Need to vent

It's nice to see how much support you have on here @Emelia8 and you so deserve sll the love snd support you're getting

and there are others on here that have such a great connection with others.

snyway it is what it is. I'm not sure I should be on here anymore. I just feel alone.

but it's ok it's me. No one else.

You are right @BlueBay .. I'm very lucky, and very grateful for all the support I receive here. It helps to sustain me, when things are really tough.

You have many friends here too BB, please never forget that. You have every right to be here, and everyone appreciates your presence and input when you are able to give it.

But I do understand you feeling very alone at times. Unfortunately that usually goes hand in hand with our various MH issues.

Love to you.

Emelia 😄🌷

Hey @BlueBay,

I'm really sorry to hear of your loss and how hard things have been. If you feel like you need to take a break, that's absolutely ok, but just wanted to say too that you're always welcome here. Hope things feel a little better soon 💙

All I wanted was support while I was struggling this past week @TideisTurning

it doesn't matter

i can't say anything more

it's ok.

thanks @Emelia8 xx

I'm sorry you feel let down and left out atm @BlueBay

I know I have supported you a lot over time and my feelings are a little bruised but that's okay - I will recover

I haven't responded much lately - since your friend died only once - I have been having a battle with shoulder pain and I need to self-care - something we all need to do sometimes and I encourage people to care for themselves - also I tend to keep things to myself which is okay

You get a lot of support here and imo there's no need to think you aren't welcome or fit in - you clearly do

Recently I asked what you would like people to do for you - you never responded -

I'm not going crook - I'm just very tired

Dec

Dear @BlueBay

I havent seen you around in over a week now. So I thought I'd call in and let you know that you are being thought of, and that I hope you are doing a little better than you were.

I know you have struggled these past couple of weeks, and I really wish I could support you more than I have. But then again, if you arent here, its a bit hard for any of us to do very well. I wish I knew how to support you more, and in a manner that made a difference to you.

Of course it matters @BlueBay ! You matter, and how you feel about things matters very much. I know @Owlunar has a really good understanding of how to support you, and I know she cares about you a great deal. She has researched a lot on how the BPD mind works, and I know she has consistently tried to help you. As have others of us. But it is really hard when we dont know what you want or need. I accept that it may be a case of you not knowing either? And that makes things doubly hard.

Anyway ... I really hope you are coping as well as you can. I hope you are receiving adequate support from your MH team. I hope your job search continues to tick along. Last I heard, you had a work trial, but had not heard back since then. Perhaps you have heard something since? Please give your little grand daughter A, a big hug from me.

Sending love and care to you BlueBay. I've missed you a lot.

Emelia 🤗💓🌸

Wonderfully said @Emelia8

What Em has said is so right @BlueBay - we don't know what we can say to help you - and indeed - perhaps you don't know either.

I might have been more helpful if I hadn't been so unwell the week when your needed more support - I am much better now but still wonder what any of us can do when you need more support - perhaps more understanding - than we have.

Perhaps this a time in your life to take stock and work out what is really important for yourself - not an easy task - but necessary. I doubt very much if any one is not thinking of your right now

All the best

Dec

Hi @Owlunar @Emelia8 and others who want to follow -

I have been upset, to be honest. I find it really hard to see other members (which i won't say their names) that get so much support. They receive messages every day, checking in on them; missing them; etc etc etc

I know i shouldn't have read those messages but i did and it hurt. I felt very alone, abandoned and rejected by others.

It's okay - it's me that has to deal with this rejection; i need to handle abandonment better than what I am. How?? I still don't know. I will bring this up with my psychologist at next appt in a few weeks.

I guess i was just hoping for others to reach out; check in on me - but it doesn't matter anymore.

I needed time away; i couldn't be on here. Also i find it extememly hard to read so many differernt posts and keep up with everyone. i can't concentrate or remember peoples issues. it was getting too overwhelming for me.

I am struggling. Yes @Emelia8 i did that job trial but never heard back. Its so rude from them to give me a trial and never call back. I sent them a message but they never replied. i asked them how my trial went and if the job was filled. So that has been a big big let down; i guess a bit of rejection as well. And i don't cope well with that.

