My Mosaic

I am sending you the biggest virtual hug (if that's okay!). @Bow

This can't be easy... experiencing a trauma anniversary is so incredibly vulnerable. And you're right, it does hurt and it is hard. I am really glad you have reached out to us for support. We are all here for you, okay? @Eve7 @Shaz51 @AlwaysMyself @Snowie

I am wondering if that feeling of wanting to disappear is coming from not having your supports around?

You're not a bother or too much work at all! It's okay not to know, can we try and figure it out together? 💛

Hugs are ok. Thank you @AuntGlow

nope not easy. I hate it very much. Body, brain making me remember things I don’t wanna.

maybe a little bit…. but not really. Yeah it makes things harder being alone, but even when they are around, I often don’t wanna face it.

my SW is suppose to be back tomorrow, I’m not sure if I will see her or not

Okay, I am glad to know this. @Bow

Talking to you has reminded me that I haven't had enough water today!! What about you?

I hear you. What if we redirected to outside things? How is D? And have you built any lego today?

I get that feeling... it can feel like a flood to the nervous system having to be with big sensations. I wonder what you and your support worker could do that might be grounding (if you see her)? 💖

No I haven’t had enough water today @AuntGlow i havent even had any cordial which means I haven’t drank enough at all. I will fill my drink bottle up soon to take to bed and will probably have a big drink then.

D is good. She can’t wait to go back to school. She’s going to my friends house tomorrow. My friend has her granddaughter for the week and even though there is a few years age gap, they enjoy each others company. They have a pool too, which D likes. It will give me the afternoon to myself.

I helped D with some Lego tonight. She got a big dragon set for her birthday it is 18+ but she will manage it with a little help. I did a floral set a couple of days ago.

I don’t know.

A big drink bottle before bed sounds like a great idea!! @Bow

Aww, I can imagine! And that's really sweet. What will you do with your afternoon to yourself?

How cool!! My mum actually bought me a flower lego for Christmas. I have never done any lego though hahah I might need to message you for tips, it looks hard! How did you find it? 🫶

Morning dear @Bow

Hoping you get some communication from your SW today. I know she is back from break.

Wishing you a better day today hon, sending lots of 💗💗

Thanks @Snowie

I was up in the middle of the night for ages cause I couldn’t resettle after a nightmare, so I sent her a text and she is coming to do a home visit this arvo.

im struggling a lot today, but helped mum set up a new garden mulched she got. And I did an undercoat on a piece of furniture. I like painting, it’s rather cathartic, but by gosh I think I do the most ruminating. The stuff I think about and go over and over in my head.

dropping D at friends house soon, but will pop into chemist warehouse on the way, been promising D that she could put a colour rinse through her hair during the big school holidays for years. They were on special this week, but realised I’m gonna need 2 cause her hair is down to her bum. And mum needs Ventolin.

you up to much?

Hey @Bow

Up in middle of the night - thats not good hon. You must be running on very little sleep.

I'm happy to hear that your SW is coming today. I know it has been hard without her around. Hopefully she can help, even if it's just a little.

Speaking if hair, just gotten home from the hairdressers. Nothing fancy, just covering up the greys! Gosh the hairdresser can talk. Does not stop. Stresses me out.

She is not my normal hairdressers. She is on maternity leave so just seeing someone else for now.

I'm sure D will be excited to put a colour through her hair. That is very long hair! Would take ages to wash and dry.

Nothing else on for the rest of the day. H back at work today so home alone.

Yeah not much sleep last night unfortunately @Snowie and feeling it a lot this afternoon.

My SW has not long left. She was here for a while. We talk casual for a bit, but then my SW bought up the text that I sent her in the middle of the night, she was very kind, very respectful, quiet. She wants to, wishes, she could do more. She is going to do some research to see what’s around locally. I talked a little bit, it was hard though. Words just don’t come easy. She really encouraged me to keep writing if it helps.

sigh. It’s hard. It sucks a lot.

Ops accidentally hit post before finishing @Snowie

@that’s nice you went to the hairdressers to get your hair done. I was actually telling mum just the other day that I think I might treat myself and go. I usually just use a box dye to cover the greys and give my hair a bit of a boost- just an auburn colour over my auburn hair, but I’m finding the greys are back after 2 washes….. the colour just doesn’t hold.

Many plans the rest of the week?