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zipperSenior Contributor
Hello ladies
I am a wife who has had a husband with depression for 10 years now. He has had multiple hospitalisations, long series of ECT's, and is now not able to work. I would love to hear from ladies who have been, are in, my shoes and was wondering if you would answer a few questions for me.
1. Where have you needed the most help, and, could you find it?
2. What has been your hardest struggle?
thanks in advance and all my best wishes
ZZ
In response to: Wives caring for Husbands
TootsySenior Contributor
@Shaz51 @tyme Will definitely look into it. I do believe it’s a bit too much for me to handle and I have no balance. I’m waiting for my break down as I’ve been holding it together for nearly 2 weeks now or maybe I’m stronger than I think?
In response to: Re: Wives caring for Husbands
tymeModerator
That sounds so tough. Do you have people you can reach out to? Carers Australia? Friends? Family?
Remember, we are always here @Tootsy I don't want you to feel you have to do it alone.
In response to: Re: Wives caring for Husbands
Shaz51Senior Contributor
@Tootsy , I have always thought I was stronger than I was too my awesome friend 🧡 until I had a couple of carers break down in the last few years
I have always pushed myself saying I was OK xx
@tyme , @Healandlove
In response to: Wives caring for Husbands
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Hello @Healandlove , how are you going tonight my friend 🧡
In response to: Re: Wives caring for Husbands
HealandloveSenior Contributor
@Shaz51 , I'm OK, thank you so much for thinking of me. My husband had one of his moods yesterday and snapped at me and my daughter but after standing up for us both and telling him how upset he made us he apologised and was able to regulate quickly. I think that is the hardest part, not knowing when he will go into his down spiral. Having our doggie has helped but also added stress due to the puppy's toilet training. I see improvement in how quickly he is trying to regulate. I really hope it gets better and better over time.
How are you and Mr Shaz? I'm hanging around for a work call tonight at 10pm. So want to go to bed but I need to stay up.
It's very cold in Sydney 🥶🥶🥶. Hope you are both keeping nice and warm. Sending you 🫂 hugs and love xx
In response to: Re: Wives caring for Husbands
Shaz51Senior Contributor
I agree @Healandlove
That is the hardest part, will I say something or not , I have bit my tongue alot in the past
To let it go or not , but well done for yesterday xxx
Are you working today ? That is a bit later for a phone call
Look like husband has the flu , he is in bed
It was a cool 11 overnight 😎
In response to: Re: Wives caring for Husbands
HealandloveSenior Contributor
@Shaz51 , yes the knowing when to say something vs not adds to my anxiety. However when it comes to the kids I am a big mama bear and will always stand up to my husband if I see he is not being fair to the kids. And by that I mean if he puts harsh consequences in place because he can't deal with what they are doing, lacks the patience to be mindful of their feelings or is an absent father. I know he loves our kids but emotional connection is hard for him at times and it doesn't come naturally. Part upbringing, part petsonality and part cptsd. However after i point something out he always makes things right by the kids and with me. I will also stand up for myself always.
It is exhausting though. Hopefully therapy makes these difficult moments happen less and less.
I hope Mr Shaz's flu doesn't drag on and that you don't catch it too! I am currently down with something...sore throat and congestion.
Yes I report overseas so sometimes I have these late calls.
So cold in Sydney today. And I heard there's a top if 7 degrees in the Blue Mountains 🥶🥶🥶.
Having a cup of coffee and delicious chocolate cake with you and all our forum friends in my mind 🙂.
Hugs and hugs 🫂 dear friend 🧡
In response to: Wives caring for Husbands
HealandloveSenior Contributor
@Former-Member , I am so sorry. I thought I had replied to your message by saying I would be back to reply with a thoughtful reply. I must've not hit sent. My messages are so interrupted by children, puppy, husband...sigh. Please forgive me.
Truth is when I read your story about why you separated I was in tears. I can't believe you went through all that. How unkind does someone have to be (your husband) to do what he did! I am so sorry @@PinkFlamingo.
You are incredibly brave and I am so proud of you for making the decision to leave.
And you are living a happier life and building a career to help others. Oh my dear friend 🧡...I wish I could give you a hug. I hope you love yourself deeply and you tell yourself every morning that you are wonderful.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and I am sorry again for taking so long to reply.
These days everyday is more of a challenge that I care to admit. I am going to my first EMDR session on Friday.
Sending you hugs and live. Thank you for being here for us ❤️.
In response to: Re: Wives caring for Husbands
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Hello @Tootsy , @Healandlove
How are you going today xx
In response to: Re: Wives caring for Husbands
TootsySenior Contributor
@Healandlove @Shaz51 @tyme bit of a struggle tonight, hubs having a bad day and I got the ‘I need a carer that will look after me’ after I got home from work. I explained if I didn’t work then rent & bills wouldn’t be paid (isn’t that being a carer?) some days I’m just at a loss. I don’t know what to expect when I get home and that’s not good for my anxiety! Am I being selfish when everything needs to be about them? I’m getting bad headaches from the stress but I soldier on the best I can. Thanks for the vent x
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
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