Changing meds

Here with you @WIP and always only a tag away 💚💕💚

@WIP 👋🐾🐕🌻🤗🙏💞

Not doing so good @Anastasia

I appreciate you dropping by though.

🦋🐾🌸

I'm so sorry to hear @WIP

Thinking of you and praying for a change for you ❤️🐾🐕🌷🌼❤️

My old pdoc scheduled an emergency call

this morning @Anastasia

He caught up with the lady psychiatrist who won't take me on as a patient. And I think my new psychologist had updated him on how bad I am at the moment and are just barely holding on, and he's actually listened.

He was blunt with no compassion as I explained everything that's happened since I saw him last and bottom line in he wants me in hospital to detox from these anti anxiety meds he just kept

prescribing me over the last 14 months (mainly to cope with lockdown anxiety).

Deep down I know it's what I need to do, but am so overly cautious about doing it under his care. I don't like him, I don't trust him. Last time they did this to me (I had to stop before ECT), I sat in my room crying all day, everyday, not being able to sleep at all. And the nurses just left me there. Poking their head in occasssionally just to check.

Im scared I'm not strong enough to do it, but even more scared of him.

Would you go in as a public patient @WIP ? If he believes it's what you need and deep down you know, can you be admitted under someone else?

im truly sorry that things are still so difficult for you. This may be a good call though? What you need to do.
🤗

Deep down I know it's what I need to do @Bow

I just wasn't ready for the discussion this morning.

This pdoc is very harsh and I'm so frightened of how he'll treat me if I'm really struggling with the process. He'll just ignore me & leave me crying in the corner of an awful room.

Ive got private insurance that includes psychiatry.

Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry but I am also so happy that finally he's listening...maybe this admission will be different? Detoxing is going to be awful but at the other end I am certain you will be better for it. Those pills are awful and the reason why I won't allow my boy to be prescribed them. I have them for me as emergency only. They scare me. I'm sorry that you have become dependant through no fault of your own and now you have the horrible task of detoxing. Just really doesn't seem fair hey?

I am holding you in my heart tightly whilst you make up your mind as to what to do. I know you'll make the best decision for you dear L XOX

@WIP

No, it isn't fair @Anastasia

I accept some of the responsibility of taking them, as I needed them to get through the anxiety of moving Mum out of her house , then covid hit and he just kept giving me script after script. And the.n when we tried a new antidepressant that caused my insomnia, he told me to up the nighttime dose!!

I'm just so very frightened of him and how bad detox will be. But I am also very unwell, and if getting this stuff out of my system will help my levels of anxiety & depression (like he says it 'should'), I've gotta give it a go. I am a breaking point, barely holding on. He finally asked me about SI today, and I explained it's a daily battle.

Im going to try slowly tapering over the next 3 - 4 weeks and then be admitted.

Mum is going away again in 3 weeks, so I don't have anyone to mind Levi. The pdoc today didn't really see that as a good enough excuse.

I'll have to create a list of questions for our next appt, so 'we' agree on a plan and I'm aware of what is going to happen. No surprises of AP drugs to help me sleep etc

I'm really scared @Anastasia Been crying all day, can't think straight. I've just been treated so badly by medical professionals of late, that has left me with scars. I just don't trust him, and he talks down to me as though it's my fault I suffer from MI.....but what choice have I got.

I'm so scared and can't calm down.

I don't know what to do.