My Mosaic

You DO have a future @Bow ... all you need to do is reach out for it. Stay strong and build the foundations to a happy and long future. One that you deserve. ♥

Thanks Emelia I know you’ve done it. You are doing so well.

just don’t see it for me

@Bow just cos you can't see it, doesn't mean it's impossible. Maybe it's worth planning for things because there is a chance you'll be around for it. And if you're not, well then it doesn't matter anyway, so why not take the shot and plan a lil holiday? Plan to treat yourself, just in case you actuallly get to enjoy it?

PS... I have been neglecting our buddy agreement to finish reading The Body Keeps the Score by the end of the year. Time-blindness and all that. Maybe, if you're keen on the idea, we could aim to both try to read a chapter by the end of Feb? I am way more motivated if I have a deadline 😅

You know @Jynx ive felt depressed and suicidal before. It’s been hard to see the future. It’s been hard to see beyond getting through the next couple of hours and minutes. But there has been something in me that knows it will pass. That I’ll get there. But this time feels real different. Something deep in my gut saying not this time.
I’m sorry.

@Bow that's a pretty heavy feeling hun. Maybe it feels that way because this time is also piled atop all the other times. Like "I just finished crawling out of a hole now I'm in another one" - like you're burnt out on healing.

I'm gonna flick you a lil email if that's okay hun, I'm worried about ya and wanna just touch base. Keep an eye out.

Hey @Bow

I'm only new here. But I'm not new to that feeling. Its truly upsetting to hear that you don't feel a way out, and that you feel things have turned for the worse.

I don't know what to say other than you're posting here, and that truly matters - you matter. Whatever you're feeling, thank you for sharing. and you have nothing to be sorry for - you are not a burden.

If you are available and need to chat privately, please let me know.

Sending all my kindness and love ❤️

Wishing you a good day today @Bow 💗💗

Hey @Bow.

Sorry I couldn’t respond to this last night. It hit me pretty hard. It’s like you made sense of what’s in my head.

I’m so sorry that you feel this way. It’s are very hard place to be sitting. I don’t have any answers and I don’t have any advice.

Just know that you are very loved and that people on here really care for you. We want to see you get well. We want to see you grow.

Sending love

I’m tired.

I seen my psychologist this morning. I felt like we just went round and round in circles and it was mostly a waste of time. I tried to communicate to her where I am at. How I have very little hope and things feel different this time. She kept asking me questions and my answer was nearly always the same… I just don’t wanna be here. I’ve given up. I have no fight left. It’s just inevitable that is gonna happen. I don’t think she seemed to understand. It’s so hard to be absolutely honest and where it’s at without basically screaming the words blatantly at her.
I think she is sick of me already.

My support worker was back today. She pretty much didn’t give me an option about my bloods. I met her there straight after my psych appointment. We sat and chatted for a bit afterwards. She was pretty straight with me.

it’s so bloody frustrating when people sit there and say you need to do this this and this and you can do this this and this…. But you got nothing. NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING. At the end of your rope. No fight left.

Hi @Bow 💜

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It sounds incredibly challenging, and I appreciate you reaching out and sharing your thoughts. It takes a lot of courage to be honest about where you're at, especially when it feels like there's very little hope left.

I can imagine how frustrating it must be when it seems like the people around you are offering solutions that don't feel accessible or applicable to your current state of mind.

It's okay to feel the way you do, and your emotions are valid. I can imagine that it's not easy to express the depth of your struggles, especially when it feels like words might not capture the intensity of your experience. I'm here to sit with you in this discomfort, to listen without judgment, and to offer support in whatever way you find helpful.

I won't pretend to have all the answers or solutions because this journey is uniquely yours, but I'll be here to support you as you navigate through your feelings.