My Mosaic

@Anastasia @Emelia8 how are you both? How's your day?

Hi @Bow 💝🤗

I'm sorry to hear that your current cat is not much comfort to you, unlike your previous one. Love your painting. I hope you decide to go to church tomorrow, as it will likely be good for you to get out.

My day has been fairly quiet. I should be feeling better, as I got a few hours sleep last night. But I'm feeling dreadfully flat today, and just dont feel like doing anything. No energy, no motivation, no ... anything really. So I havent been around here much today as a result.

Emelia 🙏💕

Sorry today is so flat for you today @Emelia8 more so given you got some sleep 😞 had something to eat? A warm shower?

I got some reasonable sleep last night, first night for what feels like a long time.

D will be home any time now.

I look into the mirror
and what do I see?
An unknown staring face
haunting eyes, looking at me

Who is this woman-
The image in the glass?
A reflection of my knowledge
or someone elses past?

Her eyes tell a story
of my life and my doubt
Wondering where the answers are
and what it's all about

Is this a destined punishment
for all my whirling thoughts?
Not even knowing who I am
where's the happiness I've once sought?

Are the answers I seek
in the mirrored image of me?
I don't know myself
I don't know who to be

I'm afraid of letting go
tired of being used
Why is my searching
so darkened and abused?

In the mirrored image
behind the blackened stain
My heart is wandering aimlessly
without a soul or a purpose.

Someone smash the mirror
make the image go away
Still I know within the shatters
haunting eyes will still betray

@Bow 😔💝

@Bow hoping you got to church today with your D and it is a good day

Lots and lots of love and hugs 💞💞💞

D begged to go to the park today, the one down the road where it happened. i tried to make excuses, but she insisted. its our local, i cant avoid it forever. i didnt sit where i sat that night, i sat on the opposite side of the reserve, as far away from the spot as i could. but i could still see the spot. i could see the bench, i imagined where he came from, when he approached me from behind. i started shaking and felt ill. i got up and walked around, tried to hide my fear and unease. how do i make going to that park ok? im tired of flashbacks tonight. i have a headache from crying. id like them to just stop. how? one brave second.

Exposure therapy can help with such things @Bow . But it takes time and can be very re-traumatising. Plus it needs to be done under the care of a trained trauma therapist familiar in delivering the therapy.

But if this is your local park, you plan to live there for some time and your D likes to go there ... you wont be able to avoid that place forever.

Exposure therapy is designed to desensitise you to trauma inducing memories, feelings, places, experiences, etc.

Emelia 💞

sorry

I'm sorry you feel that way too @Bow 😔💝