Not my 'story' - it's my nightmare.

@AEB

Sorry to hear you experienced that issue in small town Australia. I liked the idea of small communities, but learned fairly early on that the towns themselves could be pretty hard nosed, petty and exclude many people, and everyone knew everyone's business. I am def a city person. I hope you settle down and find some good in your new place.

@Historylover

So much agree with your belief in life long learning.

Your posts are so thoughtful and caring. I love reading them. Such a great discussion and a NECESSARY one.

@Appleblossom Omg yes everyone here is so petty and you can’t tell anyone anything without the whole town knowing. I can’t wait to get back to the city

I watched what happened with older friends and an aunt and uncle. @AEB

Then many years later I heard how horrible, supposedly nice people were to a member of that family, suicide and MH stigma can cascade out of control. I could only think, I know that person and what he endured 15 years ago etc. I was still vulnerable then and had not got my push back instinct.

Still the city can be hard too, but maybe keeping online connections will help.

Cheers

Wow, @Historylover . So much to digest there and frankly I don't think I'm up to replying to all of it.

I get the impression that, overall, you've taken away a positive impression of your treatment? Though there's certainly some terrible stuff in there, it's not like you could've done any better with a conventional therapist who played by the rules (IMHO).

I just hope places like this can offer you the support you need, which it sounds like your therapist has no intention of giving you.

@AEB Sorry the move didn't work out for you. Cannon Hill, Brisbane is my place of birth. I haven't lived in Brisbane for 40 years and it has changed so much. The last time I was there I was astonished by the tropical feel to the city. It seemed to have evolved from the time when palm trees became the latest trend - and twenty years later Brisbane was transformed into the tropics. I don't know what it is like now. It's been 20 years since I was there.

You're lucky to have family and friends there.

@chibam I almost feel that my experience on this platform may be at an end. I have derived immeasurable benefit from our - and everyone else's - exchanges but, today, I feel that perhaps it has run its course. Time for the next chapter. I have said almost all I have to say and perhaps I may just become annoying if I stay longer.

Yes, chibam, my experience with my psychiatrist was indeed beneficial. More than that - he gave me LIFE! He restored me to a condition I could not have imagined. He was the dearest friend I have ever had and I will always regard him that way.

This year, though, he had left me at my wit's end by his action and I could not see any way to solve my difficulties, and after trying every avenue available to me I turned here and derived the greatest help.

I think it is because we have the opportunity to build the conversation here - rather than just keep repeating the same trauma to each successive and ineffective other source. To speak with people with like experiences rather than those with, often, none - and who only think they understand. They seem to think that because they are not experiencing the same difficulties, that they are somehow more competent. We also have the opportunity to take the time to reflect on our own words. Anyway - that is how it has affected me.

I am now coming to terms with the fact that my ex-psychiatrist retracted his promise of friendship because he knew it simply wasn't going to work. He wouldn't have done it lightly as he just isn't that kind of person. I knew that - but have had to toss all other possibilities into the mix so that I could get that great trauma in perspective and come to a full understanding.

He spent a major part of his career working with me as his test-case - my great honour and privilege - not always in consultation, continuously, or at all in the last 20 years while I just maintained occasional e-mail contact as necessary - and he proved what he wanted to prove. I am the living proof of that.

I would say that he tried so hard to spread the word within the profession that there really is a better way - that the teachings and treatment methods of the past are all wrong! He would have helped any psychiatrist who wished to learn from his experiences but met with as much resistance as I did trying to re-build the broken intra-familial/'clan' ties I was contending with that, in the end, he simply gave up and concentrated on his own patients. For that we are all eternally grateful and he can enjoy his retirement knowing that he gave his all making the lives of others the best available to them.

As for improvements in the system - I like to think that psychiatrists will now clean up their own mess. They have choked up the system with their incompetence, greed and disregard for others' lives. It's their mess!

Hey @Historylover

It's really wonderful to hear that you feel you have found some great support from people with lived experience on the forums. Lived experience and peer support can be such an impactful part of people’s recovery and it’s so nice to hear that the forums have been that for you. It shows some great insight too, to recognise when it feels time for the next chapter, it will be sad to see you go but best of luck with whatever you decide

Also, thank you for sharing a bit about your experience with psychiatry. I can understand the passion that might come with such a personal and profound experience, plus the frustration if it isn't available to all. We do need to keep in mind, however, that we all have individual needs and experiences when it comes to our own Mental Health and the Mental Health System, including Psychiatry.

Warmest,

Basil.

@Former-Member Hello Basil, this is the essence of my problem. I thought I had solved it again and it was time to move on - but it is all still unresolved.

I don't know where I should post this but, as always, it is open to everyone. I have appreciated all feedback and have loved the interaction.

This is the essence of my problem. You will have noticed that one minute I feel all is well and the next - when I again remember the dreadful predicament I am in - I am back to square one thinking I have been duped and overwhelming distress sets in again. I can't decide with any certainty which lasts more than a short time. It is so cruel that I have to attribute it to malice. To skillful intent.

I know the man he presented himself to be over so many years and that was the man who 'seemed' to do so much good work. He really sold his 'goodness' to me. But the result of his work is what brought me to this forum. My ex-psychiatrist has done such a number on me by his now absolutely, contradictory conduct that I am unable to decide if he is friend or was always foe.

It is absolutely cruel - and once again, I am thinking he has done this on purpose and is enjoying my pain. My total confusion. I was in such good health before he did this to me and he has brought me totally undone. No psychiatrist would do such a thing unless it was always his intention.

I can find an explanation for everything he has done, every piece of advice, and then another which gives an ulterior and malicious motive to it.

For this entire year I have been trying to decide how, why - who is this man I had trusted, was his decency just all an act? Does he hate women and is he seeking revenge on the patient who trusted him implicitly? If so, how do I save myself - from him - his control? How DO I move on?

It is difficult enough when one is psychologically abused by a spouse, for instance, but how do I disentangle this mess when I have been manipulated by a master of deception? A psychiatrist. He got me when I was at my most vulnerable and I gave him my absolute trust and simply never had cause to re-assess since.

How could I have been so stupid? Can we not trust anyone?

How can a psychiatrist do painstaking work on his patients - especially me as his test-case - yet on the other hand, destroy my life completely?

His financial advice has left me in dire straits. I will now never have a home. Timing is everything in psychiatry and I have to question if each attempt to reach out to my family was timed to fail at his direction.

It seems that I will never see my daughters again and that is more than I can bear. Looking into such a future is more than bleak.

Please help me. I am very frightened.

@chibam suggested a support group for victims of psychiatry. He is quite right. These matters, we victims, need just such support.