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Something’s not right

Need to vent

Need to vent

Hi everyone

I need to vent!!

I'm not coping

I'm not enjoying my new job. It's mundane, boring and triggering. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in my pharmacy job 4 days before Christmas. I then found a casual job at a supermarket. The job I do is very boring. I have far too much 'alone' time at work so my mind wanders to a lot of stuff. I asked my supervisor if i could learn the registers as thats what i would love to do. she replied that she couldn't until next year, don't know why as we are so short staffed and they need extras.

They advertise extra shifts or replacing a shift on facebook, which i really hate. but that's how they do it. i asked my supervisor if i could pick up extra shifts even though i don't know the registers. she replied yes thats fine that i would still do cleaning.

The other day a staff member posted she needed someone to do a shift. i was the first one tyo reply and accept the shift. another girl replied after me. the staff member replied back to me saying she would give that shift to the second girl as i don't know tyhe registers. I was so annoyed, angry and then upset. I feel used, and discriminated.

The problem is I am 'too scared' to confront my supervisor and ask again as i don't want the other member to get into gtrouble. so this means that i can't get any extra shifts until i learn the registers.

it is so wrong

the other issue i am having is seeing the old pharmacy customers. it's not an issue in that i see them, they love to talk. some still didn't know i had gone!!! but each time i see them and they say 'oh i am sorry to what happened to you' i get upset, hurt angry at the new owners. i miss the girls i used to work with and the job.

working for a much much bigger organisation is hard. there is so much clicks, so much politics and crap. i try to go in and do my job and go home.

but with so much time on my hands at work i start to think negatively.

i have recentyly had terrible vertigo, a 5 day migraine and today again another headache. i decided to call in sick and was spoken to so rude and short by the supervisor. it's like she doesn't believe me when i call in sick. and my anxiety is extremely high in having to ring her.

i don't have the confidence to leave and get another job. i feel i am not good enough

i am sorry to vent, i know a lot of you are struggling with your own issues. and that i should be thankful that i do have a job, as a lot of people have lost theirs.

4898 replies

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In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Ohh my sister @BlueBay , thinking of you lots today and hoping today is going ok xxxx

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @BlueBay

I was looking around to see if you had posted anything anywhere else in the forum and found your poems - they are fantastic - so expressive and they also explain so much about your life

So right now you have found that venting isn't helping and you don't think anyone knows how much you hate your job. Okay - you hate your job and I imagine other people reading your journal here know and I certainly know how much you hate your job. And it does seem to me to be demeaning when the baskets don't need cleaning and you are alone in your corner and can see other people chatting and joking with each other and you are alone.

Your supervisor sounds like a genuine bad number - I am really aware of this and how it affects you What surprises me is that you allow fear to stop you from going to the manager about this - there are three things I can think of right now - you can stop working there or just go on feeling miserable or go to the manager and yes - you need the small amount of money you are paid for the shortened hours you have and it does get you out of the house but the price you pay in your mental health for this is huge.

Why is it that fear stops you from doing so much? We all have fear, worry, stress - in varying degrees - in your case it seems to be destroying any happiness you might be able to find. I am so sorry to know this. I hear something on TV today about the dark thoughts in our lives crowding out the space in our hearts and minds so there is no space for the great and helpful ideas.

I thought of you immediately and I want you to know that things can be better for you - your doctor said that this year it was to be about your behaviour. I think that is a brilliant idea - I really understand that BPD takes control of your emotions but for a long time now I have thought that although people with BPD have to live in the surf of their emotions they can control their behaviour.

As hard as it might, must, be for you - it is necessary to take charge of your thoughts and stop fear from preventing you from speaking out about your supervisor. You are strong enough - you can do it

And I really do hope and pray you can because that is where things have to be better. How can they be any worse. Your supervisor has the power because you give it to her and you really need to take it back. And I believe you can

I want you to think hard about what your really want in life. It's pretty obvious that you want to be free of all this stress and this is one way to do it. You might get a better deal at work - after all - could anything be any worse

I wish you the best - I really do.

Dec

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

My friend has just passed away tonight

too young (53) died from cancer

she died at home eith her husband and kids around her

left three beautiful children who all went to school with my kids

her eldest is my daughters friend

her daughter is 28 weeks pregnant and organised her wedding in 2 weeks back in December. My daughter did their make up.

I can't talk

I don't know what to say

I'm so emotional

my heart is aching for their loss 😢😢

sorry I havent been around or replied to anyone. Right now I just can't think.

life is so cruel 😢😢😢

@Owlunar @Shaz51 @MDT @BPDSurvivor @Faith-and-Hope @Emelia8 and others reading

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@BlueBay 😢💔

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

That's really hard @BlueBay

You will feel emotional and this will be tough for you and I am sorry

Thanks for letting us know and there is no need to say more - try and take things easy

Dec 💙💜🦉

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @BlueBay ,

Sounds so tough at the moment - that life's just so unfair.

Hugs.

I read your post last night but couldn't respond because for the first time in a long time, I was having it tough - a big disagreement and misunderstanding with someone.


I ended up:

1. taking a PRN

2. complete a mindfulness/meditation session using the Smiling Mind app

3. sleep

This morning, I feel a little sad, but it's okay. Once I get going, I'll perk up. Another thing is, I'm determined not to fall into a depressive hole. This means I have to work against what I feel like doing (hiding under a blanket in bed ALL DAY). It's hard. But this is the work that needs to be done - fight what I naturally want to do.

Hugs again @BlueBay ,

BPDSurvivor

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Feeling very alone and abandoned

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @BlueBay ... lovely to see you. You havent posted in over a week, not since my latest post to you I think. I hope your week has been okay? How is work going, and have you heard anything from any of the jobs you applied for?

Emelia 🤗💕

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I haven't been good @Emelia8

struggling with the loss of my friend

Struggling financially and receiving a very overdue bill has put us down greatly

I feel very alone on here

but that's ok

everyone has their own issues and struggles

I'm not the only one

in the midst of all my emotions I had a job trial yesterday for an hour

after 1/2 hr they sent me home

haven't heard back so not sure

my week has been very emotional and overwhelming

wirk is shit

I have never felt so horrible and alone at a workplace like this - very toxic for me

Feeling very desperate

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I'm sorry to hear that @BlueBay ... sounds like a particularly difficult week for you all round.

I really hope you get some good news and find some positivity in your life soon. You are overdue for some, thats for sure.

I'm sorry BB, but I have been fairly quiet here myself this past week or so. Not in a great place either. Thinking of you though, and sending much love and a big hug. Hope your little A continues to bring you joy.

Emelia 🤗💕

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