Checking In

I am sorry your SIL is so mean @oceangirl . It is my experience that if you speak up to people like that they just get more vindictive with you. I thi k you and your brother did well to ignore her and not take the bait ..... but it is important to validate your feelings with people who care, so good on you bringing it up here.

Rude children end up with no friends, and your SIL is behaving like a rude child. I had in-laws who behaved that way, and I remained polite with them, but aloof. I saved my best for the people who love and respect me.

@oceangirltry not to worry about her as she sounds like a very silly woman and will get hers in the end. Rise above it next time she comes out with nasty comments.xxx

Hadn't thought about that @Faith-and-Hope, that putting it back at them makes them more vintictive... Is that where I've been going wrong all these years lol Na, usually I'm too in shock to have 'smart' come backs.
Tonight I've had a bit of a day after talking with my son tonight. I asked him if he'd like to fly up for a weekend and meet me in Cairns in a few weeks (if i ever managed this winter roadtrip). He said "that's impossible because you can't stick to a plan" and
"why would I go that far just for a weekend!"
I reminded him he wants a break away and Cairns would be a good getaway as he's not been there before. . He said: "I'm planning a week off in the Whitsundays next month" I said, "excellent, I'll meet you up there when I pass through" he replied:
"but when I go away I want to be by myself and have a good time relaxing"
😞
(all I really heard him saying is hat he can't relax around me, or have a good time, so yep, he doesn't WANT to be around me, I'm a burden to him 😢). .
We talked about maybe my coming down to Brizzy again, like last month, catch up, cause that worked well?" . He said
"I have to check my diary"
I said "it doesn't have to be a weekend as I know you like them to yourself. An overnight stay, dinner and a movie and dash off in the morning is fine with me cause I just want to see you"
His tone changed and he growled back
"I know you just wanna see me mum, you've been talking about trying to for the last hour...grr! "
This hurt, so I wanted to remind him that he's all I got now, HE is 'my family' but didn't think that was fair on him so replied "I should have had x10 children"
He replied; "more like 1,000!!! judging by your NEED!.."
😟😞😢
I thanked him for talking but I better let him go finishing his ironing, emails and dinner that I interrupted, as we both seem to have run out of things to talk about, and wished him a good week... love you..."
Been crying since.
The hurtful things people say.
He did say he'd get back to me about Cairns and was wanting to come visit here soon...
Anyway F&H, I know it's hard for you to imagine what it's like to only HAVE ONE kidult... but what do you think? Is it me? What should I have said? How do I just forget I have a son? He tells me he "doesn't need a mum" 😢 or "believe in families" 😢 and will never have children 😢 Really! Am i that bad? I don't think so, but Where did I go wrong? I value your parenting style and level head, and compassion. Anyway, don't wanna burden, you being in lockdown and all. Hope you're managing ok 🌻
Hi @Appleblossom, I see you there... What do you think? How are you?
Guess my boy is at his worst as he's lost a friend this ladt week - pancreatic cancer. I'm trying to be supportive but he doesn't seem to want it from me. Just one of those teary nights I guess. This 'rejection' is the only thing that triggers SI in me these days. At least i can make the connection these days, and that its not me. 🤔I don't think it is, or is it? 🙃 gosh, i need a hot choc :face_with_rolling_eyes:

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@BlueBay wrote:

Sorry sis @oceangirl you're feeling depressed and anxious.
your SIL sounds horrible sorry.
I would never talk like that snout anyone especially fsmily.
that's no respect at all.
Does your brother say anything?

It's a tough one @oceangirl

Do you have lots of nightmares or dreams? Thst could be msking you wake up terrible?

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Hi @BlueBay

Thank you for your support. I have to focus on getting myself healthy and just ignoring her. I feel much better talking to you and more comfortable. I do have dreams/nightmares and that could be worsening my depression. I have seem to get into this negative cycle of sleep and depression. And its quite hard to break through and to feel better. But I do feel better coming here and reaching out for support.

