My Mosaic

Thank you @Emelia8 I believe you are understanding correctly, thank you for joining the dots and understanding. My gp informed me already, but I was in no state to stay and talk. I will see her again later in the week.

Ohhhh @Bow 😔 There really is nothing I can say, other than to say how devastated I feel for you about this added complication.

When I was assaulted, one of my big fears was that something could come of it. My relief was immense when it became obvious a couple of weeks later, that I was to be spared that.

Your GP sounds like she is doing what she can to support you. And perhaps this new development could open up additional supports available to you.

Please be careful Bow.

Emelia 💝

Thanks @Emelia8 It has been very much a fear that has weighed heavy since it happened. it got to the point where I could no longer ignore it and had to address it. Beyond devastated when hearing those words from my gp. It's not fair. None of this is.

So true @Bow ... so very true. I know your faith is very important to you, so I hope you can turn to the Lord now.

Here is something to remember:

my faith is important to me, but it has taken a beating in recent months... even years. i do question it. i question Him. if i had a choice, i would prefer to not be chosen to be strong if it meant i didnt have to deal with all of this.

i chose to eat today, something i havent done much of recently, i felt so unwell and my head is such a mess and i cant focus. i want to sleep.

Faith tested @Bow is faith stronger. I dont believe in unquestioned, or blind, faith.

I accept that, given a choice, you would certainly not choose to be in the situation you find yourself in.

You chose to eat today @Bow ? I didnt want to ask earlier, so thank you for volunteering that information. Well done sweetheart. Keep trying, its so important. You may have felt sick today, but tomorrow you may not. And try to make it a daily habit to have a banana every day.

You said you want to sleep. I hope you can do so. Tag me tomorrow if you need to talk. Good night. 💤

Emelia 💝

I prayed before I fell asleep last night asking him to take this away

but I've woken this morning and it's still here.

I don't know how to do this.

I don't know if I even can.

I didn't ask for this and certainly don't want it. Trapped by my religious beliefs

how do I keep this a secret now?

How do I tell the people around me?
I still feel so much guilt

blaming myself for this shitty situation

I can trace back all the stupid decisions I made that put me there.

I need a way out.

It cannot be hidden for long, and the longer you dont say anything, the harder it will be. Just tell them the truth @Bow . Tell them you have been seeking support.

Truth is freedom .. freedom from guilt, freedom from self blame. Truth will bring acceptance from those who matter ... including self.

The past cannot be changed @Bow but you csn make the future better. Something good, something beautiful ... could come from something so ugly, so brutal, so unfair.

Perhaps this is a gift from your God ... designed to force you to make important decisions, and turn your life around. Do you think you could look at things in that light?

You are in possession of something very precious and fragile, irrespective of how this came about. Treat yourself kindly, treat yourself well.

Not sure I will be heard, as I dont do this too often ... but I will pray for you, and your loved ones.

Emelia 💝

anybody around?

Yes @Bow 🌷

Are you finding things to do this evening, to help take your mind off things for a while?

Im watching a new game show ... The Cube ... on channel 10. A bit of fun.

Emelia 💝