My Mosaic

I think there are a few things at play here.

It sounds like the fact is, you COULDN'T go. Not because you didn't want to, right?

I'm curious about what a 'lecture' from her looks like? It is a challenge? A nudge? A reprimand?

Sorry for all these questions. I'm just seeking to understand. I guess if there is more anxiety going than not going, is it better you don't go? But then if you don't go, does that mean you lose a support?

I don't know. I've just got all these questions in my mind. I just hope something helps this anxiety you are experiencing so you are able to do what you need to do. @Bow

It sounds so hard

I couldn’t get myself there @tyme that is right. I was physically not well from my ED and I was mentally not well too. I needed to stay safe and safety was at home.

A lecture from her? ‘You need to attend to get anything out of therapy, days like that are when you need to be here more, you can’t keep isolating yourself and shutting people out’. Stuff like that. And while yeah those statements are true, I don’t generally miss appointments simple cause I couldn’t be bothered going.

My old psych was never like this. But I don’t think I really missed appointments with her.

And I think because I have been missing appointments…. There’s been a few over the last 6mths or so and I’m pretty sure she now thinks I either don’t want, don’t need, not taking it seriously or should have a break when she goes on leave. Very much not the case.

if I just quit going, they’d take me off the therapy books I’d say. And I don’t want that. I need therapy. I need someone I can work with. I’ve struggled with her.

Hey @Bow ,

Thank you for taking the time to answer my too-many questions!

It makes a lot of sense. I can hear that it's not because you woke up and felt you didn't want to attend. The fact is that you really couldn't attend. Have you been able to tell this to her?

Yes, and I can hear that if the psych is thinking that you just can't be bothered going, then they may take you off the books which you mentioned you can't have that.

I hpoe you find a way to be clear that you are doing the very best you can.

Sitting with you.

Thanks @tyme i will tell her tomorrow and maybe my CM did let her know too.

im gonna write some stuff down too. Even though she doesn’t like that she wants me to just talk, but sometimes I just can’t do.

thanks @tyme gonna go rouse my daughter for bed and crawl into bed myself. It’s wet cold and miserable here tonight.

Take care @Bow

Thinking of you. I look forward to hearing how it all goes.

Hi @Bow

Just leaving some 💗💗for you, hoping that the psych appointment goes well hon and you can get some answers about what's going to happen.

Giving you lots of 🫂🫂 too

Absolutely bloody nothing!

My CM told me there was a plan in place last Friday when she came to visit and that I needed to go to my appointment today to get more info. My pdoc also hinted at ‘let’s hope things get better with the plan for therapy’.

but no. Nothing. Zero plans.

I went in shut down. Fed up. Over it all. I wrote stuff down and she actually read it. There is a lot of self destruction happening. A lot of not giving any cares. I struggled to talk. Did have many words. But when we somehow moved onto therapy once she leaves the anger rose up and I vented a lot of my anger and frustration. The lack of care while she was away on holidays despite discussing in detail what I needed. I can apparently talk to their manager, yeah right and where was that going to get me. Told her about my formal complaint that was never addressed. She asked what I felt should happen when she leaves. I said they fill a maternity leave position at the least. That takes paper work and time apparently. And like they have had 9mths to do that for fuc€sake! 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

again she mentions it’s good to have a break from therapy sometimes. Yeah for some it’s good. Not for me. Not at the moment.

she mentioned hospital. I said no thanks.

im expecting the team to turn up at my door. They will probably drag my ass to hospital. Fuc€

@Bow I'm so sorry you had that experience hon. I know that's not what you wanted to hear and not helping in the slightest.

I'm here hon if you need me 💕

Thanks @Snowie

it’s a very shitty situation to be in. Don’t understand why they all think this is ok and a good idea?

im scared

I'm struggling to understand your support team too @Bow

You are not alone in that

No doubt you are scared hon. There is a lot of uncertainty coming, especially at a time where you need constant support and stability.

You shouldn't have to fight for that support, it should just be given to you.

Is there anything we can do to help? I know how hard going into hospital is.