Need to vent

, i sold my very first lavender eye pillow yesterday and got paid for it!! --- ohh way to go my awesome sister @BlueBay

Fabulous news @BlueBay 😄 Well done to you. 👍💕

How is your post surgery recovery going?

@Emelia8 @Shaz51 The site is sore and itchy. I'm seeing my GP tomorrow so I'll get him to look at it.
but tiday I walked twice and I'm ok.
I'm just not sleeping properly waking up at 4.30 or 5am in the morning. It's too early and I can't go back to sleep. So by 7pm I'm ready for bed. It's a vicious cycle.

Hello @BlueBay

{Everything I have stated in this post is offered as a product of my own personal experience and is in no way to be considered as professional advice.}

Thank you so much for your reply. Please do not worry about time of reply, I know that if I am out for a day and have had other things that I need to get done, it takes me a good while to catch up with posts on the forum. I am just very pleased that when you received it, you felt that it seemed to match what you wanted to achieve.

Firstly, I am pleased to know, from your post, that you have moved forward in your preparation and presentation of material for sale and also made your first sale.

Yes, my problem with my father sounds similar to what you are experiencing with your Mum. Mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, though that is not always how it occurs. We simply need to deal with what is in front of us, at any given time. I can very much identify with your feelings with regard to your family of origin {with regard to parents}, in particular, your Mum. I was 48 when I made the decision not to go back, so only a little younger than you are now. For me, it was not a choice, but a necessity. Those feelings that you describe of feeling diminished, belittled and somehow feeling as though I were being chastised by my father – in other words – in your words, feeling as though s/he:

(when s/he) “treats me like the way s/he does, I tend to fall back to (feeling like) a child. I don't know why.”

and the decision that I made when I said, as you have done, at around the same age,

“I am not doing this anymore. S/he can't hurt me anymore. S/he will not.”

While I am restating the assertions that you and I have both made, at roughly the same age, I will still encourage the peacefulness and absolute least level of disruption to any and all other people. In my case, my decision was to ensure that I was no longer the cause of disruption to other people, particularly those of my family, that appeared to be evident from my continued presence.

I will offer a caveat or rider to my comments, that, if your decision causes you concern personally, please seek professional assistance.

You may say

“Am I jumping out of the frying pan into the fire”

to which I would reply that

“I certainly think not”.

I am just suggesting the erection of a safety net in case you have any adverse reaction. I can tell you that this decision isn't a simple decision, though it may seem so at first.

At the same time there may, and I believe will also be significant benefits. The sense of personal responsibility and integrity. The possible reduction in distractions that may previously have been associated with the existence of depression. A profound feeling of “grown up-ness”, of adulthood. The awareness that you have the right to make decisions for yourself and your immediate family. With that right comes responsibility for the decisions that you make. With freedom comes responsibility. Seek assistance when you think that it may be helpful, rather than when you desperately need that assistance because issues have reached crisis level. Learn about and be aware of your own limitations. Though they are no different from those of anyone else - but you need to know what they are. Grow your relationship with your partner. Learn to rely on each other.

I am pleased that you appear to have made the decision to concentrate on your own family. They are the ones who will benefit most from a settled you. Your description of the family is lovely, and you have the opportunity to encourage them and appreciate their achievements. You are also the person to whom they will turn when the usual issues arise. A reason to keep yourself strong and to look after yourself.

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX

Thanks again for your reply to me @HenryX

sorry it was late.

I've now sold 4 bath salts to my cousin which were delivering tomorrow and 2 baby blankets for a friend. I've made 4 pour paint art on canvas this afternoon. I'm loving it.

as per my second session with my psychologist this week it's been suggested I limit my calls to mum. He was concerned that I reacted stressfully about the questionnaire results with it been severe.
he's given me some strategies to do from the
Dbt book.
seeing my GP first thing Monday morning snd my psych on Monday afternoon.

@Emelia8 @Shaz51 @Jynx @Snowie @MDT @Owlunar and others

Good work @BlueBay

I highly recommend your restricting your calls to your mother - you don't deserve the toxicity. It's hard - I know

Good work with your crafts and sales

I had an idea that you could advertise on line - Google Ads or Facebook

Dec

They're online on Facebook snd Instagram. I'm enjoying doing these crafts; it's keeping me busy. I thought of markets but a lot of them are expensive. But I would love to try one just to see how I go.
thanks @Owlunar xxxx

Hello @BlueBay

Your response @BlueBay is very much appreciated by me. Thank you for caring to respond. As I have said before, you never need to apologise for when you do something, say something or respond to a comment or suggestion made by someone else, or me. You have responded to my observations, and I value, and will go as far as to say, that I cherish your response.

You have taken the time that you needed, you have spoken with the person, the psychologist, whose offer of information was so challenging for you, and begun to understand each other. I believe that is the primary hurdle for a psychologist and client to clear. You have accepted the challenge and, I think, responded appropriately.

Often I use the terms “I believe” and “I think”. That is to ensure that I am not considered to be projecting what I say as being right or correct. What I say to you is what I think or believe. I very much hope that what I offer is useful to you and also to others. However, I can only claim to believe or think that what I say may be useful, of interest, connected in some way to another person's circumstances, as I have connected some of my experiences with yours. It is simply my hope that what I say may make some sense and may be useful.

I can understand the psychologist's concern about your reaction to the report. I can say from personal experience that we can be very good or proficient at projecting a calm exterior. Sometimes we are actually so successful that we can do ourselves a dis-service, because we may not convey our distress soon enough. Then the other person, friend, psychologist is not able to “measure” how we are feeling. When we get home, to where we may feel safe, then we let go of all those really strong feelings. This is not a fault, it is just a matter of us learning when, where and how we may best show our feelings about events and circumstances that we experience.

I am pleased that the psychologist has given you some strategies to work on. I hope that by seeing some success in the use of those strategies, you will gradually become more comfortable with these techniques. This will allow you to gradually become more confident about how to deal with a variety of situations. I am also pleased that your doctor and psychologist appear to be working together closely, with and for you.

You have previously bridged the challenge of asking me to explain in different terms anything that you do not understand, or may not be clear about. You can always feel free to ask me to explain anything that I might say, differently for you. Having successfully done so with me, you can also ask others for clarification in the same way. No-one wants to say anything to you in a way that you do not understand. That is a waste of your time and theirs, so it is actually showing respect for another person's ideas or information and also for the person themselves for you to ask them to explain what they mean in a way that you can follow and understand. So, from that you may be aware of your having shown respect for me and my ideas by you having asked me to explain more clearly what I was saying. Thank you for your expression of respect toward me in that way.

In addition to what I have said above, I am also very pleased that you are receiving affirmation and encouragement in your work activities. And I am very pleased that you are enjoying those activities.

Congratulations

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX

I'm excited - this morning early to see my cousin at her cafe in port Melbourne. I delivered the bath salts that she bought from me.
then on way home we found an art shop warehouse. Much cheaper than shops. They had 20% sale so I bought all the bright colours to do pour paint artwork on canvas. I'll try and put one up.
on our way hime now then hubby and I will go for a long walk. Then I will experiment in a canvas with these bright colours. Orange pink purple yellow white red.
im in my happy place today. The sun is out it's beautiful

@HenryX @Owlunar @Emelia8 @Shaz51 @oceangirl @MDT @Snowie abd others

I’m giving this one to my doctor

Baby blankets fabric. Sold two already.