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Something’s not right

Need to vent

Need to vent

Hi everyone

I need to vent!!

I'm not coping

I'm not enjoying my new job. It's mundane, boring and triggering. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in my pharmacy job 4 days before Christmas. I then found a casual job at a supermarket. The job I do is very boring. I have far too much 'alone' time at work so my mind wanders to a lot of stuff. I asked my supervisor if i could learn the registers as thats what i would love to do. she replied that she couldn't until next year, don't know why as we are so short staffed and they need extras.

They advertise extra shifts or replacing a shift on facebook, which i really hate. but that's how they do it. i asked my supervisor if i could pick up extra shifts even though i don't know the registers. she replied yes thats fine that i would still do cleaning.

The other day a staff member posted she needed someone to do a shift. i was the first one tyo reply and accept the shift. another girl replied after me. the staff member replied back to me saying she would give that shift to the second girl as i don't know tyhe registers. I was so annoyed, angry and then upset. I feel used, and discriminated.

The problem is I am 'too scared' to confront my supervisor and ask again as i don't want the other member to get into gtrouble. so this means that i can't get any extra shifts until i learn the registers.

it is so wrong

the other issue i am having is seeing the old pharmacy customers. it's not an issue in that i see them, they love to talk. some still didn't know i had gone!!! but each time i see them and they say 'oh i am sorry to what happened to you' i get upset, hurt angry at the new owners. i miss the girls i used to work with and the job.

working for a much much bigger organisation is hard. there is so much clicks, so much politics and crap. i try to go in and do my job and go home.

but with so much time on my hands at work i start to think negatively.

i have recentyly had terrible vertigo, a 5 day migraine and today again another headache. i decided to call in sick and was spoken to so rude and short by the supervisor. it's like she doesn't believe me when i call in sick. and my anxiety is extremely high in having to ring her.

i don't have the confidence to leave and get another job. i feel i am not good enough

i am sorry to vent, i know a lot of you are struggling with your own issues. and that i should be thankful that i do have a job, as a lot of people have lost theirs.

4898 replies

551 - 560 of 4,898

In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Thsnks @Emelia8 that's a lovely picture sbd words. Made me cry.

I went to work yesterday. No real chsnge. Just sitting at my corner cleaning baskets.
feel pretty shit.
I'm in pain the past week Not sure if it's pancreas. Going back To my doctor tomorrow. it's stress too im sure.

I feel pretty low at the moment. Think I need meds chsnge or increase. I'm just not coping. I really don't care about stuff anymore. It's all too hard.
seeing my psychologist tomorrow morning.
that should be interesting. Think I should tell her how bad I'm feeling and that I'm having suicidal thoughts. Prob shouldn't mention it here. Sorry.
do you know I've applied for 7 jobs in past 8 weeks. Have to for centrelink. I'm tired of looking for work. I'm getting desperate.
I'm sorry for venting so much @Emelia8

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hey @BlueBay,

Sorry to hear that you're struggling, and that you're having suicidal thoughts. You are okay to mention it here, because it's helpful to know where you're at so we can support you. It can be so distressing to have to carry those thoughts by yourself. I hope you've got someone you can talk to about it, or that you can reach out to a crisis service - especially if they get any worse. In the meantime we are here beside you

Hope it goes as well as it can with the psych tomorrow.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Difficult emotional session with psychologist today

don't want to talk

I'm over everything

I just can't cope

spoke to my gastroenterologist this afternoon reg pain. If not better in few weeks might need to have special gastroscope at a Melbourne hospital where the machine is.

Saw my GP. I realised today he has no idea about BPD st sll. He says I'm doing really well. He says keep going to work.
ge has no idea how degrading it is and terrible I feel.
Anyway no point me complaining - I don't get anywhere.

sometimes I just want to run away

just to be alone

Some Peace and quiet

I csnt cope

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @BlueBay,

It sounds like today was a tough one with a lot of stuff that happened.

Thinking of you and we are here for you.

tropicalsun

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I'm sorry @BlueBay - I know It's tough and I wouldn't know how tough until I started reading about BPD when I was in hospital last year

That was some exercise and I'm still reading - there's a huge amount of info out there - BPD is really difficult to treat - hard to work through but recovery is possible

@BPDSurvivor is a great source of info - I have learned a lot from reading her posts - thanks @BPDSurvivor

Ask you family to respect your need for some peace this evening - we are locked down again - rotten for you I know

I'm thinking of you - sending gentle hugs

Dec

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@Former-Member @Owlunar @Emelia8

it just seems that every day there is something more and more harder to cope with

it seems that i am going downhill again yet my GP doesn't think so - well he's not me

oh it doesn't matter really

don't worry

i might just need to be alone for a while

i don't know i really don't

just heard the news that there are lots of people heading down my way and apparently if they come down this way they have to stay now for the next 5 days. lets hope they all isolate and stay home.

i'm sorry i am just angry with a few people, few things that i can't control or fix.

