SadUnicornSenior Contributor
Taken a while to get started here
Hi,
Been through a lot and managed on a sad day to finally sign up here.
It has been hard because the abuse has meant that I am no longer confident in anything I say or how I say it.
I am trying to come to grips with living alone after services helped me leave the abusive relationship, but I grive for the four kids so much. Worse still I was seeing the behavoiurs affecting the kids and worry about them.
Clinical Depression, A form of BPD I cannot pronounce, anxiety, immune disorder complicating everything.
I have been forced silent by abusive ex, even when tried to "speak up and stay chaty" about suicidal, negative thoughts. "Don't be silly", and left.(this when still together)
A long story and was isolated from friends and most family early in the relationship - 9 years ago, so a lot got bottled up.
Love the kids, was my purpose there, and what held on through the abuse. Now losing contact making me so sad about it all as I will tell them what was going on.
All I did taken for granted and much lost to me, material and emotional, in my leaving.
Rebulding to some form of happiness seems impossible and struggle to do anything. A lonely limbo with nothing much else than thinking about the,abuse lies, hypocracy, infedelity and how it all aftected the kids, even though wanting to move forward.
Psychologist today, again, advises terminate all contact and wipe the kids as they have been a tool for further abuse - but how do I deal with my love for them? Paticularly when I hate this lonelyness so much
