Need to vent

Hi @BlueBay, I am really sorry to hear the impact of removing the post, I can understand that it can feel upsetting. Sometimes we have to walk a difficult line between removing posts that sit outside guidelines, and offering support. In those times, especially when sharing so openly and honestly about difficult experiences, we want to offer support too which is why our peer support team reached out. I'm hearing that can feel hard to sit with at times.

When we remove a post in line with our guidelines, you are more than welcome to edit the post and we can reinstate it for you. Please let us know if you would like a hand finding your previous post, and some guidance on how to edit it by tagging @Former-Member

Thank you @Daisydreamer

I don't know how to get the post back @moderator may need some help pls

Hiya @BlueBay just letting you know I've emailed you, let me know if you don't get it or if I didn't get the right post

Hi @Jynx @Emelia8 @BPDSurvivor @Owlunar @Shaz51 @MDT and others following

this is the post that has now been edited snd back up.

i am upset, hurt, feel rejected and hate my mother.

She told me this morning that because of this new virus around and because they had the second vaccine yesterday that they won't see anyone for at least 2 years!! WTF

Where did she get that from? i have no idea. i said to her 'so that means you aren't going to see any family for that long' to which she replied 'oh well that's how it will be'

i only rang because i wanted to see how dad was and he was after his vaccine. she tells me that they can only go 'to the chemist and supermarket' but no family allowed to their house. how do you work that one out. what isn't their covid in their supermarket or chemist.

she then says and anyway it's worse with kids around because they catch it and we will get it.

so, this is it now - i will never see my dad again. never. she has done it again, she has won.

i can't stand her, she has made me angry, hurt, upset, rejected. i don't understand and will never understand why she is doing this - keeping me away. i am sure my younger sister and brother will still go and visit them.

and she is a liar - she lies about things she says and then gets caught out.

i think she knew how angry i felt this morning because i kept giving it back to her with my replies but she kept talking over the top of me with her reasons and wouldn't listen to me.

time and time again.

all i want - is my dad 😢😢

@BlueBay my sister xoxo I feel soo sad for your dad

It would be great if your sister can bring him to your house for a visit to see his grandchildren and great grandchildren xoxo

I know @BlueBay

I understand - you feel rejected because you have been - this is your mother and she is being herself and she will suffer without your hate so it's best not to let it eat you up

My mother was similar - she wouldn't see me because I upset her - she was always upset so I know it wasn't my fault

This is not your fault either - I know it's painful - our mothers' fears ruled their lives

It's hard but try and let it go - you can't change it

Sending hugs

Dec

@Shaz51 @Owlunar

My sister lives 1 hr 1/2 away from me. And that would not work. My mum wouldn't let my dad go with her. She doesn't like my sister. She tells me all this rubbish about her. You see my mum talks bad about my sister to me snd then vice versa. She's just evil. Trouble maker. She thinks she's right ALL the time.
she loves to keep the family apart not together like normal families. It hurts it really does. My dad is like a puppet. He is not great with his health and I'm sure been home during lockdown abd even niw eith her must be so hard for him. She even got rid of their little dog as she said "it's too much to look after". The dog was great companion to dad yet she gave the dog awsy.

im going to try the bank to see if they can give us a better interest rate. Or if we can defer our payments for a few months until we sell our home. I hate doing these things. I feel desperate right now. Have to try something.

@Jynx @Emelia8 @MDT @HenryX @BPDSurvivor @oceangirl

@Jynx thanks for emailing me last night and helping me. It's pretty scary having these very dark thoughts. And telling you made me feel that niw I will tell my GP and psychologist on Tuesday.

ive had a really crap week. I'm still scared and fear about finances

Your mother is like this @BlueBay and it's okay to feel bad

Still - you are doing your best with reduced circumstances so give yourself some credit

You can't forget about your mother - I know - and you are the better person

Dec

Thank you @Owlunar i know you understand

♥️🙏💐

Xxxooo

they may as well be gone to me

for i won't see them again

for i don't know how long it will

before i see my dad again

could be a fortnight

a month or a year

it's up to the matriach bitch

of a mother

it's like i am grieving

not seeing him all this time

it rips at your heart strings

and tears you apart

for i can't do no more

just try to live my days

for i know i've done nothng wrong

it's her thats the evil cow

but how can a little girl

not see her daddy anymore

and why would she keep us apart

i still do not understand

for now i go with the flow

as hard as it is for me

as each day passes it makes it harder

for i wonder how he is

how does he look

how does he feel

is he getting worse

how old does he look

it feels like i'm joking

it feels like she is ripping into me

oh i wish that dream i had was real

for then all this would have stopped

i wonder what have i done to deserve this

was it because i told them of my childhood abuse

maybe?? but i wasnted to tell her because i wanted

her to love me, put her arms around me

and tell me 'it'll be okay'

maybe i should have kept quiet

but i just couldn't

it was hard enough for me to remember

after 30 odd years

i don't know what else to say

i am so lost for words right now

i am grieving for someone i so love

but cannot see

........... she's such a bitch

@Owlunar @Shaz51 @Jynx @Emelia8 @BPDSurvivor @oceangirl @MDT @HenryX and others following -