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Changing meds

WIPSenior Contributor15 July 2020, 11:14 am AEST

Changing meds

Hi. I battled MDD & acute anxiety nearly all of my adult life. I've been on numerous different SSRIs, SRNIs, antipsychotics, tried rTMS & ECT. Am addicted to a benzo for my anxiety.

I am in the process of swapping out from a SRNI to a MAOI and the wash out period is hell. I really don't think I'm going to make it. This is the darkest place I have ever been.
I have no family support, honestly no friends, not able to work & are completely isolated.

i don't feel my medical team actually care much anymore, they are overwhelmed by new clients because of covid.

i hardly sleep, but the last thing in my mind before I do, is how much I want to die. It's the first thought of the day when I wake up.

what if this new medication doesn't work either??

2972 replies

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In response to: Changing meds

WIPSenior Contributor11 July 2021, 6:23 pm AEST

Re: Changing meds

Thanks for thinking of me @Anastasia

Really, really challenging day today. Im

Barely hanging on. My mindset is 'what's the point' I have no one & it wouldn't matter if I were gone. I'm just a burden on my mum & the pain I cause her, makes me feel even worse, so I've been avoiding her.

In response to: Re: Changing meds

AnastasiaSenior Contributor11 July 2021, 6:52 pm AEST

Re: Changing meds

Oh @WIP I'm so sorry 💔

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Unknown userMember11 July 2021, 8:08 pm AEST

Re: Changing meds

Hi there @WIP, I just wanted to pop by and say we're here for you this evening. How have you been taking care of yourself today?

If you feel like you need some extra support this evening do reach out to someone you trust or contact a helpline.

Thinking of you,

Sphinxly.

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Eve7Senior Contributor11 July 2021, 8:23 pm AEST

Re: Changing meds

I grew an orchid for you @WIP 💜🤗💜

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Zoe7Senior Contributor11 July 2021, 10:56 pm AEST

Re: Changing meds

@WIP Just popping in to say it WOULD matter if you were gone. We here would miss you - it may not seem much at present but it does matter - YOU matter

In response to: Re: Changing meds

outlanderSenior Contributor11 July 2021, 11:39 pm AEST

Re: Changing meds

Sending love @WIP here for you too ❤

In response to: Re: Changing meds

AnastasiaSenior Contributor11 July 2021, 11:40 pm AEST

Re: Changing meds

Goodnight my precious @WIP 🌹💐🙏💕🐾🐕❤️

In response to: Re: Changing meds

WIPSenior Contributor12 July 2021, 9:32 am AEST

Re: Changing meds

I'd just like to wake up without this immediate hopelessness that depression makes me feel @Anastasia @outlander @Zoe7 @Eve7 @Former-Member

The mental anguish is too much these days. I'm a fighter & very persistent, but I'm losing this batttle. I don't even want to compete any more

In response to: Re: Changing meds

AnastasiaSenior Contributor12 July 2021, 9:39 am AEST

Re: Changing meds

I'd love nothing more than that for you too @WIP. Now that lockdown has lefted when is your admission hun?

Sending you love L and Levi 💞🐾🐕💞

In response to: Re: Changing meds

WIPSenior Contributor12 July 2021, 9:58 am AEST

Re: Changing meds

We were never in lockdown, I was a bit fearful we might go into lockdown, and I wasn't ready for hospital. Not even capable of packing my bag if that makes sense - I couldn't think straight @Anastasia

I see my pdoc later this week and will talk about going into hospital. He's on holidays next week, so I guess it will be the week after. He's worried about my drinking, which hasn't been going very well -'it's my form of self medication and and self harm really. Drink to not think. But I'm working hard on it. I'm more worried about my depression. It's not getting any better. A vicious circle really - alcohol contributes to depression, but it also aliviatres for a short period of time.

Just feel absolutely awful @Anastasia and so lonely, but no confidence to get out there. Another vicious circle.

I've been like this for so long, and I'm barely holding on. I don't know what to do, I truely don't know what to do. Its taking its toll.

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