My Mosaic

I might try crawling in to bed and laying on my spiky mat @Jynx it might work. I need that pain sensation but need security too

i don got candles but need something you know I got flashbacks and I can smell him smell alcohol and smokes and yuck man smells I hate it Jynx them flashbacks are bad not just see it but smell it fast back in time

Got spices in your kitchen @Bow? Maybe smelling something strong, like cumin or paprika, could help you come back to the present. Could you make a fragrant cup of tea? Strong peppermint for instance? Then you can focus on the smell and the warmth of the cup in your hand.

Deep breaths hun ~

@Jynx I found some lavender spray next to my bed and sprayed that on my pillow and blankets. It helped.
reading back I’m sorry that went South quick. Wasn’t a good night. Sorry 😞

Hello lovely! @Bow

How are you today? 🫶

Your Disney cruise sounds INCREDIBLE. What an amazing experience for you all to have, and such a magical way to say hello to the New Year. 🥹

The door is perfect!! 🤩

I am so happy you got to go - bring me with you next time please. heheh

Hi @AuntGlow fairly shatty day. not doing ok, but meh

@Bow a bad night can happen to us all hun, you did the right thing in reaching out, and sounds like you found your way through. Lavender on pillows is actually a lovely idea and I might have to steal it for myself!!

How you travelling today? Surviving the heat ok?

Been a fairly rough day @Jynx trying to stay present has been rather challenging this afternoon. I was suppose to go in and see my CM this arvo, but I’ve been struggling with the heat and didn’t feel up to going out. She ended up coming out to see me, but had to bring someone else with her… at least she forewarned me this time. Just meant that what we talked about was rather limited.
me thoughts ain’t been good this arvo jynx, dreading the coming weeks. I’d prefer to not have to survive it yet again. Booked in my next appointment with my CM … the day before. fuc€

im sorry

i think about it so much at the moment. What it would feel like.
sorry again

Ach that sucks about not having a totally private moment with your CM @Bow. Suppose it's too hot for them to have stayed in the car! Does your CM know about the upcoming anniversaries?

You don't need to be sorry hun. I know it's a really difficult time for you. I know you don't want to go through it all again but you have survived it 100% of the time in the past. And we'll be here in your corner the whole way 💜

I don’t know why they aren’t allowed to do home visits alone anymore @Jynx well I do know, I can guess something has happened, but homes they know are safe. Sigh, I think she knows. I mean like she’s aware, she knows what happened. But if she has forgot? Nah surely. I don’t know. I can’t even text or email her with an fyi. She sat here this arvo and asked if there was anything else I wanted to talk about….. I thought about it. Thought about wanting…. Needing to let her know how shitty things have been the last bit, the SH cause of bad flashbacks and stuff and the SI. But that was in no way gonna come out in front of a random. SW ain’t even in at the moment.
urgh I can feel tears building.

@Bow sometimes people might be fully aware of stuff like this, but will wanna follow your lead - i.e. if you don't bring it up, maybe it's for a reason (like you just don't wanna talk about it). I know that's maybe not what you need, but I'd say that's why she hasn't brought it up. It does suck you can't reach out in written form, to give a heads up or ask her to bring it up for you.

I hope you can let some tears flow, if that's what your body needs 💜