My Mosaic

ill go im in a terrible state tonight im sorry

Call for help @Bow ... Please.

I tried they were useless. said I needed some help and was just interrogated. Not helpful why bother

I heard you @Bow 👂👀

And I posted a response, which was sadly lost when your post disappeared.

I'm here for you and I care about you.

Hugs sweetie. Please stay safe.

Emelia 💝

Thanks @Emelia8 I just keep making matters worse by doing stupid things and stuffing up. Just a big mess.
why did my post disappear? Can't even write stuff here. I won't anymore. I'll just disappear like it did, erase all the rubbish.

I took myself to my gp this afternoon, outside of my usually scheduled weekly appointment with her, can only be a bad thing to turn up as a walk in. I was ashamed of why I was there, explaining my sh had got significantly worse the last days. I'm thankful she agreed to treat me there after refusing to go to the er. but how long will this go on for? Home from my gp no more than an hour and here I find myself having these f****** thoughts again. I know it won't end well.
I'm exhausted. I hate the way my medication makes me feel.
I am due to start with my new psychologist tomorrow. I'm anxious that it will just end like my previous one, with her putting my in the too hard basket, too complex and it all being a waste of time. Today I am reminded of just how screwed up I am. Today I am reminded of the hurt I still feel over what my last psych did. How do I trust someone new? How do I divulge my life story and all that is currently going on to another stranger with no guarantee that she won't up and run when she hears all my baggage?
next week someone from the PHN is coming to the house. That freaks me out. My safe place. I'm not entirely sure what it's for, something my gp organised. How do I have the privacy for her to do an assessment when my folks are going to be around? And again how do I know that she won't run too.
Won't hold my breath that this won't be deleted. I apologise in advance if I said something that I'm not meant to.

Will keep you in my heart and thoughts today dear @Bow

Please tag me if you update after your appointment, sending you strength, courage and hope 💪🙏💕✔️

Hello dear @Bow 🌺🤗

I'm wondering how you are getting along today with your new psychologist apt. Unsure if it was this morning or not until afternoon. Also I can understand your anxiety over the PHN person coming to your home one day next week. Its good of your GP to organise it for you, because in all honesty ... I dont feel that you are safe right now Bow. With so much really major stuff going on, its little wonder you are having such difficulty with life. I'm confident that you will get through it ... I'm confident that you can make the right decisions for yourself and your loved ones and I'm confident that you will be able to live with your decisions. And if having this PHN person in can help you achieve those goals ... then its all for the better. Find a way to allow the assessment to take place, tell your folks whatever you need to tell them, to make it happen. Please accept whatever help is offered to you Bow ... you need it. And that is no reflection on you ... anybody in your circumstances would need the help. Do not punish yourself by rejecting help that is offered. Remember ... you did nothing wrong, you did not choose this.

I hope today's psych will offer some much needed support to you today. Please let us know how it goes. I'm genuinely interested, and concerned for you.

@Anastasia ... Much love 💕

Emelia 💞