I've had really bad day yesterday & today

Oh my sweet @Former-Member - you deserve so much better than how your brother and his wife treated you. Were they treating you coldly the whole time you were there?

Is this behaviour out of character for your brother? Or was it a one off? Is your brother having marital difficulties?

It is very hurtful my friend when those we love treat us carelessly - it sounds like your brother is under pressure from a controlling wife and he isn't strong enough to stand up to her. Not good.

I was thinking along the lines of @utopia in regards to talking to your brother about how you are feeling - perhaps ask him if he is alright and that you miss the closeness you had. Preferably without the knowledge and interference of his wife. It's personal between the two of you - ask him if he could keep it that way.

I think I remember you telling me that your parents were kind and you had a good relationship with them. Can you talk to them about the situation with your brother and that you are feeling unsupported? How are they acting towards you at the moment?

One thing is for sure my friend - if you feel there is no one in real life that you can turn to for support and family has let you down - then how you are feeling now, low and anxious, is normal. If you feel you can gain that support from hospital then that is a good thing (I know you can't take medication - so this hospital stay I presume would be therapy etc only). But if I may suggest - are there any face to face support groups where you can freely talk about how you are feeling and gain help and nurture friendships? I feel this is more of a long term solution for you that would help you not feel so alone and isolated. As well as joining different interest groups/courses and/or volunteer work - even if only one day per week. Different groups were you interact with others freely (not isolating).

In my line of volunteer work I have met so many people who are feeling alone and unsupported like yourself that find the friendships at the shop so uplifting - it makes a huge difference to their lives (volunteering and meeting people). I would like to see that for you too. What do you think? You have so much to offer @Former-Member and this will help build your confidence.

In the meantime we are here for you my friend. You have friends here and we would like to support you as you are valuable to us. Post everyday if you need to and we will be there for you. Sending lots of love xxx

@Former-Member

I dont know about hospital, I have never been able to get admitted.If you can manage out its better ... and give you confidence in your decision not to go in last fortnight.

Even the tiny bit you just posted is a huge burden for a young child to carry.

Glad you had a close feeling with your brother. I did with mine.

There a couple of scenarios ... SIL may be jugemental and unable to develop compassion and understanding or - she may be at the beginning of that road. If she genuinely loves your brother .. then her job is to try and understand ... yes try and connect with him alone .. and try and educate her a bit.

I saw my son's girl tonight .. her life is opposite to mine in some ways (has a gorgeous capable loving educated father) and the same as mine in others (she reminded me of me more than my own daughters) ... its weird ... we are both still trying, hugged quickly and came home .. both worried about my son who went AWOL. He is fine ...I am telling this story as I have been posting about her .. it is simlar in that it is the beginning of developing extended family culture ... and trying to show how things can be dynamic .. not fixed in concrete.

try not to throw the baby out with the bathwater in relationships.

It would hurt to feel looked down when you have already suffered and endured ... I had that too.

I do believe in the value of writing about it ... getting it out ... reflecting on it ... sharing .. maybe getting feedback ...

Even if your mum was desperate when you were young ... there is sure to be many extenuating circumstances. So you should not have to feel shame for and yourself as well as go through all that. These things dont happen in a vacuum .. or because we lost out in the genetic lottery ... so telling the story ... from this angle and then another angle .. helps us gain clarity and forgive or understand why people ..often our parents ... did what they did.

My thing with the Royal Commission .. is that now I understand dad was not just mad ... he had a whole lot of other characteristics and strengths ... and there were .... and ALWAYS are reasons.

I am not as nice in how I post .. I am old and tough gnarly .. but I do care about you ... we all try and give in different ways.

You have added a lovely energy to the forum .. dont let the pain overwhelm ...

Go gently

1/4 to 6

and son and I have been up all night ... I might give him a lift to the station soon

I am ok .. well past midnight snack of cinnamon lemon and sugar pancakes with my boy helped.

How are you?

@Former-Member - so sorry to hear you are so down and feel so unloved and unacknowledged.

Relationships with others are so hard. I have come to realise that mostly what people do has very little to do with me really. And disspointment is easy to generate when we have expectations. Everyone is doing the best they can, and that can be pretty crap really, esoecially if we are feeling alone and want them to give, do or be something they are not doing, being or giving us.

That utter feeling of aloneness... is crippling. I wonder if your wondering if you should not have cancelled admission to hospital is adding to your feelings of low selfworth. Second guessing ourselves like that is hurtful really, you made a decision. Now is another day and time and another decision may be called for.

I have not ever been hospitalised for any of my MI conditions, so do not know what inside is like, but if it makes you feel safe for a while and gives you breathing space to sort stuff out and strengthen yurself for the outside then maybe it is right for you.

Huge gentle hugs and just want to sit and have a cuppa with you and talk about anything... Like what makes your heart sing, when you have been well, what things have mad eyou glad to be alive?

Take care of you in there @Former-Member .... You are precious.

Ahh @Former-Member - just read what happen with your mother when you were a young girl. I never knew this - it would of had a such profound effect on you mentally and emotionally. Did anyone help you through at this time?Hugs.

It sounds like there is quite an age gap between you and your brothers and your mum had you later in life. She could of been going through the mid life change - major depression can result and irrationality can set in - especially those days as there was absolutely no help for sufferers (not a whole lot now either). And sometimes we do things not because we don't love our family but because we aren't thinking straight. Please don't let this effect your own personal value and worth as I am sure there is deep regret lying in your mothers heart. You are special my friend.

I hope you are having a better day. Thinking of you. Much love x