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Something’s not right

Need to vent

Need to vent

Hi everyone

I need to vent!!

I'm not coping

I'm not enjoying my new job. It's mundane, boring and triggering. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in my pharmacy job 4 days before Christmas. I then found a casual job at a supermarket. The job I do is very boring. I have far too much 'alone' time at work so my mind wanders to a lot of stuff. I asked my supervisor if i could learn the registers as thats what i would love to do. she replied that she couldn't until next year, don't know why as we are so short staffed and they need extras.

They advertise extra shifts or replacing a shift on facebook, which i really hate. but that's how they do it. i asked my supervisor if i could pick up extra shifts even though i don't know the registers. she replied yes thats fine that i would still do cleaning.

The other day a staff member posted she needed someone to do a shift. i was the first one tyo reply and accept the shift. another girl replied after me. the staff member replied back to me saying she would give that shift to the second girl as i don't know tyhe registers. I was so annoyed, angry and then upset. I feel used, and discriminated.

The problem is I am 'too scared' to confront my supervisor and ask again as i don't want the other member to get into gtrouble. so this means that i can't get any extra shifts until i learn the registers.

it is so wrong

the other issue i am having is seeing the old pharmacy customers. it's not an issue in that i see them, they love to talk. some still didn't know i had gone!!! but each time i see them and they say 'oh i am sorry to what happened to you' i get upset, hurt angry at the new owners. i miss the girls i used to work with and the job.

working for a much much bigger organisation is hard. there is so much clicks, so much politics and crap. i try to go in and do my job and go home.

but with so much time on my hands at work i start to think negatively.

i have recentyly had terrible vertigo, a 5 day migraine and today again another headache. i decided to call in sick and was spoken to so rude and short by the supervisor. it's like she doesn't believe me when i call in sick. and my anxiety is extremely high in having to ring her.

i don't have the confidence to leave and get another job. i feel i am not good enough

i am sorry to vent, i know a lot of you are struggling with your own issues. and that i should be thankful that i do have a job, as a lot of people have lost theirs.

4898 replies

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In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

When I’m like this I tend to shut down in bed

@Former-Member

Back in bed still feeling horrible. Last night I had a coughing fit couldn’t stop. Used my asthma puffer and it helped.
I was able to sleep.
I feel so many mixed emotions. I know when I’m not well my emotions are escalated.

I feel sorry for myself - is thst a bad thing?

bit teary tiday

@Shaz51 @Former-Member @Former-Member @Owlunar @Emelia8 and others

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I hear you @BlueBay .

Hugs, BPDSurvivor

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

You're having a rough time of it atm @BlueBay, and this is perhaps going to sound a little strange but I was glad to hear you say that you're feeling "sorry for yourself" – bare with me here...

What I hear when you say this is that you're empathising with your situation and really feeling it. THIS is healing! So may I suggest that you reframe that language and move it from "I'm feeling sorry for myself" to something like "I'm feeling for myself"? Wonder what that might feel like for you.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

@Former-Member Now the tears are flowing.
feeling for myself - I feel sad for myself. I feel sad for all the trauma I went through even though now I can’t change it

feeling for myself is more “intense” it’s more inside. I feel this deep. Can’t explain.
im crying because it’s painful. It hurts.
and feeling sick doesn’t help.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

It will hurt @BlueBay because all that pain hasn't had anywhere to go, but overtime it gets easier.

I also want to add that it's really important that whilst it's healing to feel all these feelings, it can be quite overwhelming. So if you're feeling physically unwell today, maybe just go really gently and remember that you are in charge – you can decide to switch on the tv, make a cuppa, walk in the garden and change the focus. Our feelings are always there, and its a skill that takes practice to switch them on and off gently (it's a practice I learned with my therapist, I couldn't do it on my own at first).

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Trying to write down what I want to say to my mum. Get it out of my head and onto paper.
I can’t begin. Painful hurtful things.
I’m going back to bed to sleep more.

I want to ….. not just yet.

@Former-Member @BPDSurvivor @Shaz51 @Emelia8 @Owlunar abd others

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @BlueBay,

I was just cleaning my desktop and found this, I thought of you. But again, only when you're ready and up for it 💙

 

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Money is important

yiu need money to survive

I’m not surviving

we’re not surviving

To have an mri I’ll be out of pocket $800

because it’s not covered by Medicare

I can’t do it

not going to worry about it

without money you’re gone

you don’t survive

i can’t think

life is crap atm

@Former-Member @BPDSurvivor @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Emelia8 @Owlunar @MDT

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I can’t see any good atm

feeling like giving up on hope

because there’s no hope

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

This is understandable @BlueBay! I'm having a bullshit time with mental health reviews too because people are just reading paperwork, not how I'm struggling. I'm too exhausted so I'll be resting a lot until my excursion on Sunday. After that I'll be doing another medical review because some stuff I can't explain here, is doing my head in, not just what's written on the paperwork. Our mental health system doesn't do anything for months. I need a rest. I'm tired. I can't believe MRI scans are so expensive @BlueBay. That's ridiculous. I still hope you'll be ok, somehow.
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