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Something’s not right

Need to vent

Need to vent

Hi everyone

I need to vent!!

I'm not coping

I'm not enjoying my new job. It's mundane, boring and triggering. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in my pharmacy job 4 days before Christmas. I then found a casual job at a supermarket. The job I do is very boring. I have far too much 'alone' time at work so my mind wanders to a lot of stuff. I asked my supervisor if i could learn the registers as thats what i would love to do. she replied that she couldn't until next year, don't know why as we are so short staffed and they need extras.

They advertise extra shifts or replacing a shift on facebook, which i really hate. but that's how they do it. i asked my supervisor if i could pick up extra shifts even though i don't know the registers. she replied yes thats fine that i would still do cleaning.

The other day a staff member posted she needed someone to do a shift. i was the first one tyo reply and accept the shift. another girl replied after me. the staff member replied back to me saying she would give that shift to the second girl as i don't know tyhe registers. I was so annoyed, angry and then upset. I feel used, and discriminated.

The problem is I am 'too scared' to confront my supervisor and ask again as i don't want the other member to get into gtrouble. so this means that i can't get any extra shifts until i learn the registers.

it is so wrong

the other issue i am having is seeing the old pharmacy customers. it's not an issue in that i see them, they love to talk. some still didn't know i had gone!!! but each time i see them and they say 'oh i am sorry to what happened to you' i get upset, hurt angry at the new owners. i miss the girls i used to work with and the job.

working for a much much bigger organisation is hard. there is so much clicks, so much politics and crap. i try to go in and do my job and go home.

but with so much time on my hands at work i start to think negatively.

i have recentyly had terrible vertigo, a 5 day migraine and today again another headache. i decided to call in sick and was spoken to so rude and short by the supervisor. it's like she doesn't believe me when i call in sick. and my anxiety is extremely high in having to ring her.

i don't have the confidence to leave and get another job. i feel i am not good enough

i am sorry to vent, i know a lot of you are struggling with your own issues. and that i should be thankful that i do have a job, as a lot of people have lost theirs.

4898 replies

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In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Sorry @BlueBay, I just saw your earlier post. Sorry you are having such trouble with your family, that can be very hard.

What are you up to tonight?

Sitting with you 💜

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

hi @Former-Member
I’m angry

very angry

I’m hurting

I’m treated like it’s all my fault

maybe it is

maybe I should have kept quiet about my childhood abuse

all I ever wanted was an apology

a validation and even a hug

all I got was - a hard angry look on her face

emotional and verbal abuse from her

time and time again

and my dad is stuck

why can’t he phone me

what is so hard about that

they don’t care about me

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Sitting with you @BlueBay 💜

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

all i ever wanted out of this (after telling parents about my childhood sexual abuse) was -

  • a "sorry"
  • a big big hug
  • a kiss
  • validation
  • soft caring voice like a mother should be to their child
  • concern
  • phone call every now and then to see how i am coping

my rational mind gets that my parents are in their 80's and won't be around forever

my emotional mind is in shreds; ripped, torn apart from the emotional abuse i get all the time from my mum

i have a lot of trouble separating these two minds

when i thought that i would tell my parents about my memories of childhood abuse i was scared, but all i wanted was to tell them and they would care about me.

Right here is where I lost all the message i had written -

and now i can't remember what i just wrote.

all i know is i am hurting badly, i am crying, i am feeling overwhelmed

i had written so much and just lost it all. i now can't even think and remember what i just wrote. i am so angry.

@Former-Member @oceangirl @Snowie @tyme @Emelia8 @Shaz51 @hanami and others i can't remember right now, sorry.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

my car has just been hit

thankfully the people left a note with phone number and email address

now i have to organise it to get fixed

it's such an inconvenience

but no one got hurt so that was the main thing

horrible to park your car and come back to find a damaged car with a note

@Former-Member @Snowie @tyme @hanami @Shaz51 @Emelia8 and others following

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hugs @BlueBay xxxx

Hello @Former-Member , @oceangirl , @Snowie , @tyme

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@BlueBay hoping today went ok for you hon

Sitting with you 💗💗

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hello @BlueBay , thinking of you lots

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

The rain is coming down very heavy

all night, rain and wind and thunder

roads near us are flooded

backyard has lots of water

been awake since 4.30am

had a very restless night

seeing my doctor this morning at 8am to find out the results of my pelvic ultrasound

and what the fibroids are doing - getting bigger, smaller or disintegrating

i called my mum on saturday to go over and her answer was 'no you can't i am waiting for someone' - i would love to know who that 'someone' was. she then says ring sunday morning.

i then thought 'no i am not going on sunday'. but then when i woke up yesterday morning i kept thinking about my dad and thought i will ring and see what she says.

i called at 8am, no answer so left msg on answering machine. rang again at 8.30 and 9am still no answer so left a second message.

in the afternoon i thought i will ring her to see what she says and let her know that i did call to go over.

i rang and she answered and i told her i called 3 times and left 2 messages. her reply was 'no i didn't get any messages' to which i said 'that's very strange, i heard the man talk on the machine and i left 2 messages' to which she says 'no sometimes i don't get messages' - yeah how convenient you didn't get mine.

i am very angry, hurt and feel she is playing games with me. and yet i get hurt so many times. i go in for her bait all the time and get hurt. it is so hard because i miss my dad and want to see him but she has the control.

i really wish i had a different mum - i know this sounds very harsh but i do.

@Shaz51 @Snowie @Former-Member @oceangirl @tyme @Emelia8 @BPDSurvivor @Eve7 and others i have missed

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@BlueBay here with you hon.

Sending lots of love your way 💗💗

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