My Mosaic

Hi @Bow

Sorry I wasn't around yesterday. I can see that it was a really hard day for you.

I did read what you wrote.

I can't imagine all the hurt you have gone through and are going through at the moment. It isn't fair and it just sucks.

I don't really have any answers for you hon, nor can I really help. I know I can't change your support, or lack of it.

But please know that I am here for you. I value your friendship, I value you.

Wrapping my arms around you 💗💗

Am I a horrible bad person @Jynx ???

hey @Bow, just wanted to let you know that Jynx is taking their break at the moment so they might get back to you later.

i am curious to know, what do you reckon Jynx would say in response to your question? 😊

Well I don’t know @rav3n wondering if they confirm everything that is being screamed at me, all my experiences and stuff

@Bow oh hun, things must be so tough for you right now if this is where your mind is at. I think you know deep down that I would never say something like that to you; that I always have and always will believe in you, and want to celebrate the wonderful person that you are. Those thoughts must be very loud to have you thinking otherwise.

I think on some level, you maybe wanted me to challenge these thoughts? Otherwise you wouldn't have tagged me! You know I'm relentlessly kind and fiercely validating 😋

You are so far from being a 'horrible bad person' that to me it is ludicrous to even attempt to associate those words with who I know you to be 💜

I’m not sure @Jynx thought maybe if someone like you who I respect confirmed it all then it absolutely 100% has to straight truth.

it’s been a very hard few days. A lot of memories floating to the surface suffocating me. So overwhelming. Realising a lot of things that I’ve believed for so long and where they are coming from. Feeling very broken and see no way possible to fix it.

my heart hurts. Crushed. Things from when I was very little to all the trauma through my life. I’ve never had someone to carry me along, it’s just been me. Alone. How can that little girl make things better? I do not trust. I can’t.

shattered

You're not broken @Bow you're a survivor. All those things that, admittedly make life hard now, they once protected you, once kept you safe. That little girl may not have all the tools but she still deserves compassion and nurturing 💜

Genuinely don’t know what to do @Jynx i feel so incredibly stuck. Stuck in concrete. Dug myself such a huge flipping hole. No a well. Actually there is a place in tassie on the west coast called the iron blow hole. That’s what I seen in my head just now. Might be pretty.,, but it’s deep and wide

I just don’t know what I am doing anymore. It’s all just such a huge mess

I get that @Bow and I think when feelings are this big and overwhelming, we seek out big/drastic things to try to resolve it all. But I know for myself, focusing too much on the big picture can set me up for frustration when things don't change as quickly as I'd like. Maybe for now, it's about focusing on the little things - stuff to get us through the next hour, the next minute.

Spiky mat, silly tv show, hot cuppa, fuzzy blankets (it's cold where I am so this is appealing to me rn lol), just those tiny glimmers that can help us get through the day.

Yeah remind myself to breathe and not hold my breath @Jynx and just getting through tonight.

ive crawled into bed. AC is on with a timer. Ceiling fan is on. Pedestal fan is on. It’s so hot here. And I don’t like it at all. I’ve got a light but fluffy blanket and Mr sloth. I want to sleep desperately.

realised you’ll be logging off soon and I think your away until the new year yeah? I hope you got some good Christmas plans with those you hold dear and some celebrations for the NY. Some Jynx antics too? Bare food grass frolicking? Thanks for being you. I always appreciate you. 💜