I do think of you all and wish i could be here for all of you - it's just that sometimes i don't know what to say. and then i get overwhelmed. And then i read other responses and i feel so inadequate; so stupid and worthless.

guess this is me and how i am feeling right now. my current job sucks big time; i don't want to be there anymore but as much as i could resign i keep going because we need the money. and that's another stress.

i feel that stress follows me; anxiety is huge. i need to apply for 4 jobs in a month for centrelink which is stressful. i keep applying though but keep getting rejected. i don't know how much longer i can keep feeling like this. it's really knocked me completely,

I am seeing a new GP at a new clinic near home and he asked me the other day how i was going. i broke down and he sat and listened., he is very good.

i am sorry i haven't been around to support any of you; i do feel guilty. But i just needed time away for a bit. Although i have been using Sane chat line quite a lot. That has helped.

@Owlunar I know you have read up a lot on BPD and I know you have some understanding on how I am. Well sort of, i guess you don't know me personally but from what i have told you on here. You have supported me a great deal and I am sorry i haven't supported you the same. It really upsets me that i can't be there for you at times when you need support. i feel so selfish and guilty. I am sorry that your shoulder has been playing up with pain. That's not good.

@Emelia8 i am sorry too that you have had your daily struggles recently and i haven't been there for you.

After seeing this new GP and telling him i am not on any AD he recommended that i go back on them asap. So i have; am taking them daily.

Losing my friend really affected me; i think because we are of the same age. and it's hard. but i am ok.

You know i hate seeing others angry with me; this is not what i want for anyone. I struggle with pleasing people; something else i need to work on.

Gosh so much work i need to do on myself. My new GP said that he is aware of how hard BPD is weith patients and it's a long recovery. I was happy to hear that becasue i felt that my other GP didn't have a clue about BPD.

Anyway, i think i have written a story, this is so long!!! Wishing you both well and chat soon again

BB xxxxooo

Hi @BlueBay

I can write a little now but I need to think quite a bit - but there is no need to feel guilty about anything

I am sure no one here is angry with you - it's just your feelings - I guess people feel frustrated at times - I read something about that and BPD yesterday. I was often so frustrated with my son.

After all - it is hard to know how badly people with BPD are feeling because it seems to me that you take feelings more personally. I know if I am told not to take anything personally it becomes super-personal immediately but it is true that the world can be a cruel place sometimes and it can really hurt

Some people are chattier than others and perhaps get to know each other - I could not actually spend so much time chatting like that often but I do enjoy it when I get into a chat. Possibly the idea is to read a little and join in with a couple of people a little at a time and things might improve

I am sure people here care a lot - I know I do. And we are all different. We are here for different reasons and we write differently, think differently, need different things. You can only do your best

I don't know how you stick at your job. I wouldn't. It's up to you but you are not happy there and it's certainly not helping. It's good you have found a different GP - a change can certainly help sometimes

And I am feeling much better now. We can all get someone interferring in our lives at time. The nurse who gave me a lecture at my specialist's clinic a few weeks ago stuffed up my medication. I saw the doctor last week and he increased my tablets and I am much better. You are not alone in getting a raw deal now and again. Shit happens as they say and taking the right medication makes a difference

If you need more support just say it. Don't wait and feel miserable about it. Let us know. There are hundreds of people here and someone will reply

And you are not stupid. Believe me - you are not. Reading a lot of posts at the same time would confuse the best of memories I am sure - I can't handle more then the few people I do post with.

Take life easierl - I have posted a lot more too and I need to have lunch. I didn't eat much for a few days - I was in too much pain and then I was too tired but I am catching up

Care for yourself and ask for help when you need it

Dec

thanks a lot @Owlunar it really means a lot to me xxxoo

I'm off for lunch with hubby and some of his work mates. i didn't really want to go, i don't like to socialise a lot but i am making an effort. and it's a nice day so i will be okay and hopefully have a nice lunch.

My D and little A are off with her partner and hhis daughters for a picnic lunch and play at park. it should be a nice time for them as well.

One son is asleep he worked night shift and younger son in city for a few days. he'll be home tomorrow night.

I am trying to enjoy each day, but sometimes it doesn't happen. but then i break it down to hour by hour.

better be off; i will chat later.

thanks again my friend xxx