Taken a while to get started here

Loneliness really sucks. "wipe the kids"? thats harsh. I am stupidly lonely and grieving a relationship I didnt want to end. Its really hard to think straight or be objective when youre lonely. I feel like my life is over. I know one day I wont feel like that. When? No idea, but I hope. You can live a long time on hope. Hang in there, theres a corner coming up. I hope this doesnt sound trite..

Hi @Chameleon

Welcome to the SANE forums! It's great to have you here and thanks for telling the community a bit about yourself. I so agree with you about lonelines. I'm sure the forum members will be able to offer you support, information and connection. I'm the moderator on duty right now. Feel free to ask the SANE forum team or the members if you need help with how to use the forum. And to notify a member just put a @ before their member name in your post as I have done above. You might like to check out the Guidelines as they can be pretty useful in understanding how it all works https://saneforums.org/t5/help/faqpage#community-guidelines.

Take care.

Whitehawk

Hi @SadUnicorn I hear you, hence the FindingStrength tag. Finding more strength than I ever knew I had, not that its easy - which is where a team of supporters are so essential. I'll tag @Former-Member who might be able to suggest some services in your area, if you can give that.

I've often heard that we do the best we can with what we have. It sounds like you have tried your best & I bet that has been your intention. As hard as it has been, the practice of self forgiveness & acceptance has helped me come to terms with the feelings of failure. Truly, we can only do the best we can with what we have at any given time.

I agree about the Psychologist comment regarding your children, strange advice. I've used chatlines & lifeline before in difficult moments & to talk through something that has really upset me and regularly see someone at Helping Minds but they are only in WA & NT. Also the Calm app is great, easy guided meditations to help with things like stress, anxiety, self esteem and on Youtube: The Mindful Movement has lots of helpful guided meditations....

There will be a way through this. Sending you care & support.

(Also, I meant be gentle on you...)

@Chameleon yes the lonelyness is making keeping thought straight. I have never experienced leaving a relationship and not having friends around do debrief with or even have a little fun as distraction. I am not into social media and such either. So there is a real craving for human contact and to find some sort of direction to find purpose and that corner

@SadUnicorn. The end of a relationship is like a death and grief is so normal in that place. Try to get out, walk, volunteer somewhere to get busy and have that social interaction you need.

@Chameleon Agree with what you are saying. Before this event I always seemed to have a lot to do. Now that routine is not there and finding new ideas and motivation is proving challenging. My hobby was a casualty of leaving andcannot ne restarted where I am now. In the back of my mind is having to move again within 12 mionths as this accomodation is provided for abusees and as it should be needs to be freed for others. Alone and whith an immune disorder affecting mobility just setting up here was horrid and totally draining. Now there is a kinda limbo tring to find direction with the uncertainty of where I will end up. Negative thought trains start too easy without distractions.

Today will have distraction as I have an appointment at the hospital. The previous environment had a lot of impact on my eyesight. I actuall went blind in both eyes for 3 months and it is a positive that I was able to work back from that. It has been so long with so much challenge and changing mentally and physically nevermind the abusive relationship. A positive is that physical health and sleep has improved since leaving. Just gotta get this mental side better and I do think enough new social interactions and some return of my own identity is the key.

Excersise has helped a bit, but more on the physical side so far.

Some things I used to do were motivated by benefit for the family and now trying to do such reminds me of that and motivation fails and unhappy thoughts come in.

Oh gosh, @SadUnicorn , you were blind for 3 months? And you regained your sight - how amazing! I am so glad to hear!

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@SadUnicorn wrote:

A positive is that physical health and sleep has improved since leaving. Just gotta get this mental side better and I do think enough new social interactions and some return of my own identity is the key.

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Wishing you all the best as you navigate on your journey. I'm glad that your sleep and physical health has improved....sleep is so critical.

@NatureLover there was years of vision issues leading up to the blindness. Even had a stess induced eye perforation! I won't bore with the deatail of how that happened but it was related to the abuse.

What I will say is it was one of lifes most increadible experiences regaining eysight after being blind - and very lucky. The sensations and new appreciations of colour, and looking at things in a way different to before was increadible! Wether countryside drives or very ordinary things it was all magic. Seing people in person took on a whole new meaning since then too. As time went by and with some work I opbtained enough out of my left eye to gain depth perception. Although challenging I am now legal to drive again and am happy to say the hospital refers to me as "their miracle man". I had an apoointment there today and many scans reaveal significant improvement since the change of environment. I geuss a positive amongst my heartache.

I implore you all to protect your eyesight and would help anyone whith my knowledge gained from that fight if wanted.

Sleep through the night, without the distarbances of TV every hour or so and phone bleeping messiages, I belive has been a critical thing to physical improvements - lest the occasional nightmares reiteration some of the last few years.

More confident after test results today means I will also try to explore these forums more. Maybe I can regain the same ability to fight back with the mental situation.