The safe room- somewhere to just come and sit.... offload... feel supported

No worries, @Iris , I wasn't going to mention any probiotic brand names.

Just posting here to challenge the thoughts that I deserve to be alone. But also wanting to push people away and don't know what to say.

@TheVorticon 💜💜💜💜 Hearing you, and sitting with you, if that’s ok with you.

Thanks @Maggie. I just feel inherently wrong but trying to convince myself that it's just my thoughts rather than reality. Your words and 'sitting with' are helping.

@TheVorticon I’ve been reading along the lines of ‘ inherently wrong’ , it might be very different for you, but for me it’s ‘disorganised attachment ‘. Nothing to do with the person feeling wrong, but the inadequacy of the parent/caregivers.

Sitting with you, no matter where the ‘ wrong’ comes from. 🎮🎮 I didn’t send a heart, but felt one. 😀😀

@TheVorticon No one ever deserves to be alone

no matter what...: there is always someone or something there with you

you may not realize it.... but someone you may have spoken to will be there thinking of you...: a loved one whether they be physically with or near you... or far away or even passed on will have you in their thoughts..... and of course here in the forums there are lots of fabulous people here with you virtually

we are just sitting... listening...: holding your hand.... just bring there

That's a term I floated with my psych almost a year ago @Maggie but he didn't want to use the "a" word so I didn't use it again. It only seems like a partial fit for me cause I'm more "avoidantly attached" for general stuff.

If it is that for me, it would have to be just caused by "little t trauma" and "not having emotions/feelings/interests/personal-stuff validated". I thankfully haven't experienced abuse, and that leaves me confused about why I am the way I am when I think my childhood was just normal.

I'm a bit scared to bring this stuff up again with my psych. He said last session that we can't keep talking about our relationship, but I dunno if it was just in the particular context (of me getting my feelings hurt and having to tell him over and over again... which I agree is not sustainable, but I think there could be other ways to discuss it that are more helpful) or a global ban-or-get-referred situation. Will be discussing approach with new counselor.

Thanks for the not-heart 🙂🎨

Thank you @Lostandalone. I occupy a weird space where I want to be seen by people sometimes and want to be invisible other times. My default is invisibility which makes it weird for me to want what you're talking about.

Hi All

I get the 'pushing people away' 😞 @TheVorticon what's happening with your psych? I pull & push with my psychs, but they know my patterns and wait & talk to me. At the moment I don't like them because I feel hurt & left alone. Every trauma is valid, there's no need to compare yourself. I wonder why I don't cope or can't get over it, but it doesn't really help either...

How is everyone? I'm making fruit spritzers for everyone who's in the warmer winter areas and proper hot chocolate for everyone else.

I want to cuddle the dog in my friends yard but it's a flea bag 😞 I don't want to feel alone.