My Mosaic

Thanks for sharing how you're feeling @Bow.

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time and that you might not be feeling safe. I just wanted to check in and see if you have any support around you today? That's great that you can see the dietician tomorrow - how are you feeling about that?

My post was deleted? 😞

i dont know what happened to my post? probably said something that i wasnt meant to.

i seen my psychologist this morning, left with what feels like a gapping wound that really hurts. i told her that i didnt know why i was there and that i felt like i was wasting everyones time by going to appointments when i dont follow through with what i am suppose to be doing. i explained to her that i had seen the dietitan last week.... and will see her again tomorrow, and that we had put together a meal plan and i havent stuck to any of it. i am supposet to be eating dinner and a snack every day... ive had dinner twice. i just cant see change happening. how am i suppose to get better when i just cant bring myself to do the things that i am suppose to do and eat. how do i then go and have this conversation with my dietitian tomorrow? that i wasted her time last week putting together than meal plan with zero intention of following through. its just too hard. i hate myself so very much. just want to give up. none of this is worth it.

i am going to be doing some dbt with her, half my sessions focusing on that and the other half on talking through things that are going on for me. today i spoke about my relationship with my mum. that part of me wants her support, but the other part doesnt. that i feel so trapped in my relationship of caring for her and my step dad and that that is all i see in my future. i became really emotional talking about it, its been one of the many areas of transition that contributed to my sudden and significant decline late last year. i dont know a way around it. i dont know how or if i can even change any of it. i feel stuck. and it sucks. i hate it.

i spoke about my desire to escape. that i am constantly in a state of overwhelm.

Im so tired. A tired that sleep won't fix. I don't what else to do.

Hi @Bow, it sounds like there's a lot going on for you right now with lots of really hard feelings involved- I can understand wanting to get away from that. It sounds like it's really difficult to sit with too. Sitting here with you. Take care 🌸

I don't want to anymore and tonight I'm actually ok with that.

Understandable @Bow. Please don't hesitate to reach out for support if needed. There's Suicide Callback Service, Lifeline, Butterfly Foundation or Sane's Helpcentre is open until 10pm this evening if you'd just like to speak with someone 1:1 non-urgently.

Big squishy hugs @Bow xxx

You are all so much stronger than I can be

You don’t have to be strong @Bow you just have to be faithful.

💜🙏💜