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Something’s not right

Need to vent

Need to vent

Hi everyone

I need to vent!!

I'm not coping

I'm not enjoying my new job. It's mundane, boring and triggering. For those who don't know, I was made redundant in my pharmacy job 4 days before Christmas. I then found a casual job at a supermarket. The job I do is very boring. I have far too much 'alone' time at work so my mind wanders to a lot of stuff. I asked my supervisor if i could learn the registers as thats what i would love to do. she replied that she couldn't until next year, don't know why as we are so short staffed and they need extras.

They advertise extra shifts or replacing a shift on facebook, which i really hate. but that's how they do it. i asked my supervisor if i could pick up extra shifts even though i don't know the registers. she replied yes thats fine that i would still do cleaning.

The other day a staff member posted she needed someone to do a shift. i was the first one tyo reply and accept the shift. another girl replied after me. the staff member replied back to me saying she would give that shift to the second girl as i don't know tyhe registers. I was so annoyed, angry and then upset. I feel used, and discriminated.

The problem is I am 'too scared' to confront my supervisor and ask again as i don't want the other member to get into gtrouble. so this means that i can't get any extra shifts until i learn the registers.

it is so wrong

the other issue i am having is seeing the old pharmacy customers. it's not an issue in that i see them, they love to talk. some still didn't know i had gone!!! but each time i see them and they say 'oh i am sorry to what happened to you' i get upset, hurt angry at the new owners. i miss the girls i used to work with and the job.

working for a much much bigger organisation is hard. there is so much clicks, so much politics and crap. i try to go in and do my job and go home.

but with so much time on my hands at work i start to think negatively.

i have recentyly had terrible vertigo, a 5 day migraine and today again another headache. i decided to call in sick and was spoken to so rude and short by the supervisor. it's like she doesn't believe me when i call in sick. and my anxiety is extremely high in having to ring her.

i don't have the confidence to leave and get another job. i feel i am not good enough

i am sorry to vent, i know a lot of you are struggling with your own issues. and that i should be thankful that i do have a job, as a lot of people have lost theirs.

4898 replies

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In response to: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

I've just pulled some knitting thst I did ages ago thst I didn't like.
So I'm going to knit a little scarf for my 3 yr old granddaughter.

and I baked a choc chip banana bread earlier.
@Snowie

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Well done for getting some things done @BlueBay

I hope your knitting keeps you occupied.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Hi @Snowie @Shaz51 @BPDSurvivor @Owlunar @Emelia8 @Appleblossom @saltandpepper @MDT @Anastasia abd others following

im so confused

I don't know what to do

hospital or no hospital????

I saw my new psych this morning snd as a result of our conversations about how I was travelling she has put my name down on the waiting list for hospital admission.
She said im fragile and distressed. Stressed anxious and def not coping.
I told her I would lose my job if I go to hospital. She said it's important to get better mentally and physically.
she has told me to stop looking for wirk. My self sabotages self harm I do currently are:

1. Excessively eat then beat myself up

2. look for a job see one that I like then negate it instantly and tell myself how dumb I am and wouldn't apply because I wouldn't get it.
3. telling myself im not good. I deserve all this and that I'm too old to get a job

do I go to hospital or not????
It would only be 7-10 day admission

im so angry with myself because I can't make a decision.
damn I'm hopeless


saw my GP this afternoon. He's worried and didn't want me to go. Because he knows with my BPD I will struggle leaving. He doesn't want me to be reliant on hodpital stays.

I can't think

wish I could self harm - that would solve the problem

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

There's something I've left out because it's too triggering. Relates to my abuse. Can't say I'm sorry. I wish I could but I think I will upset quite a few.
it's scary it's crazy

these thoughts in my head

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

wish I could self harm - that would solve the problem -- my sister @BlueBay , you know that will not solve the problem

sitting with you

your Psych has told me to stop looking for wirk --- did she suggest to go on DSP or any suggestions at all

ohhh hugs my sister

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

No disability @Shaz51 she wants me to stop looking for a job because it's becoming addictive. I csnt stop. So just for now until I get stronger mentally and in myself.
she also told me that I am very fragile znd I have very negative thoughts about myself.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

when is your next appt with her @BlueBay xx

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

4 weeks @Shaz51

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

Glad @Shaz51 replied.

Ooooh @BlueBay

I do some of those same behaviours, but working on being less addicted and obssessive.

How is it at home? Are you feeling any more sense of respect or connectedness from all the boyz?

I think it is revealing the doc who knows you for longer does not want you to be reliant on hospital stays.

You have always been a sensitive person, weirdly it is also one of your strengths.

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Re: Need to vent

wondering if a written plan on how she wants you to do over this time , this might help you , can you email her or ring her and ask her @BlueBay

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