon you two will have a wonderful time!

Don't stress too much about the shower - especially if you can just wash your face or give it a refresh with a baby wipe!! You got this! 💜

Nah @Snowie mum doesn’t drive, so if I’m not here she can’t do it. She couldn’t set up either without me, those marquees are big and painful to setup. Hopefully we can do April- which will actually be Easter Saturday I think. I’ll just have to have Mother’s Day stock available there, just won’t be able to personalize any.

yeah hopefully D will be in bed soon. She’s just had some ice cream and is unloading the dishwasher…. Not without any complaining mind you!

do you have a busy week?

Thats fair enough @Bow would be a lot for her on her own

I'm sure you will sell them at the April market, people normally start looking early.

My two used to complain too. I think they both realise now just how much I do. Hopefully it doesn't last for too much longer.

Not much on this week. Physio tomorrow and need to do some food shopping so will do that tomorrow too.

What is your week looking like?

Yeah @Jynx i FaceTime with mum every day! We’ve always done that when she goes away, just to stay in touch I guess. But even though she is more aware of things now I still don’t really tell her much.

my psychologist person that I met last week… I was talking about my struggle to get in the shower and how disgusted I feel about how long it’s been since I’ve showered. I think…. If I remember rightly, he talked about how disgust usually moves us towards change? I don’t really feel that. It just makes me frustrated.

@Bow do you think it would help to be able to talk to her more, now that she's more aware? Perhaps you could ask her to check in with you more directly if you find it hard to bring the topic up yourself.

Hmm I get what they're saying... I wonder if there's a blockage somewhere? I often find shame can end up being paralysing even when something like disgust, anger, or even guilt, is there motivating me. Because it sounds like you want to be showered, but perhaps the shame of how long it's been or how difficult it feels is blocking you from the actual action. What do you think?

Hi @Bow

Hope today is going ok hon.

Been doing anything?

Hey @Snowie

my moods pretty low today.

D was dragging her feet this morning, so we were out the door a bit later than usual, so I didn’t have time to get groceries before I needed to be back for a home visit with my CM. I just picked up my meds and came home.
Home visit was ok. I asked about having all the prep for ECT done before I went into hospital to save some time, and she said no. They will just redo it all over again. I also have to present to the ed too. Urgh. It sucks. And even though the team and my pdoc agree to me having ect the hospital pdoc has to approve it still. It’s stupid. So stupid. I’m really frustrated.

I framed a heap of my art work. It’s a time consuming process. I need to go to Kmart and get some more frames.

then my SW came by. I booked bloods in for Wednesday. They all been nagging, so yeah.

booked the kittens in for desexing. They will go next Friday 27th.

whatchoo been up to? You doing ok?

Glad you at least got your meds @Bow

That sucks about having to present to an ED just to get admitted for ECT. It does seem stupid that they cannot take CM or even the pdoc's recommendation. Seems a very complicated way to do it. Could save a lot of time for you to do the prep work before you go in.

Well done for getting some of your art work done. Hopefully you can get to kmart in the coming days. Also sounds like you've gotten some things in place for you and the kittens.

Went up the supermarket this morning and then to the physio. Came home and had a nap. Not much sleep last night. Woken up feeling a little better.

I really need to do some things around the house but just cannot be bothered, so sitting on the couch it is.

I have news @Snowie I finally had a shower!! Washed my hair. Shaved. I do feel very very fresh! If only this freshness was enough to motivate me every day. I chatted with my SW again about it cause I texted her last night when I felt so defeated when I crawled into bed without having one. Think I realised that aiming for a shower before bed wasn’t going to work for me cause I often have zero energy left then. So I decided to aim for one before I cooked dinner and it worked today. @Jynx too

i ate some dinner tonight too, we had chicken tacos. Ex asked today if he could have D for dinner Wednesday for his birthday… only thing I thought about was £]€¥ another night just me for dinner. Sigh.

Glad you got a nap in and felt a bit better.

so much stuff around the house that I wanna get done. I made a list. Trying to work through. My CM commented on how clean the house was, I disagreed with her. She reminded me to just focus on the essential stuff.