My Mosaic

Oh no not the merry-go-round of emotional turmoil, I hate that ride! Hopefully for this evening it'll just be a gentle ferris wheel ride hey @Bow

That makes it harder for sure. I will default to my usual 'try writing it down' idea - but thought I'd take a crack at it myself to see if I can summarise:

"I want to highlight that sometimes, getting a positive result from my blood tests can actually create internal tension, because the ED part of me wants poor results. When I receive positive results it can sometimes result in an increase in ED behaviours, because the ED part of me thinks it is losing. Can we please work together on some ways we communicate about results, or think about what kind of support I might need when getting good results? Because even though logically I know it should be a good thing, it has sometimes ended up making things worse."

How does that sound? How do you think your GP would respond if she read something like this?

Fingies and toesies crossed you can find an affordable cardiologist option without having to wait for too long 🤞

I've let the team know about the 23rd, is there anything you'd want us to know, or to do to support you on that day?

It sounds like your team is feeling that once you're past it, you'll be on the road to improvement. If that's not the case and you're worried that a sudden drop in support after the fact might end up being dangerous for you, I think that's worth highlighting with them.

Aww that sounds so cute! I love the florals, I wanna get the table centrepiece one. But maybe I should duck into Kmart and check out these new releases first! So exciting 😁

Truffle is a pretty unique flavour, I like it a lot! Buuut a 400ml bottle of truffle oil was like $10 lol so it's just for special occasions! Also a Thermomix isn't cheating, it's just using a particular tool to achieve something with less effort! Which to me is more like it's removing accessibility barriers 😉

Thanks @Jynx ive taken a screenshot of that. Maybe I will sit down with my support worker and have a chat with her about it first. She comes to my gp appointments with me. Maybe she will also have some ideas about how to communicate the results to me. I don’t want them to just turn around and say well we just won’t tell you anything, cause I want to know. Usually if she doesn’t tell me what the numbers actually are, then I will ask.

And thanks for letting the team know about the 23rd. I don’t really know what I will need. Probably just somewhere safe to talk. Checking in with me. I don’t know.

I think I I want to talk to my support worker about it. I am unsure if she knows that’s it’s not just next Tuesday. But having that conversation with her feels really hard, overwhelming and scary. Thinking about it now I can feel my anxiety increasing. I know I can write it down, even that feels hard. And super vulnerable. I have my pdoc appointment on Friday and feel that it’s wise to flag this with them all then.

I got the Lego floral centrepiece for Christmas. Haven’t built it yet. And I’m not sure where I will put it. They released some cool vintage themed sets recently. A Polaroid camera, a pair of roller skates with bright pink wheels, retro camera. I want them all!

@Bow oh that's a good idea, to have your CM help you strategise. Hope it ends up being helpful to your recovery 💜

We'll be there for you hun, and pretty sure I'll be on that evening too so I can check in with you and ensure you don't have to do it alone 😊

It's understandable that it's scary and makes you feel very anxious. If you wanna write it down, just take it bit by bit - you don't have to write it in one go, and taking breaks to ground and regulate your system would probably help along the way. I believe in you ✊

Ohhhh no, my wallet gonna hate me haha. They've clocked on to the fact that adults are getting mega into lego recently hey! Roller skates sound soooo cool too! They've also got some Dungeons and Dragons sets coming out in the future, which I am way too excited about. I wanna build a dragon!!

I will give writing it down a go @Jynx hopefully I can get it all out. But not today. Maybe tomorrow.

yes very much adults are into Lego now. my D has a Lego dragon somewhere. She’s a bit into dragons. Anything mystical.

I just had a phone call from my CM. Have to get use to some evening calls from her as she seems to work a lot of late shifts. She said she’d had a chat with my psych and wanted to know how I was going.
I think sometimes it’s frustrating when words get missed. I mostly just chatted with her about my ED issues, how I’m feeling cause of them. I think the other concerns around risk got lost?
I feel shit now. Like unheard.

@Bow oooh your D and I have that in common! Is she old enough to watch The Lord of The Rings yet? One of my all time favs 😋

Is it maybe a good thing to have evening calls? I know you've said that the evenings are when things are often the hardest.

That really sucks, it's never fun to feel unheard. So you're saying that because there was so much focus on ED stuff, the stuff around risk didn't get the attention it needed? That sucks. Is it something you could email about? Maybe to say that next time, this is what you need to be working on, or something like that.

I have no idea about the lord of the rings @Jynx ive never watched them myself. It’s probably something she’d like though.

Yes it’s handy having calls of an evening for that reason. But it’s hard for me to call through to her if I needed to talk to her. Technically we are suppose to call through to the mental health access line after hours until 9pm they finish and they then call the team for us. They use to just get us to call a mobile number after hours. But they changed that ages ago. It’s stupid really. Double handling. And wasting time. I still have the mobile number and have just used that sometimes but not sure I’m suppose to.

Yeah there was zero mention of my increased SI and the risk there. My psych and I talked about it a fair bit. I’m really not sure how it could have got missed to be honest. I don’t have anyone’s email. Sigh. It’s hard. Even though I wasn’t completely honest, it sucks when you’re vulnerable and try to be a little honest but things get missed and not taken seriously.

@Bow it's maybe one for when she's a bit older, it's got some mild gore and spooky wraiths and stuff. I think it's PG, so up to you as to when it'd be appropriate. It's one of the greatest fantasy epics of all time though 😁

Ach, it's never easy is it? Hmm well if calling that number still works to get you some support, I say use it! At least until they tell you not to hehe 😉

Mm very hard, I'm sorry things didn't go your way in your appts. Shouldn't have to be sitting here saying 'aww no, well I guess try again next time' but, here we are. I do hope that you're able to express your needs and have them properly attended to soon hun.

I'm off for tonight, sending you some big snuggly hugs, and hope that you have a chill night hun 💜

Good morning my dear @Bow

Hoping you get some more support today hon and today is a gentle for you.

Take care hon 💗💗💗

Thanks @Snowie a quiet day at home today I think. My only appointment free day this week and D doesn’t want to do anything 🤔

A quiet day at home without any appt.s might be nice @Bow Sometimes that break can do us well, especially when the appt.s are so stressful.

Any plans for what you might do today?