My Mosaic

I’m use to it to be honest @tyme and I don’t really like to drag people over here if they don’t want to. It doesn’t matter.

I think all the CM at my comm mh are at least trained psychologists. I guess not everyone sees a psych, so it’s handy to have some of those skills to help a bit. And my SW is not clinical at all, so there is only so much she can do, that’s why the CMs are psychs.

I had a text from the SW on shift today… just a ‘hope your having a nice day’. Rough day, so decided to reach out a bit, tell them I’m not really ok. Their response….. I know you have all the things in place to do and to reach out, you can do this. I’m so tired of people saying stuff like that. Assuming that I have what I need. Assuming that I can reach out when I need to. Assuming I can do it. Yeah, there have been times in the past when I have got through stuff. But you know it’s down right exhausting. And it’s not something I can manage much longer.

making calls to people that aren’t my CM and receiving calls when she is away is useless. Like if they are gonna call me to do a check in can they at least take 5 mins to have a quick read over my life so you know who you are calling?!

sorry I’m really not doing ok tonight. Feel like I’m slipping into that dicey space of not giving a crap.

Rain is forecast for next weekend @Bow just when I don’t want it. The squad I coach have regional trials then and I don’t want them postponed.

What are you painting?

Oh, well rain before then @Eve7 !

I’ve been up cycling an old vintage cupboard. I just store a lot of my arts and craft supplies in it. But it’s given me a bit of grief, had to strip some of it back. But just the final bits to do and a seal on it.

@Eve7 ! Missing you! So glad to see you pop by!

@Bow , honestly speaking, what do you think it would be like WITHOUT your CM and without your SW? Do you think you'd be able to:

1) maintain what you currently have

2) improve?

Only curious. I'm just thinking how much support are they really giving you and whether it becomes a false sense of security so that's why it upsets you when they really don't help when they say or send those messages?

Sorry if I'm not making sense!!!

I'm really sorry that you aren't feeling good at the moment and the assumptions people make really don't help you. I wonder if she was trying to make it an affirmation? From what I've read, it sounds like your SW really cares. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

Oh, and when I had case management, we had social workers, psychs, mental health workers etc as case workers. They defo weren't all psychs. Did you know that you can be a case manager with a certificate/diploma? I believe I read into this a few years ago.

So I should just be grateful for what I’ve got @tyme and if I don’t get the support I was after then I should just suck it up and deal?

this wasn’t my SW today. It was one of the other SW’s, they all work a weekend shift each month.

i think it all depends what field you work in. I was a case manager in OOHC and I only have a certificate 3. That was 10yrs ago though and they mostly expect everyone to have a degree now.

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@Bow wrote:

So I should just be grateful for what I’ve got @tyme and if I don’t get the support I was after then I should just suck it up and deal?

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Defo not! Sorry if it came out this way. I mean, like Captain, she had a CM for a long time, but after leaving her, only then did Captain realise it was hindering her recovery - not helping. So I wonder if your CM is helping? Only because I read that when you have to see her, you have a lot of stress and anxiety before, and usually after too.

The last thing you want it to hold onto supports which are really hinderances rather than supports.

Please note, I'm not telling you to stop seeing either of them. I was only asking to see your thoughts.

For my own example, when I was discharged from my BPD clinic, I felt so vulnerable and raw. I felt abandoned by them and neglected. Yet it was the 6 months after discharge when I made the most gain. I was able to practice the skills that I had accumulated over the years.

What are you doing at the moment any way?

I wonder if the forums are quiet because of the winter olympic games? @Bow

Well I don’t know @tyme I don’t even know how to think about that. I think with community mh it is difficult to get the ‘right’ support. Yes they offer a variety of different things, but I feel you often have to fit into their box, when perhaps you actually need them to fit around the box you have built. They have so many rules, policies and regulations and trauma has already created its own rules.

hope that makes sense.

I think it would be unwise to not have some supports. If I was to remove myself from CM, it would be goodbye to SW, pdoc and psychology and where would that leave me? Cause I absolutely can’t afford private pdoc and psychology. Was hard enough to get my foot in the door.

I just had some dinner. Now I’m sitting on my bedroom floor in tears. Thinking how utterly useless I am, a failure and a complete mess. What’s the point

sorry I can go

Hello @tyme thanks for the tag. I miss you too

Hey @Bow ,

Ah... true dat... I forgot that everything was linked to your CM... so in other words, you have to stick with your CM or you lose everything else. Makes sense now.

I read that your brain is saying you are useless and a failure, but from what I've seen, I definitely see otherwise. Our brain can tell us these things sometimes, especially when we feel most vulnerable.

You are more than that @Bow - believe me!

Good morning @Bow

Just leaving some 💗💗for you hon.

Hoping today goes ok for you