My Mosaic

Added a TW for you @Bow.

I'm glad that you're using that creative side of your brain to help you express how you're feeling.

When this storm has been brewing in the past, what has been helpful for you? What might be the warning signs that you are perhaps in need of some external intervention? What is going to help you to stay safe in this moment?

💜

I did some writing too @Jynx mostlu just words. Sentence. It doesn’t really make much sense. It’s a lot of noise.
I had a look at that scale. I wrote an 8 down.
just need to get through the night. Have a dietitian appointment first thing, not overly ideal but she is always supportive just not sure how focused I’ll be. Then I will most likely see my sw after that.

Hey I'm proud of you @Bow for not keeping it all bottled up! And journalling to my mind doesn't have to make sense. Better on the page than swirling around the brain. I mean it might still be swirly in there but I find that once stuff is written, it 'sticks' less in my brain.

How do you feel about the idea of letting your sw know that you're at an 8? Hope the dietitian appt goes okay too 🤞💜

That’s why I wrote it down.. kinda hope she will ask what it means and then I can tell her??

I thank you @Jynx

@gonna try sleep now

i be safe

ok

@Bow sounds like a good plan hun. Hope you're able to talk about the things you need to tomorrow. Thanks for letting us know you're safe 🙏 I send you many squishy hugs and sleepy vibes 💜

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

@Snowie @Jynx I slept rubbish last night unfortunately. But that’s not really any different.

i had a really helpful appointment with my dietitian this morning. I had been working on a pretty thorough email update which I sent to her yesterday. I find it so much easier to then talk about stuff, she just pulls bits and pieces out of my update, asks questions and always allows me to add anything else. We talk a lot about my body image struggles and chronic fatigue. We didn’t really talk much about ‘dietitian’ stuff, just that I want to reintroduce our meal plans each week cause I find it eases my anxiety and overwhelm at dinner. And also need to keep the limit I have put on my exercise. I explained to her that I recently went through all my clothes and put away all the clothes that don’t fit me anymore. I said that getting dressed to go out has been a really challenging time recently just with my body image issues, not feeling comfortable in my clothes, wanting to hide my body and it was made so much more worse cause my clothes didn’t fit. So I have eliminated the clothes that don’t fit and it has reduced the challenges a tiny bit. She said that was a beautiful example of self care and looking after myself.

then headed out to my arts and craft group- it’s back on now. Got to the office but couldn’t go in. I had sent my SW a text before leaving home, but she hadn’t replied. Worked up the courage to give her a call and she was at the office and she went outside to talk cause they have bad reception inside. Was glad she went outside cause I had kinda needed her to come out and walk inside with me. Stupid eh? I’ve been many times before. But my anxiety was bad today. There was actually no one there for arts and craft except for an ndis participant and he was playing cards. My SW and I went into a room I shared with her the picture I drew and a couple of pages of mostly words.

she assured me that I didn’t waste her time yesterday when I could hardly speak. She shared her genuine worry and concern for me cause of the place I was at. We talked… or more she talked for a good hour. She is really encouraging me to make a plan to go to hospital. @Jynx She seen my number 8…. Asked what it was for and I explained. She was like, yeah, you need to go to hospital. She was saying that if I can get to hospital, get some help, some treatment, then hopefully all the words I shared and that number 8 could all change. She suggested making a plan, some lists of the things I need to do before I would present to hospital and then a day to aim for.

Sigh. It feels big. Feels hard. Mums going to tassie in march. There is a meet the teacher in a couple of weeks that I want to go to. Sigh.😮‍💨

my SW is going to keep checking in to see if I have started making a plan or anything.

im due to see my CM tomorrow morning and then tomorrow afternoon I get all wired up for my sleep study.

Hi @Bow

I'm glad your dietitian appt. went well. She seems like a great support. Sounds like she would be a good psych too!

I think meal plans are a great idea hon. I make one every Sunday. What we are having for dinner, who's home and then make my shopping list around it. It does help when I don't have to worry about whats for tea that night. One less thing to worry about.

I don't think it's stupid not being able to walk in hon. Has happened to me with my psych. On more than one occasion she's had to come collect me from my car. It's good that you could share the pic and words with her. That takes a lot of courage. It sounds like it gave her good insight into how you are feeling at the moment.

I know it's hard thinking about making a plan for hospital. As a mum it is super hard. Working around our kid/s. Not wanting to miss out on things happening for them. I've had those feelings too. But sometimes you have to put YOU first hon (yes, I know it's easier said than done)

I also know that your SW wouldn't suggest this unless it was really necessary. SIGH

What's on for this afternoon hon? You've had a big morning

thanks @Snowie

I’ve crashed this arvo and things are bad. Kept thinking about the words my SW said to me and no can’t do any of it too hard

im so sorry

no really I am

No need to apologise @Bow for how you are feeling.

It might be too hard at the moment. Those words probably haven't sunk in yet. Remember, you only heard them today.

Sitting with you 💗💗