Changing meds

I am a bother, useless and a waste

of space @NatureLover @Zoe7

As usual, I've stuffed up.

Sorry.

You are not any of those things @WIP and in no way 'stuffed up' We care about you and want you to receive the best support possible ...and if that means gaining outside support AS WELL as support from us here then then that is important. Either way we are here with you but there is also only so much we as your peers can do.

You're definitely not a bother, a waste of space, or useless, @WIP . There's nothing to be sorry about - you're very ill and suffering. 😞

We care about you...

I'm so tired of being so very unwell.

i can't do it anymore.

i appreciate all the time you've given me, along with advice. I know I need help, but I'm beyond 'an hour call with a stranger' help. I've been trying for weeks to find a regular psychologist and have been unsuccessful. Every way I turn is a dead end.

Again, I'm sorry for commenting inappropriately.

You have not commented inappropriately @WIP We can hear the pain you are in and only want what is best for you. I also hear that connecting with a 'stranger' is not what would help right now though - I do get that - and not having a psych is frustrating when you have put so much effort into finding someone. We are still here listening so work with us to help us help you.

I'm sorry @Zoe7 , I feel like I have frustrated you with some of my posts, so I'll sign off tonight and try to get Levi to calm down and have some snuggles to hopefully calm down. I've just been in a heightened state of despair most of the day and it's turning into panic because I'm scared, I'm scared of what I'm feeling and also very scared of what I'm thinking.

I have another recommendation of a psychologist that 'may' have openings in October.

As always, I appreciate your time and advice and only hope one day I can repay the favour. xx

You have not frustrated me at all @WIP I am very concerned about you as you have been suffering immensely all day. The sad reality sometimes is all we can do here is listen and when we see someone going through so much for so long we need to also provide the best advice we can. When someone we care about is talking about life not worth it and/or struggling so much we also need to provide that advice to get help from someone more qualified - that is not that we are abandoning you or not here to continue to listen but we really do want what is best for you.

Take the time you need and by all means come back on if you need. Please tag me if you do so because I do care and want to be here for you when I can

Dear @Zoe7 @NatureLover @BPDSurvivor

I'd just like to thank you both for your support, listening ear and advice that you provided me last night. At the same time, I'd like to apologise if I was too 'intense' or 'triggering' in anyway, as I was talking about some really heavy negative feelings I have.

I slept ok last night, that is to my meds, but woke up in a sweat having a nightmare, which isn't unusual.

I'm in a very dark place, that I think you can all relate to. So, I'm asking for your help in the form

of holding out hope for me (& reminding me) that things will get better. It's going to take courage, strength and persistence - qualities I don't feel I have at the moment - but I hope to get there.

I really need to book in with a psychologist, and have emailed another lady who has been recommended. I'm wanting to go with someone on recommendation, as past experience of hit and miss has been damaging. They are just in such high demand given the current staye of things. Not being able to find one yet has contributed to my extreme low mood of late.

Once again, thank you. It's a new day today......I'm still distressed, but aiming for a shower & walking Levi, which will be an improvement on y'day. Small, but still an improvement.

Baby steps!

@Sam3

It's EXTREMELY common to feel like a burden when very sick (physical or mental ill-health in fact, but especially so with the at-times vicious 'black dog' - so we can acknowledge it's bark but in a different moment/space/year we can clearly see it is most certainly NOT a true reflection of how people who are lovingly connected with us actually think).

PS hope I didn't offend Levi with the dog comment! He's not black anyway from my recollection of your photo 🐶 whoops perhaps that wasn't quite the best thing to say either, but I'm sure you get my jist!

@WIP

Hi @WIP , I'm sorry you're still in the black hole today... Of course I can hold onto hope for you that things will get better for you - I'm convinced they can and will.

I seem to remember that some of the psychologists you have contacted already did have openings, but not for a month or two...I'd like to encourage you to maybe accept a psychologist despite the wait. I remember that I had to wait 3 months when I was at my most suicidal, to get into my psychiatrist, but it was worth the wait. So it's not uncommon to have to wait a few months to get in for a first appointment....and yes, I know Covid-19 is making things more difficult, unfortunately.

Good luck with your shower and walking Levi today...at least we've had some sun 🙂