@Owlunar i have decided to call my dad on wednesday for his birthday. i am trying to 'get ready in my head' for my mum answering the phone. if she does and starts to attack me - i will be ready and say to her i want to wish dad a happy birthday. will see what happends. but this is on my mind a lot. now i am crying. i think of him daily, he is not getting younger so i want to see as much as i can of him. you just never know from day to day.

anyway i don't even know why i am on here

sorry xx

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

There is just so much happening for you right now @BlueBay and little wonder you are feeling somewhat overwhelmed.

And it does matter ... anything that bothers or upsets you ... matters.

Really sorry that VIC is back in a snap 5 day lockdown. Sounds like the CBD of Melbourne is looking to escape for a few days to the beach for the lockdown. It seems so unfair that those of you people who live in beautiful areas, get inundated by so many visitors. Its rarely your own back yard really, having to share with everyone else. I too hope they isolate as they are meant to. Its all of VIC in a lockdown isnt it, and not just the CBD? Lets hope those visitors do the right thing. And lets also hope that the 5 day lockdown prevents any further spread of the Virus.

I'm glad that you have decided to call your dad for his birthday. At least you will have done the right thing, and tried. Fingers crossed you get to talk to him.

Sending love and a hug beautiful.

Emelia 😊💞🤗

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

It really does matter @BlueBay

I am concerned for you - and as @Emelia8 says - anything that concerns and upsets you is important and really matters. Having these tourists barge down to get away from it all is socially okay I think - after all - I am (or usually would be) a tourist. Still these seem to be an invasion. All if them rushing into their extra home and driving everywhere - taking over the beaches - wherever you look - people who come to get away from the city - wouldn't we all love to get away from it all

It matters and you are free to vent here all you need to

All the best with ringing your Dad - I hope you do get to speak to him. I guess your mother is the mail phone answerer - so prepare your mind to refuse to interact with her and just repeat

"I want to wish Dad a Happy Birthday - can you please tell him I am here,"

She truly does not have the right to keep you from your father and it is his choice to come to the phone or not - I hope he does.

Just play the Broken Record with your mother - you don't need to say more - all your business with her is that you want to speak to your Dad on his birthday. You mother has issues with control and don't let her have it - so practise what your plan it before you ring

It's would have been my dad's birthday today - 101 years - I have been okay about that today - I still have the last birthday card I bought for him and even a stamp - but he died before I was able to see him - just before his birthday

But I have good memories so I will be having the best thoughts possible that you get to talk to your Dad and it won't be easy for you but so worth it

Dec

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hugs @BlueBay

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi everyone

there is something I haven't said to you all

- I'm NOT on any meds.
while in hodpital in Dec my cardiologist decided to try a medication that may help my laughing/fainting. It's an old anti dep but also helps with the electrical parts of the heart. He spoke to my psych who said yes try it. I took it for 3 weeks but felt sick the whole time. I was lightheaded, floating and spaced out. I wasn't good. So my GP decided to take me off it snd didn't put me back on any anti dep.

when I asked him if I could go back on the previous one he refused to give me a script saying that "this year for you is all about behaviour, no medication will fix you"

I then walked away feeling worried, scared that I had no meds to help me. Thdn I had a thought thinking ok after 10 years I may be ok.
but this week I've been thinking my mood is very up and down. I think I need to go bsvk on something. Yesterday I saw my dictir and was in a very down mood. Asked for meds snd he refused.

I emailed my psych and told him I need meds. He has just replied and said to see my GP fir a script for my previous med. and then he will review at next appointment. I replied that my GP is reluctant and won't give me a script. Now I'm waiting for a reply.

I don't know if I need them or not. I know they won't fix me or get rid of things. I know a lot of my issues is ptsd, situational issues eg work and mum. Also my emotional regulation. I know that a tablet won't fix this.

so I don't know now what to do. I'm annoyed thst my GP thinks I'm fine. He thinks I'm stronger than last year. I told him "glad you think so because I don't think I am".


im feeling really not right. I feel stuck at home. But I may go for a walk soon. I feel weird.
I also told my GP that since getting sick in December with diverticulitis my stomach hasn't been right. He's reply "oh you've prob got gastritis". But he didn't even feel my abdomen. He couldn't give me an answer.

@BPDSurvivor @Owlunar @Emelia8 @MDT @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope and others following

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