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@Emelia8 wrote:

I would feel quite hurt and upset by comments such as you describe @oceangirl . I am sorry you were subjected to such a show of disrespect. You deserve better. 😔🌷

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@Emelia8 I did feel quite hurt by it but I am trying my best to let that go. Its hard to do though but I am learning. It helps somewhat to change your perception and your mindset I have only been able to to do with reaching out for support here.Thank you for your support and kindness. I hope you're well.

In my opinion your son is being harsh with you @Former-Member , but it's not you, it's him. He has inner work to do, but maybe can't see that yet ..... or doesn't know where to start .... sticking his head in the sand. He is acting like you're on the phone to him every 5 minutes (which your not) and clinging to him (which you're also not) ..... you don't live anywhere near him so it's not like he has you living in his pocket or anything .....

He's being a right royal cramy-pants.

It might be unresolved grief from the loss of his sister, and anger at the unfairness of a loss like that ..... and angry people lash out at others a lot.

It sounds like his father is not much of a role model. You might find some of your son's behaviours and ways of speaking are like his dad's, especially as your ex was disrespectful towards you in front of him.

Divorce hurts kids ..... mine are hurt at their ages and stages even though they were grown when ex left ..... without needing any rhyme or reason ..... it just hurts. It hurts them just as much, or more, to remain in an abusive, toxic situation, so you can't win with that one ..... you can only move forward in grace and keep praying over him.

You might be able to make desks with him, like catching up on a new place once every six months-ish for an overnight or weekend, depending on how far away it is and how expensive. Plan something to do there, like visiting Parliament House in Canberra (that might be a sucky example, but you get my meaning, I'm sure).

Hugs @Former-Member ..... you don't deserve him being a cactus, but that's what you've got for now Hon ..... it's good to hear you questioning and venting here. We can help validate your parenting. It's tough ......

💖🌷

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@MDT wrote:
I'm reminded of instances where that has happened to me from friends @oceangirl
Its easier to say that I can confront someone about it but I chose not to most of the time - more stress than necessary. I've noticed it ina friend of mine. I believe his attitude can also be put down to drug usage though - a side effect

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@MDT Thank you for your message Hams- How are you? It does hurt because I would never talk to someone like that because I value and respect them. I think with her it is best to ignore her because I don't think you can win with her. And also like what you said it would cause me a lot of stress to do so. To be able to speak up to someone I think you have some sort of relationship and trust with them. But not always the case I have spoken to others when I have not really know them but for me to do so I must have been comfortable with them becacause I am not someone who is a confortational person.

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@Former-Member wrote:

Hi @oceangirl I was thinking of you the last couple of days with talk on another thread about having a Beach Party, wanted to tag you but not quick enough but will if it takes off.

I'd be offended too with your sil's comment "not that special!" Who says that stuff? Surly she was referring to the price of THE ITEM being beyond what SHE could afford. Its about her, not you or ya mum Oceangirll.. you're pretty special here with us you know 😃

.Pitty you didn't jokingly reflect it back at her (oh the games we play) but not you, you're too dignified to stoop to that. Good soul.. Chin up 💙 💙 💙

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@Former-Member Thank you for the message and support. I will check the thread and please let me know if the beach party goes ahead- it sounds like fun and I would love to join in.

I was thinking along the same lines as you but for some reason it helps to hear others opinions and that can help you understand more because they have validated your thoughts and feelings. I just surround myself with people that make me feel good and hopefully they feel the same in my company.

@Faith-and-Hope Thank you for your support- it means a lot to me. You're right it is best not to react to her but to ignore and be polite. Because its just adding fuel to the fire and to be honet I don't think you could ever win with her. And to leave the best of me- for the people who love and respect me. I will always remember this statement because it is so true.

I hope you're well and getting through your uni assignments. I do know you have a lot on your plate but you seem to be more grounded. I am going to the gym tomorrow and hoping that will lift my spirits.