My Mosaic

im not even that eve, i cant fight the urges anymore, lady at lifeline wasnt at all helpful. im going to go im so sorry

It's ok to struggle and have a hard time @Bow. No need to apologise, but absolutely step away and take a break for a little bit if you need to. Please reach out offline for extra support if you need it too. Wishing you all the very best and holding hope that things will improve for you very soon. Take care 💖

Sitting with you my friend xxx @Bow

Good morning dear @Bow 😄💝

Thinking of you today, and sitting with you. Take care precious one.

Emelia 🌷🌻

Morning @Emelia8 and thank you. Thanks also @Shaz51 @TideisTurning @Eve7 @Anastasia im really tired this morning and lethargic. Last night didn't go so well and I was awake for a long time afterwards. I then woke in the middle of the night with horrible cramps.
I see my gp today, will probably have bloods done and then see my dietitian. My daughter then has a dentist appointment. I best get myself up and get her moving. Hope you all have a good day 🤗💕

Part of having my bloods done weekly as requested by my dietitian to monitor for refeeding syndrome is having an ECG. I felt so vulnerable, so exposed. I couldn't stop shaking, she, I'm thankful it was a she, but she kept asking if I was ok, I said yes, what else could I say? I still feel yuck.

Hi @Bow

Thats hard to feel exposed and vulnerable while having an ECG.

Sitting with you this afternoon.

💜💙💜

@Bow Sorry to hear hon. I hope this afternoon is going alittle better for you.

Leaving these for you 💕💕

I'm all appointmented out now. Multiple ones today and at least one every other day.

I learnt something today at my dietitian appointment. I was always told that your stomach shrinks when you don't eat much. That's not true. Your stomach just stops working properly cause your body uses the energy that you do have to keep vital organs working. So my stomach stops mushing my food and makes me feeling terrible uncomfortable instead. This can take months or years to get back to normal.

it was an intense appointment again, she was totally ok with me not sticking to last weeks meal plan, said it was understandable and we scaled back for the meal plan for the next few weeks (don't see her again until after the school holidays). A chai latte is an acceptable snack for me at the moment, I hope you will join me for some @Emelia8

It's been helpful to put words to a lot of my eating struggles. The rules. The fears. To have them validated and not told to just eat.

It still feels like an unachieveable goal, eating normally, not feeling guilt about it, not wanting to punish myself. Apparently I deserve to be nourished and I'm worthy of giving myself regular food. I cried as I told her that I didn't believe her.

I still feel really vulnerable from my test earlier and not sure how I'll manage having one done every week. I woke up this morning not feeling overly positive about facing the day after having such a difficult time last night. I have wanted to try hard to stay safe today, no sh but I am struggling. My meds are increased as of tonight. Both the psychiatrist and mental health nurse spoke about me having some prn, but I'm not sure how to manage that with my gp asking the pharmacist to dispense my medication weekly. Feel like on a night like tonight that prn would be helpful. Instead I am left to battle it on my own 😞

You are not on your own hon, @Bow we are here with you.

Sitting with you sweetie 💞💞💞