Need to vent

Thanks @MDT

Right now I'm so angry with my mum

have To stop before writing more

bavk later

She triggers me so much

@Anastasia @Shaz51 @BPDSurvivor @HenryX @Emelia8 and others

ohh my awesome Sister @BlueBay

sounds like your mum likes to trigger you my sister , don`t let her as you are an amazing mother and Noona

sitting with you everyday xoxo

@BlueBay 💕💕💕

Hi friends,

You know what gets me angry - i have asked my parents to come over for christmas lunch months ago. and now today, i have an answer - NO!! they are not coming, no real reason, just no.

she called this morning and said to call in she had a bag of stuff for me. so when i got there, i wasn't allowed to go in; she stood at the front door with her mask on and handed me a bag of christmas things. i said to them why don't you come and there response - no.

so then - don't complain when you tell me how boring it is staying home. don't tell me how quiet it is at home. don't tell me how bad covid is when you can see your children who are all doubled vaxxed.

i left in shock, saying to hubby that i am over it. i try and try and try and get nowhere. can't she see how it would be nice for them to come to me and be with their grandchildren and great grandchild.

i got no kiss or hugs from them, and i so wanted one from my dad. but do you know what he did, after saying hello and asking how i was he walked off inside. he left me there with mum.

@Snowie @Shaz51 @MDT @BPDSurvivor @Emelia8 @HenryX i know i say 'i don't care' but i still do. i will have a nice xmas lunch with my own children and little A.

my mum is manipulating everything - she is using the vaccine to not come to our house. she keeps saying that once she has the second dose she has to wait two weeks before they can see anyone. she tells me today 'but we don't know how we will feel'. so that is her excuse - she will say 'dad is not well' always using dad as an exucse to not come for xmas lunch.

parents!!!!

@BlueBay ohhh that is both frustrating and heartbreaking! It's really hard to have to change plans and I don't just mean the logistics of it - because I'm sure you had an image of how things would be, and the time you would get to spend with family. It also sounds like it is the manner in which they communicated (or failed to communicate really) to you that they weren't coming.

I'm very sorry to hear that this has happened!

Sorry to hear that @BlueBay It is their loss.

Sitting with you hon 💜💜💜

Hi @Jynx

why is my mum like this?

why does she hate me so much?

is it because I told her about my childhood sexual abuse?

"I ruined" the family

im positive my other siblings will be with them at Xmas lunch. I'm 100% sure.

it's me they hate 😢😢😢

@BlueBay it is a deeply unfair situation to be in. Sometimes, when people haven't taken the time to heal their own wounds, or even come to terms with difficult facts, they will avoid, avoid, avoid. It's not okay that this is how your family seems to want to deal with this, but it absolutely is not your fault. You could not have known that they would react like this. You deserve only kindness and support.

You have every right to feel upset, but I hope you know that the guilt you feel is not yours - it is shame that they are placing onto you. That reflects on them, not on you.

Hello @BlueBay ,

It is really unpleasant to not be acknowledged or even worse to be ignored or verbally abused and verbally threatened or assaulted by immediate family. It often doesn't help much to know that other people have experienced the same or even more difficult situations.

I have written, on the forum, about some of the treatment that I received from my father, and with which my mother needed to concede to ensure some level of peace in her life. I simply had to leave and not go back until near the time of my father's death.

You and I are both adults with our own lives; you being somewhat younger than I am. Sometimes we need to make decisions that we would rather not have to make. The fact that we may need to make unpleasant decisions does not change the fact that some decisions, however unpleasant, need to be made. And the less fuss and disruption to others, that we cause, in making those decisions, the better. The better for us and the better for others.

My mother and I had the pleasure of each other's company for the last ten years of her life. Something neither of us had ever considered might be possible. That would not have happened had my father been alive. In fact, I would have been fortunate to have been able to meet with my mother somewhere for lunch, from time to time. That would have to have been without my father's knowledge.

We never know what changes may take place in our lives that we could never have foreseen. As long as we leave ourselves open to possibilities, they may and can happen.

As I say, it may or may not help to know that other people have to deal with similar issues to those that you are experiencing. It seems that you have good relationships with other members of your family, including your children and grandchild, my suggestion is to concentrate on what you have that is positive in your life, not what is absent in your life. That absence may or may not be temporary. Do not “foul the space with poison” in such a way as to make something good less likely to happen.

Unfortunately, grieving over what you have not in your life is simply an unnecessary distraction from the good things that you have in your life. Not only an unpleasant distraction for you but others also. My suggestion is to use your best efforts in not spreading distress, as far as possible to any others. However, you do not have to maintain pain, imposed by others or self-imposed, in your life unless that is what you want.

Relish and enjoy the good and positive relationships in your life, and, while making the decision to leave negative influences out of your life, "leave the door ajar" or "a key available", {speaking figuratively, not necessarily literally} so that others can come in if they let you know that they want to. But only if that is what you would want.

I hope that you can make decisions, that you may need to make, without holding a grudge. That will hurt you more than you know, and will also spread poison to others. Holding a grudge will hurt you and diminish your capacity to receive back into your life, those whose views may change and who may learn to see things differently from the views they may previously have held.

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX

hi my friend @HenryX i am sorry i only just saw your reply to me.

i appreciate your response.

I am sorry you had trouble with your dad but i was happy to read that you got to spend the last 10 years with your mum. that would have been very special.

i hope i can get that special time with my dad. you are right though - i am going to concentrate on my own family, my 3 beautiful adult children and a gorgeous 4 yr old granddaughter and a future son in law with his 2 beautiful girls.

i am 56 yes an adult but i do find that when my mum treats me like the way she does i tend to fall back to a child. i don't know why. but i am not doing this anymore. she can't hurt me anymore. she will not.

today has been a busy day. hubby and i caught up with friends of ours for morning coffee. then we went to bunnings and bought some bits and pieces. i came home and after lunch i made 6 bottles of bath salts and some dry clay artwork. i now have to wait until it dries and tomorrow i can assemble the dry clay love hearts on some string and put it on some dowel.

oh, i sold my very first lavender eye pillow yesterday and got paid for it!! a great feeling. i want to make some wheat bags to sell as well. need to source some material.

hope everyone is doing okay or as best as they can.

love to all xxxxxxxxooooooo

@Snowie @Shaz51 @MDT @BPDSurvivor @Emelia8 @oceangirl and others i have forgotten