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Changing meds

Changing meds

Hi. I battled MDD & acute anxiety nearly all of my adult life. I've been on numerous different SSRIs, SRNIs, antipsychotics, tried rTMS & ECT. Am addicted to a benzo for my anxiety.

I am in the process of swapping out from a SRNI to a MAOI and the wash out period is hell. I really don't think I'm going to make it. This is the darkest place I have ever been.
I have no family support, honestly no friends, not able to work & are completely isolated.

i don't feel my medical team actually care much anymore, they are overwhelmed by new clients because of covid.

i hardly sleep, but the last thing in my mind before I do, is how much I want to die. It's the first thought of the day when I wake up.

what if this new medication doesn't work either??

2972 replies

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In response to: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Hey @WIP !

So good to hear you took Levi for a walk - good on you both!

I had a pretty awesome day at work, then I went to the shops and bought toys for my nieces and nephews, then I had dinner out with work colleagues, then coffee at a cafe! So good to be out and about after such hard lockdowns.

I may not get up for work tomorrow - I'm still buzzing! But totally worth it!

Melbournians, let's celebrate!

@Eve7 , I think you've done really well after your ECT. I also hope you'll see improvements. Even if you don't see improvements, it'll be good to see if others do. Sometimes, changes are so subtle that we don't notice, but others certainly do! Hugs.

Hope you all have a good night's rest @WIP @Anastasia @Eve7

In response to: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Miss you L

really hope that you are going ok, and looking after yourself. Here if you need a chat xox

@WIP

In response to: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Thinking of you this morning @WIP and hoping there is some sun shining.

💙😋💙

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Thanks for your kind thoughts @Eve7 🧡

How are you going? Did you get a visit from your son yesterday?

I imagine the weekends drag a bit longer in hospital, than it does during the week. Have you been up to attending groups, or does your tiredness prevent you from doing so?

You must have past the half way mark of your hospital stay, or at least getting really close to it. That's pretty exciting!! I hope you are noticing slight improvements - even if you aren't yet - I'm sure people around you are.

🤗💛🧡

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Hi lovely @Anastasia

I'm battling along. There's no consistency in my moods, which makes things very frustrating, but I'm trying my best to keep my head above water.

How are you and your boy going? I hope all is well 🧡🤗

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Thanks for replying @WIP

S2 came late yesterday and we watched a movie together, The Race which is about Jesse Owens at the 1936 Olympics.

I’m so tired it’s crazy but I’ve been to some of the DBT groups which are deep to put it mildly.

It will be 4 weeks on Tuesday so 2 to go then I’m going up the coast with a couple of friends (hopefully) and then back to work haha but you never know.

Sometimes I feel ok, sometimes dreadful and sometimes everything in between. Does that make sense? Yesterday I cried and slept all day, today I smiled...all weird.

Enough about me, are you managing to get through today?

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Hi beautiful ❣️

It's so good to hear from you.

Sorry that you are still struggling, oh how I wish things improved quicker !! I have faith they will x

We are ok. My boys been reasonably stable and so life's ok. @WIP

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Hey @Eve7

I'm glad your S2 came to visit - that would have lifted your spirits!

I can't believe it's almost 4 weeks since you went I to hospital - that has gone so fast - but I don't imagine it feels that way for you. It's probably dragged on and on. If that's the case. The next 2 weeks should be a breeze for you, you're well and truely past the half way mark. WELL DONE!!!


"Sometimes I feel ok, sometimes dreadful and sometimes everything in between". I totally understand. That's the story of my life for the past 2 years almost and that's without mentioning the tears - which are a regular part of my day. Sometimes uncontrollable, sometimes just a quiet little weep till I can actually calm myself down without the aid of medication. I've been thinking of going into hospital for another round of TMS myself, but my pdoc has sternly said he wants me off the bz's first. So, I have the uphill battle ahead of me to do that 'slowly' over the coming weeks/months. I've developed a psychological dependance on them for sure - will find out soon enough if it's physical too (I suspect so).

Im glad you smiled today - that's a small win for you. I hope you continue to smile today 😊

WIP 🧡

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Hi lovely @Anastasia

I'm so glad to hear things are reasonably stable with your boy - that makes me smile. You must be feeling pretty good too, given he's travelling along better.

I'm doing a little better, but still struggling. The inconsistency of how this illness makes you feel is exhausting to say the least. I had plans for y'day but woke up feeling awful and wasn't able to push my way through. So it was a day housebound, crying and not doing much else. Today is a bit better though - which is something to be grateful for I guess.

enjoy the rest of your Sunday! 🧡

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

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