Please describe Depression?

Dear @Former-Member

You remind me of someone called @Loopy who used to be a regular online SAne Forums.....he was my friend. He still comes online every niow and again.

He would agree with the one " constantly looking at all what is wrong in your life. OVerlooking the good.

CAused by prolongues grief.

What is the most important one for you? This is the one for me: holding onto injustices and hurts - or being pushed beyond ones ability to cope (chronic stress).

I have no idea how I used to cope without medication. I must have been younger and had weird coping skills. Coping skills like bouncing out of bed in the morning. I don't bounce anymore !!!

lol

Love how you ended the message. For me writing that of the black hole and we need to believe in any situation that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

SEveral years go, I was with someone who showed me his black hole. I have never ever experienced anything like it before. I told my Psychoerapist because it was so .......different, but

I have never mentioned it before tellking you now.

I had known this man for many years. I went to visit him and he was crying. When I got there, he was crying. He all of a sudden ......stood up and he was telling me that he realised that he was right about his exwife who was keeping his children away from him. As he stood up, I saw a black tunnel in front of him and I left. I went to see my PSychotherapist and asked her if I was crazy because I saw this vision. She said no that I had a little glimpse of his feeling about himself.

Anne

Hi @PeppiPatty My story is very long. I have had alot of traumas happen in my life, including rape etc.......... emotional/physical abuse etc....... long, long story.

I have tried lots of medications and they all make me feel worse, so I have had to search for answers and it is a long, slow journey. I am doing all I know to do, to get well and will keep searching for answers until I am well. I have struggled with PTSD, anxiety and depression since I was a teenager. I guess my body is "all out of whack", due to ongoing traumas and stress. I am determined to get well.

Would you like to share your story? Thanks for chatting.

Dear @Former-Member

Ille try and find my story, it's peppered everywhere on Sane Forums here.......

When I first joined, I didnt think I was good enough or clever enough.

Maybe we can go through years. I am interested how old you were when trauma was introduced to you, Me it was when I was 15 but I think that my Mum has always intensely disliked tlking about me

Right now. This very second, my husband has the television picture going and the radio lously on. Lights are on. I get online to relax. If I get annoyed and say, leave me alone or growl or freak he freaks ........

I can only think that he needs to have a holiday from the city and next month, when we go down to his Dad's in Margaret River, he will compleely calm down.

Of course you are good enough @PeppiPatty xo Sounds a bit stressful for you at home.

I was approx 14 when i was first raped.

I am married and have a teenage girl. I find marriage very difficult due to not being well.

Dear @PeppiPatty

I truly empathise with what your friend went through. My ex stopped my children from seeing me too (poisoned their minds). And the grief of losing your children this way is horrendous. Yes, you did see what he was going through - emotional suffering and loss of this kind is a long dark tunnel, but there was a light waiting - I found it after 15 yrs of grieving.

Yes I am with you on the main instigator of depression for me was "holding onto past hurts and injustices (focusing on these scars and not letting go of past pain); and being pushed beyond ones ability to cope (chronic stress). That one was tested on me recently with my daughter attempting suicide. But we are coming through that slowly, one day at a time as the light is beckoning.

@Former-Member I also empathise with you my dear. When I was speaking to the doctors and nurses in the physchiatric ward where my daughter was committed they commented that most who walk through those doors is as a result of sexual assault/abuse. Keep strong. Although demoralising - The main thing I found was to acknowledge the fact that it was not I with the lack of worth - but the scum who did it to me and others were the low ones. And I was able to shake of self esteem issues that caused anxiety/depression. This strengthen me to move forward and leave it behind. One day at a time. Hope you are okay.

@PeppiPatty Yes, I find it hard to bounce up out of bed now too lol. But what I lack In youthful stamina - I make up with will power, determination and wisdom. Self discipline is so important to survive life's trials. As is the support of a loved one - a kind word from a friend. And people whom are compassionate. There is good in the world. I try and focus on that. You survived your trauma as you have an inner strengthen that sustains and a big heart that keeps you going.

But I have to say that grief/loss, abandonment by family, and loss of dreams were also big factors towards my demise - to feeling down. But I now focus on the love around me and that never fails to uplift/heal. I also like to help others/volunteer - having purpose motivates me and protects from depression - and I am always on the look out to creating other dreams and pursuing them. Life can throw some cruel hands - but it also has its happy moments that makes it all worthwhile.

I would also describe major depression as "seeing no point" in life anymore. I have gone through that when really down. But that's the depression talking as I have found in my life experience there is always a point - and when we find that point we find the light. Nice talking to you @PeppiPatty

Jude

Thanks for your message @Former-Member

Sorry to hear that you have suffered abuse as well. Thankfully, I carry no shame or guilt anymore regarding the rapes (I used to). I know that none of it was my fault at all. And sorry to hear about your daughter as well, that must be hard for you. Is she ok? Are you ok?

It doesn't surprise me that most who are in hospital are there because of sexual assault/abuse. It is very damaging in so many ways. It is very sad that so many people go through this. It is life changing and in some cases destorys people's lives. Not always easy finding the right help either.

Chat again soon. I'm still not the best, but I'll get on top again, hopefully soon.

I hope that you and your daughter are ok. Hugs to you both.

Hi @Former-Member

Jude,

Thank you for the mesage. I actually remembered all that time and the whole.....weirdness of that time, I was seeing a Psychotherapist over my own grieving about my own life......then to see that pain that man had was WAS horrensous. It stopped me in my tracks and took me out of my own pain to see that others had.

When I think of that person, that man, he had a great role model there for a little while but he couldn't hold onto him, he was seeing a very strong Support worker I knew. Today, he has moved state I think he is still being messed around. I dont want to hold onto that but my heart gets full when I think about it. And that big spinning black hole. He will never ever find that light.

15 years is something that stops me in my tracks

Loving a beautiful daughter that lets you in after 15 years stops me in my tracks.

Your well sounding email stops me in my tracks.

I find every day a trial sometimes. I love cleaning houses....

it gets me out of the house

I excersise

I make money

Make people very happy cleaning their houses.

I see my Psychotherapist and I'm writing a fiction book.

I draw and handsew.

Most days the only thing that happens is that I take my husband to the chemist for his medication and struggle to get through because of my own medication. I clean for one lady who makes us the best dinners with her thermomix.

.............................................................................

What do you think Jude......of a thought that of your family holding onto secrets?

Or...: how about.....families and their generational secrets......I remember I read a book by Susie Orbach called 'Families and Their Secrets,"

Maybe you have broken them ?? In that you are there for your daughter after all the lies she was fed about you?

What do you think ? Am I on a sort of right track or am I wrong ?

Anne x

Dear @Former-Member

How are you? I dont usually tell people this but well, lets all be honest here. When Sane Forums first started, never did I think it would be so crucial for me daily wellbeing.

I am almost 49 years old.

I began Psychotherapy when I was 24. My first husband was trying very hard to have an affair on my but he kept on trying to sleep with my friends.........

My first Psychotherapist got me away from him.

Im on my third Psychotherapist been with her for over 13 years. I suffer from having a major head injury at 15 and being in deep coma for 6 weeks. I worked very hard to get better after this and went to years of TAFE and University.

I'm on a lot of medication. My husband is on more. He suffers from being diagnosed from Schitzophrenia.

We are very motivated to stay together.

Your turn,

Anne x

hi @Kurra

Ille get back to you, I think it was about The Gifted Child," by Alice Miller or a book titled something like that. I just found that really resonated with me that but as my husbandcommented when I read it to him is that it might just be one factor?

xx