My Mosaic

@Bow haha this is why I harp on about psychedelic therapy so much - because they greatly increase neuroplasticity and shut down the 'default mode network' (aka the brain's 'business as usual' wiring) allowing us to change those thoughts and patterns waaaay more easily. But doesn't mean it's impossible without!!

Wow that's so incredible hun!! I'm so proud of you for putting so much work into the group!! And like... I dunno if you've ever heard the saying that '90% of the work takes place outside the therapy room'? Even if you don't feel like you've made that much progress, the work you've put into it is going to continue paying off, continue to influence your recovery journey... in some cases, it may just have planted the seeds for your growth, and you are still just looking at the same soil that's always been there, scratching your head like 'huh, thought there'd be progress SOMEWHERE HERE... Then in a year there'll be lil spouts there! And you'll find yourself in a situation where you utilise one of your learnings from this group and you'll go 'Oh! I learned this! I know this! I can do this!!' So yeah, more work to be done, but it's all building on itself.

Would it help you to feel less alone if you did tell some of your supports about the anniversary you reckon?

Yeah probably @Jynx my walls are up so high at the moment. I’m not sure I’ll be able to tell them

You don't need to make that decision right now anyway @Bow - especially when you've been craving sleepy times all arvo!

I am heading off, maybe catch you tomorrow poppet. Big hugs, rest well your weary bones 🫂🫂

@Jynx My SW called this morning but I was out getting groceries so told her I would call when I was back home, which I did, but she was with another client, so said she would call me back. I waited around with anxious expectation for her call. I had psyched myself up to talk to her, to tell her. And she never called back.

I did however have a call from the comm mh team. They called Sunday and I told them things have been really challenging. They offered a call Monday, which they did. And then one of the other psychs called me today. I don’t get any of that care from my CM.

perhaps I just expect too much from people. Should just be grateful for what support I get.

been in bed a lot today. The psych I spoke to encouraged me to watch some movies to try and get out of my head. It’s real hard to focus at the moment.

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@Bow wrote:

perhaps I just expect too much from people. Should just be grateful for what support I get.

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It could be both!! You can take the time to be grateful, to be thankful and even express that thanks to the supports that are hitting the mark; AND you can be frustrated and disappointed that one of your supports is feeling like a let down. No reason to guilt trip yourself 💜

What movie you watching? Maybe grab a little colouring or artsy thing to do while you watch? I find that helps me focus!

Just forever feeling like a burden @Jynx

I can’t even remember the name

of the movie. That’s how little I was focusing on it.

about to have some dinner

tomorrow I have an appointment with my CM and then arts and craft

Such a tragedy that someone so lovely, kind-hearted, and gentle like you @Bow feels like a burden, when the actual burdens on society - the self-entitled ultra-rich - continue to perpetuate the systems of oppression that keep us unwell. Asking for your needs to be met is NOT a burdensome thing to do, but an empowered one.

Oh nice, do you know what crafty crafts you'll be working on?

Inner critic real loud at you @Jynx

sorry

last week I took a heap of thin mdf wooden Christmas decorations. We painted and glittered them. They all wanted to finish that this week.

@Bow no sorry needed, your inner critic is welcome to say whatever she likes to me, and all she will get is the same compassion and understanding I have for you yourself 💜

Aww nice!! Will you have room on your tree for more decorations? I picture you to be the sort of person who goes all out on the xmas bling!! Teehee

You always so calm and kind @Jynx

do you think the pictures and memories will ever get less? Not be so real and hard? It’s hard to stay at the moment. Keep drifting. Disappearing. Don’t feel safe