Need to vent

Hi @BlueBay

Rest up and plenty of fluids and good nutrition

Did you talk to your GP with what happen last week with receptionist?

Feel better soon my sister ❤️

Oh yeah @oceangirl I did. Forgot to write that!!

I told him what happened and how it made me feel. He listened and said yes he and his wife (doctor) weren't at the clinic. So there was only one doctor on duty. He said he wants me to try to work through things myself but he understands where the feeling of abandonment and rejection came from. I told him that i understand the boundaries and restrictions. But I clearly took it very personally. He said to pls not take it personally; it's my BPD illness that is telling me. He said he was happy that I told him, but he didn't say whether he would chat to the receptionist. He also understands BPD. I'm glad I told him because i want to be very honest with him. I was thinking when i got home how easy it is to talk to him.

@Shaz51 @Emelia8 @Owlunar @saltandpepper @MDT

@BlueBay I'm glad you were able to talk to him about how you're feeling. I wouldn't say that its all about your BPD because anyone can feel like that- I hope it makes sense. For me I am trying to built connects outside my Drs and getting support from my friends and also connecting with you my sister on the forums. I find that helps me.

You're strong person and remmeber to focus your energy on what is imporant to you. I hope you start to feel better.

thank you beautiful sis @oceangirl

you take care too xxxooo

Your welcome sis @BlueBay x

Hi @BlueBay ,

We are with you, no matter what you feel.

Hugs,

BPDSurvivor

I hate my mum

i Can't even talk right now

I can't stop crying

@BPDSurvivor @oceangirl @Shaz51 @Emelia8 @Owlunar

Okay - I hear you @BlueBay

So let us know what's happening with her.

You know how she is and you know she won't change - I have to ask why you keep trying to change her. It always upsets you. You sound so distressed atm - you really need to rest with this tonsil infection - I am sorry you are feeling so distraught

Dec

Hi @Owlunar

OK, I am much calmer and not crying anymore. My tears have stopped and my anxiety is reduced. I couldn't write before, I was too upset.

So, my daughter has a new partner, as you already know. They have been together now for a year and are very very happy. They have a busy household with three little girls (for 3 days at a time each week) and then little A for the rest. I'm not sure if you remember a while ago I had a fight with mum because I asked her if we could go down with my D and her partner as he wants to meet them. I thought that was nice that he wants to meet my D's family. My mum says 'oh no it's covid and we don't want to get sick'. I said whatever. She hung up and rang back 5 mins later and says 'dad and i have decided that we will wait a long time before we meet him, because it's still early days and you just never know what could go wrong'!!!! WTF!!! I was so angry that i said ok, and hung up.

She has lately been okay, calling me and being nice (this is where i think i get sucked in again). She told me and hubby about a month ago 'oh we must come down to your place one day and we can meet our D new partner", i said ok we will organise and hubby can pick you up for lunch. Nothing was ever mentioned again.

In the meantime my daughter wanted to visit my sister in melbourne to take her partner. we organised it weeks ago so we could go at end of this month when her partner didn't have his girls on that particular weekend. My sister said yes that's fine.

Yesterday she called me and said 'oh i think we will leave it for now as it's cold, we will get together in spring!!!!

i don't understand her at all. what does it matter if we visit in a few weeks time. we would be inside with the heater on. anyway i am not going to try and work this out, i can't be bothered anymore.

Mum calls this morning and says oh did your sister call you because i told her you weren't well. told her we aren't going to her house and she says 'oh it doesn't matter, it's still early days for their relationship. i said mum they have been together for a year now and are both very happy. she has met all his family and she only wanted him to meet our family. (whcih will probably never happen)

Dec, it's her attitude to this whole thing. She says oh it's goiong to be hard because they have 3 girls especially when they grow up. i said 'that's with every family whether it's step kids or not'.

so, now i have calmed down - i am going to say to my D - you do what you want to do, live your life with your beautiful partner and kids. don't worry about meeting our family. let's leave it to them when they are ready, if they ever will.

i am not going to mention to my mum anymore about my D and her partner. if she wants to ask she can but i will not be telling her anything anymore.

it's hard because i am all about family being close. and part of feels embarassed because i wanted to show my family what a nice guy he is and how happy we all are; but yet i can't. i have taken this personal but i do know that this is all my mum. it's not my dad at all. i know it's not.

i am not asking them to come over anymore, i haven't for a while anyway. they are the ones missing out; and anyway my kids were never close to them so it's not going to change any time soon.

another thing Dec, my mum has lately been telling me that my sister is very close to my brother. and that she knows a lot of things that he does. so the past month she is 'my best friend' - telling me shit about my brother and sister. it's like she wants me to pick sides to which i am NOT.

i am living my life with my 3 beautiful kids and little A who is growing up too quickly.

Right now i need to get well and i know that when stressed and hurt and upset my body takes longer to get better. so today i am going to watch some netflix with hubby and chill with the heater on in my PJ's.

Sorry @Owlunar it's a long post, there was a bit to say.

hope you are doing okay today, you have been on my mind the past few days. xxxxxoo

hi @Emelia8 @Shaz51 xxxxx

It's okay to vent - this is your thread after all @BlueBay

I was just going to get a coffee and take some pain medication and I saw you were on-line and decided to wait for your post - I am glad you replied

Your Mum really is a number - it is better to keep your distance and if she seems to be nice, kind etc - maintain your space and enjoy the moment - eventually the other shoe will fall so you can prepare your mind for that and not get so distraught -

You do need to keep your cool about it with all the physical health issues you have - stress makes everything worse - I know only too well. Stress releases too much cortisol into your brain and other organs - making everything seem worse - I understand how it feels - I had a lot of physical issues when my son was alive - I was sitting on a hot time roof constantly - not good

Anyway - yesterday was bleak - I had a headache all day and felt a bit mouldy. I have received all the books I ordered on line and I have plenty to read now - it's a thought for you to order some books that you would like to read - it's really lovely to get these presents through the mail -

Take things easy to day and give yourself time to recover from what is likely tonsilitis - that is a horrible problem - I had it myself a few years ago and I was really ill - I remember

And I know you care about your mother - but it is a lot to take on board when you gave other real-life isues to deal with

Dec