Need to vent

I’m sorry guys but I really need to vent out at my mum

I’m sorry I’m really really angry snd need to let it out before I do something bad

These are words thoughts in my head that need to be written down

why did you send my d invitation back after you said you weren’t coming

why?

if it’s because my younger sister wasn’t invited - well uts none of my business who my D invites and actually none of your business either

if you think I’ve not raised my kids properly - then you are so wrong. I’ve brought my kids up to be strong intelligent caring and supportive adults.
you always put me down. You abandoned me when I was in need of you.
You’ve never treated me equal

how dare you say that your only son is “the best”. Thst he can do no wrong. Wtf. How how can he be your golden child. After everything he’s gone to you and dad. Everything. He ripped you off. He used you. He used and lied to us all. He still lies he’s a horrible person. Snd you say “he can do no wrong”

how.
you want to split the siblings. You don’t want me snd my sister to be close

you hate it

you are so raged that I told my sister before you about my childhood sexual abuse

why? She’s my sister. I had to tell someone. I confided in my sister not a friend. You’re a mum who shouldn't be angry at that.
how dare you not love me. Support me. Your cold face Your unloving behaviour . Your anger

yiu always have to be right. No point in saying what I think.
I can never say how I feel. You don’t understand. Or you pretend to not understand. You play tricks. You play my sister snd I up against each other. You love trouble. You love winning control manipulation.
if you want to stay on your own that’s your choice

put dad on the phone

put dad on the phone

PUT HIM ON THE OHOBE!!!!

why do you let mum get away with all this

over the years she’s said snd done horrible things to me

snd yiu never once stuck up for me

your little girl

all frightened and vulnerable

why? why couldn’t you just take me snd run

she’s controlled you

but you have a voice

snd now I’ll never see you again

how can she do this

she doesn’t want to be close to you

what if I never see you again

what if I never get to tell you how much I loved you

STOP

Just stop

I hate you

I don’t cate if I never see you again

I just want dad

@Eve7 @Former-Member @Former-Member @Eve7 @Owlunar @Shaz51 @Emelia8 @MDT @Jynx @BPDSurvivor

Thanks @Eve7 chicken soup yes pls xxx

thanks @MDT xx

Hi @BlueBay

I do tend to keep to myself when my own life is tough - I guess I wait for the time to pass and care for myself - it's the best I can

But I have been reading what you have written - I do understand and I am really sorry you have COVID - that's a bad break - rotten too

However - you are allowed to vent in your thread - that is what it's about - still - I am sure that the anger you have toward your mother - while justified - is making it harder for you to endure a bad virus attack

You do spend so much time wishing for something you can't have - your mother's love - that's not likely to change - and she thinks your brother is the ants pants - and she can if she so choses - you can see it's a bad mistake as we all can

My mother did the same and favoured my younger sister - who was a spoiled brat - so I do get it - I understand

Perhaps your mother favours your brother because she doesn't see it as "sucking up" and trying to be nice to her - and although I know you try to be kind to your mother for the right reasons she might see it as a weakness - I don't know but she doesn't seem to be all that well mentally and she won't change and it does hurt - I know

You can't see the future though - but in my case that "future" has become the past and I know my parents regretted their behaviour - hold onto that - you just don't know most of what can happen in that time - I couldn't - I only know my father wanted me back in the family and my mother kept on with her snaky comments but died with huge regrets

You do have a wonderful family and so you have done something right - at least be grateful for that - it is far more important than your mother

I can't write much - I am getting through my days waiting for bad news about my aunt and knowing it will come - there is so much COVID about I am not anxious to expose myself so it's a wait and see game but I do care about you

Sending my love

Dec

thank you my friend for your reply @Owlunar

i know and understand what you're going through at the moment and i am truly sorry. It is so hard with the amount of people with Covid at the moment and trying to get a test or a rapid test is so hard. i know you haven't been on here for a little while and i appreciate your response to me.

today i am feeling a little better but i will go easy on myself as i don't want to push myself too much too quickly. i think i will continue reading my book, which is a good read. and maybe if i can i will do a little bit of sewing.

you're right - i can't see the future and who knows how that will pan out. but for now i need to focus on my own health and wellbeing, my own family. thank you i know i have done a bloody good job with my own kids. they love and care about me and likewise. i spend so much time with my daughter and little A. and that will be a memory that will live on as a beautiful memory. i care so so much about my own kids.

i often think back at my mum and her own family and wonder why she doesn't talk to any of her 9 siblings. it's such a shame, very sad that a big big family are not close. or she chooses to not be close. i have a feeling that there is more to her family in particular with her mum. whether there was some scandal or something - i have a feeling. but anyway that's not my worry for now.

i am going to continue with my craft business and see how that goes.

just had a conversation with hubby and we are seeing agents now to come to our house. we have to bite the bullet and just do it. the more we wait the longer it will take to sell. then once we have sold we will know how much money we'll have and to see which area we will look into.

i have a feeling that this year is all about change - change for me; my kids; my son moving out into his own new home and my daughter's continuing happiness with her new man. and whether or not these positive changes involve my parents or not - well - what will be will be.

whenever i talk to you @Owlunar you make me see what good i have.

thank you again for your post. i am always thinking of you and especially at this hard time for you.

my best wishes xxxxooo

Hello my sister xoxo @BlueBay

I have come in contact with someone who tested positive for covid19 who we clean for

@MDT , @Owlunar , @Eve7 , @Former-Member

Oh no @Shaz51 so now you need to test and isolate

and what about your mum - oh that’s going to be hard to isolate from her

take care lovely xxxxxx

@Shaz51 I hope you all are ok. Good luck with testing negative, I hope it's a negative test and we'll be here to chitchat whenever you need... MMM please have some Hershey's chocolates with me guys! They're soooo good @Dimity, @Meowmy, @Zoe7, @Eve7, @Appleblossom, @Faith-and-Hope, @LookingHopeful, @Judi9877, and others!

P.S. Excuse the typos

Thank you @BlueBay , @Former-Member 😀🥰

Got our fingers crossed that we don't get it

No work tomorrow

At the moment I’m feeling angry

sad depressed and tired