BPD wobbles

Hello hello Mum@Nells !

So good to hear from you!

Im glad MissBPD is doing okay, especially considering so many people are NOT doing ok! Because of COVID, many are in utter despair having lost their livelihoods.

I'm in Melbourne, so I'm still in lockdown. But I have at last returned to work onsite. It has been great being able to work onsite after being at home for so long.

It's good to hear MissBPD is riding out her wobbles. It's great you are there to support her, but ultimately it is her choice. Please do look after yourself though. The last thing you want is to build up your anxiety about MissBPD falling because when it does happen, you may end up blaming yourself that you didn't 'catch it' in time. Falling is a part of recovery. It will happen. It happens to the best of us. You just need to be there for her. Remember to keep your boundaries and open lines of communication. As much as you don't want to see your child 'suffer', it is part of the learning.

Sometimes, it can be seen as a child learning to walk. We can't stop toddlers from falling, but we can help them get up again. We can encourage them to keep going. We can comfort them when they fall. But once again, falling IS part of the process.

You are an amazing person! Keep it up. Under MissBPD's BPD is an amazingly compassionate, caring, passionate and heart-warming person. We just need to help her find it.

Hugs, BPDSurvivor

@BPDSurvivor @Shaz51 Hello! Hope you are well and enjoying having a little more freedom!
Well I need to trust my intuition.. Miss BPD had been flat but she started swimming so it threw me off the scent that she had stopped taking her meds.
I know you've said I need to let her fall to learn to walk but I don't have the energy to deal with the fallout.. So it is back to staying and bribing or guilting her into taking her meds..

I also need to get her to counseling with she refuses to go...

Any suggestions?

Hi Mum @Nells ,

I'm sorry to hear MissBPD has had another turn. Do you think she knows the purpose of her meds? Are they an antidepressant?

I believe her not taking her meds is a sign she feels internally out of control. Hence by not taking her meds, she is at least 'in control'. Regaining control through talking therapies will help, but I can see your dilemma in that she does not want to go and talk to someone. Is she aware of the potential consequences of not taking her meds? Is this the future she wants to live?

Pain and the downs of life are inevitable, but suffering is avoidable. Avoiding suffering is about how you view something and take action.

I wish I could tell you more. But for me, it was about being cruel to be kind. Age and experiences matured me so that I sought help. It doesn't sound like she's ready.

What are your thoughts?

BPDSurvivor

Hi @Nells ,

My thoughts are with you. I know you have a lot on your plate. How is your mother? I remember you mentioning you also looked after your mother.

How is MissBPD today?

Recovery requires buy-in on her part. Do you believe she is ready and willing?

Hugs,

BPDSurvivor

Thinking of you @Nells .

Take care,

BPDSurvivor

Hi Nells,

My thoughts go out to you as I know what it's like to watch that build up. It can be exhausting. To be the perfect carer and to give her what she needs, when she needs it, too can be tough as you have your own needs and life situation to manage.

I'd say today I'm having a carer wobble! My dad has (what we as a family and after talking qith GPs suspect) is BPD and bipolar. He has never sought treatment. Yesterday he missed my informal engagement party. He is a bit manic at the moment and thinks I am against him and mum. Poor mum missed the party too. I'm hurt, embaressed as I didn't know what to say to my in laws and exhausted.

But yes....I know this can be tough and I hope you get the care you need alongside MissBPD.

Dear Mum @Nells ,

How are you travelling?

BPDSurvivor

@BPDSurvivor Congratulations!! I am so happy for you and your Fiancee! I'm am sure your Mum and Dad would have wanted to be there if they could.. Is Dad likely to get any help?

My Dad has PTSD and treaded my Mum dreadfully even in public so I get the embarrassment you are feeling. Your in laws will be around a long time so they will come to understand in time xx

I'm sitting outside the main hospital waiting for Miss BPD to be transferred from our local hospital.. The wobble got too big today and here we are. She let me know and took herself to hospital. Didn't want me to leave work and come up, but she knows I am waiting here and is ok with that.

I am trying to keep in mind your advice of letting her fall to learn to walk so I am biting my younger and holding in the tears for her sake.

Thanks for asking after Mum.. She is now in a new home that allows us to visit daily.. The Alzheimer's is progressing and while she recognised us she has lost her language skills. The staff are lovely and taking good care of her. She laughs easily so that is probably her charm!
I am so chuffed at your engagement! 🍾

Congrats again!

@Nells ,

You're so sweet. Sorry to burst your little bubble.... @Sarah_850 had the engagement, not me - I'm far from it.

Its okay, don't feel silly. It may happen for me in the future, but not now. I'm too content with life to deal with an intimate relationship.

@Nells , Ive been checking-in and asking you about MIssBPD and yourself over the past few weeks, and you know what? I'm sort of happy you didn't respond because it tells me things are going okay to well.

From reading your post, I can already see how you stepping back has caused her to take more responsibility for herself. For Someone with BPD to acknowledge she's not okay, then seek help is a HUGE step forward in the right direction. I don't think she would have done it if you were constantly at her. Congrats to you!

@Nells , it is a long ride due to the nature of this slow-moving illness, but once she's over it, research shows there is a very small chance she will slip back. I see it as a 'stage' in life. Once MissBPD learns the strats to handle her emotions and emotionally 'grows up', I'm pretty certain she will not be an "emotional kid" again. There are very few who do relapse, and this is often due to some ongoing trauma.

Hold tight mum @Nells . I can see she is on the path of recovery. Although there may be wobbles and falls, these will make her stronger.

HUGs,

BPDSurvivor

@Nells , this is a gentle reminder for you:

Youre doing an amazing job!