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Changing meds

Changing meds

Hi. I battled MDD & acute anxiety nearly all of my adult life. I've been on numerous different SSRIs, SRNIs, antipsychotics, tried rTMS & ECT. Am addicted to a benzo for my anxiety.

I am in the process of swapping out from a SRNI to a MAOI and the wash out period is hell. I really don't think I'm going to make it. This is the darkest place I have ever been.
I have no family support, honestly no friends, not able to work & are completely isolated.

i don't feel my medical team actually care much anymore, they are overwhelmed by new clients because of covid.

i hardly sleep, but the last thing in my mind before I do, is how much I want to die. It's the first thought of the day when I wake up.

what if this new medication doesn't work either??

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In response to: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Oh @WIP that is not at all ideal 😔

I'm sorry.

Yes day two nearly done.

Yes, I had to get a repeat. I feel dreadful.

Hope tonight is an improvement dear L hugs x

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

You've certainly had a nasty bout of sinusitis @Anastasia I'm sorry that you feel dreadful still. I do hope you start to improve soon.

I hope tonight's sleep improves. I was hoping the Dr would prescribe something to help me, but he didn't today and made the comment that the first night is usually very disrupted for most patients. He'll check on me again 2mrw, so if I struggle again tonight, I will see if there's anything he can prescribe short term.

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

It’s good the group went well @WIP but I’m sorry you didn’t sleep well and consequently had a headache and backache.

I really hope you sleep tonight and your pain eases.

So youre crossing off day 2...well done you! I am proud of you.

💜🤗💜

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Thank you @Eve7

I've crashed a bit this afternoon, the pain is quite bad and upsetting. I'm overthinking that I won't be able to sleep again and in turn, making myself anxious 😞

I don't like being here. I would prefer to be at home, resting in my own bed, with cuddles from Levi. It's lonely being here....

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Yes, I hear you @WIP hospital is lonely and harder if you’re in physical pain. I am sorry you are anxious about sleeping tonight and that you miss Levi.

Can you listen to some calming music? Do they have camomile tea there?

Its good that pdoc will see you again tomorrow. Hold on tight my friend.

Sending lots of love

💜💚💜

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

I knew you'd understand how I'm feeling @Eve7


I've had a camomile tea & about to have another one.

How are you going? I hope you are feeling better than the other day.

🤗🧡🤗

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

My day has been hard but I’m a bit better this evening @WIP

I’ve Just had a tim tam with my camomile and meds. I think chocolate is good prn.

Do you have a picture of Levi with you?

💜💚

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

I'm sorry that you've had a hard day, but glad you are a bit better this evening @Eve7 Good on you!

Haha, chocolate is a good prn for sure.

I've got many photos of Levi on my phone & Mum sent through a photo of home this afternoon, after he'd been playing outside in her courtyard while it had been raining. His fur was looking a bit scruffy, but he also looked very happy being with Mum. I think she's enjoying his company too.

💜💚

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

I’m glad Levi is safe with your Mum and that she is enjoying his company @WIP

You are lucky to have such a beautiful fur baby to shower you with love..

In response to: Re: Changing meds

Re: Changing meds

Feeling overwhelming loneliness and sadness today. I'm not liking being here. The nurses are caring and I'm developing a decent r'ship with my new pdoc. However group was triggering this morning - everyone referenced the support they have from family & friends and it was difficult as I don't have any friends (truely IRL I have none) & it's only my Mum who I have family wise.

I've got such a long road ahead of me and I'm doubting myself again if I have the strength to put one foot in front of the other each day. I hate the roller coaster of my MI.

I haven't cried for a few days, but today the tears are flowing. 😢

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