FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

Please describe Depression?

Please describe Depression?

Hi All,

My friends new and old......

I was reading something and came accross this quote by Alice Miller who is a writer and Psychotherapist. She writes;

"Depression is the inability to grieve."


Can anyone comment on this ?

For me: it feels like I am Always going to grieve that my Mum does'nt love or listen to me. She will never take the time to be sensetive to my fragile self. Even though I've cut her off..... I still think about her. Because our meetings with his Mum are very successful, my husband wants to see her and talks about her which is both making me feel firm in not wanting to see her but also: depressed

43 replies

21 - 30 of 43

In response to: Please describe Depression?

Re: Please describe Depression?

Dear @pip,

I love this. What a lovely lovely person in your life. I am feeding my dog Arlo some absolutely yummy food. It's a piece of fish.

@Rome

How are you? My hame is PeppyPAtti, I am a community Guide on the gorums and am delighted to have met you. This is a freee forum that is Australian based for people or carers or both suffering times of mental ill health. We try and change ourselves by helping each other through lived experience.

How are you tonoight? If you hop on a thread like nightshift or ...Sleeping too much, there are usually people around all the time......

In response to: Please describe Depression?

Re: Please describe Depression?

Good morning @PeppiPatty
I don't know how old your parents would be now but I grew up in a time when sons were believed to be more important than daughters. It's simply the way society worked.
I've experienced a similar situation to you but I have learnt to accept this as simply how things were done at that time.
My brothers and I don't have a lot of contact and the only phone calls are the ones I make to him. I'm not sure how my brothers feel about my tight financial situation but I've chosen to accept what is.

I suspect this still happens in older families but I can and already have ensured that my daughter has equal standing with her brothers. In my generation it's not going to happen.

If you brothers seem reluctant to raise this issue with you, are you brave enough to talk to them about it. It was something your parents chose to do and your brothers can't be blamed for your parents actions.

Just a different perspective for you to think about.
As I've become older I've also realised that friends become increasingly important in my life. I don't have many true friends but those I have a real treasures.
Hugzzz 💕 💜 💕

In response to: Re: Please describe Depression?

Re: Please describe Depression?

Hi @Hugzzz. I get where you're coming from in relation to the way boys are viewed as opposed to girls. My mother absolutely 'doted' on my brother, he could do no wrong in her eyes. Dad being an alcoholic, couldn't have cared less. My mum used to instigate fights between my brother and I. She was extremely clever at this, I discovered recently she was Narcissistic. My rellies were farmers , one aunt and uncle had boys to help them on the farm, one uncle had 3 daughters, one son. He had to turn to his 2nd daughter, therefore he never caused problems between his kids. Some families do believe boys are worth their weight, some treat kids equally. I have one of each, I try to instill values re: children's worth, but all we can do is guide. Once the kids reach adulthood, if they're going to learn to respect each other as people, it seems to start once they experience work and living with other sexes. Some men in their late 80's early 90's, particularly men who are not returned servicemen often treat women as 2nd class citizen, I say SOME men, not all of them. My ex FIL not a returned serviceman is the original chauvinist. My dad, although an alcoholic treated mum with respect, due to his serving with other women and learning to respect them. A lot depends on how boys and girls are raised, how they are taught to view the opposite sex etc.

In response to: Re: Please describe Depression?

Re: Please describe Depression?

you are right @Kurra

Ive contacted my brother's wife and apologised for sounding weird to her. I wrote that Im looking forward to speaking to them pysically, next year about it.

In response to: Re: Please describe Depression?

Re: Please describe Depression?

Hi @PeppiPatty

You asked to describe depression. Interesting question.

Depression to me is feeling exhausted all the time. Having no motivation. Feeling so exhausted that I don't even know what I enjoy, because I feel so depressed that I can't enjoy anything. Having trouble getting out of bed. Have trouble socializing because of how I feel. Feeling like I want to hide away, because I don't want anyone to see how I feel. I feel that I need to put a smile on my face and pretend that I am happy, when I go out, so I try not to go out.

I try really hard to hide depression/anxiety from my daughter, because I don't want to burden her with my problems and I want to try and get out and show her that life is to be enjoyed. (I do have to explain to her though, at times).

Years ago I used to feel like this 24/7. On a positive note, I do have some good days now. Which gives me hope that life can be good and fun and I am determined to find out a way to enjoy it with my daughter.

I've been having a terrible time lately, but I know this will pass.

How have you been @PeppiPatty

In response to: Re: Please describe Depression?

Re: Please describe Depression?

As for "depression being, not able to grieve". Hmm!

I have grieved so much over so many things and I often still feel depressed, so it doesn't really make sense to me????

I've grieved over the family I lost (mostly by my choice). I've grieved over losing friends (mostly my choice). I've grieved over the years I've wasted and lost. Just about everything.

What do you think about that statement @PeppiPatty

In response to: Please describe Depression?

Re: Please describe Depression?

Hi @Former-Member @PeppiPatty

Hmm I'm not sure how a 4.5 year old who has 'lost' no one could be in a position of not being able to grieve.

Realistically depression can arise from any number of sources. Enough said.

In response to: Please describe Depression?

Re: Please describe Depression?

It sure can @Kurra

In response to: Re: Please describe Depression?

Re: Please describe Depression?

Hi @PeppiPatty

Describe depression? Depression is a combination of many ills - physical, emotional, mental, spiritual.

It can be looking and constantly focusing on all that is wrong with ones life - overlooking the good.

It can be a result of loss/abandonment/estrangement/divorce/rejection/death. It can be caused by prolonged grief.

It can be about not letting go of the hurts of the past and constantly worrying about the future. Forgetting to live in the present, the moment, for the day only.

Depression can be the result of abuse, emotional/spiritual neglect and/or trauma.

Prolonged stress and financial hardship.

Guilt.

A lack of belief in oneself, others and good in the world.

Constant worrying and catastrophising.

Internal anger and distress by holding onto injustices and hurts - or being pushed beyond ones ability to cope (chronic stress)

A lack of purpose and meaning in life. Resulting in emptiness and lack of spirituality.

Not loving or being loved.

Loss of dreams and friendships/relationships failing.

Perfectionism - always falling short and below unrealistic expectations. Perceived or real failure.

Not doing ones best - underachievement

A symptom of a chemical imbalance in the brain.

A symptom of physical illness or drug side effects - or substance abuse.

It can be a result of feeling worthless - not feeling fully valued or appreciated for who we are.

A result of low confidence and low self esteem.

It can be due to faulty thinking - seeing life always a glass half empty.

It can be a combination of two, three or many of these issues.

But in my opinion depression results mainly from a lack of hope and faith. And to rise out of this black hole we need to believe that in any situation in life If we give it our best shot - there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. ❤️

In response to: Re: Please describe Depression?

Re: Please describe Depression?

Dear @Former-Member

I sit here with reading your messages and I will be honest, I have never been in your position. I must sound niave to you because I've read a book by Alice Miller where she writes about depression and I started a thread.

What do I know about grieving? Besides my biological Father, no one in my family has died. Most of my friends are alive except for one who was murdered last year and one who committed suicide from drug addiction and severalfor years ago from drug addiction.

My husband says that depression might be grieving.

I have been through losing a home but I wasnt on the right medication.

My sons might be on difficult journeys but they both choose life affirming decisions.

I am interested. I am here. Tell me.

PPx

21 - 30 of 43