I am struggling at the moment

Hi @Former-Member

"Chin Up" - yes - good idea when the Black Holes are about - who wants to fall into one they didn't expect if a Black Hole can be snuck past without notice - I am all in for it

Fridays are busy days - I have my 3 meals delivered around 8.00am - I get three a week - and they have changed the menu and taken the steamed cod off - that is disappointing - I have been enjoying that

Then I have domestic care - and then shopping and then I see my doctor and yesterday I felt as useful as an odd sock - I had felt busy on Thursday and cleaned out one of the shelves in my wall unit - and my treasures look wonderfully and briefly shiny but I haven't put them all back yet

DD is so caught up with TS we have had a conversation about Christmas Day - the only thing I insist on is seeing her on Christmas Day but it seems to me that TS wants everyone at her place early for Christmas Dinner and I am not going because I choose not to - so what a relief - DD and GD and SIL are coming for brekky here and they are bringing it so I need to get the lounge tidy and get a folding table set up so start by cleaning the dusty shelves - and do a little each day - and deck the walls with lots of shiny stuff - etc

I can only speculate why TS wants to control everyone's lives but she does - she can't control mine - and she has gone to far for me to care anymore - so when DD said they were coming for brekky - and they are cooking a special brekky - that feels really special

But should I have watched FIRST CONTACT or not - which was about our Indigenous People - something important to me - @Appleblossom - I'm tagging you about this - I feel as if I have to write something to SBS about this - or NITV - but that's enough for this thread

So yes @Former-Member - the next anniversary is in two weeks - last year I found myself having unplanned dental surgery on the last anniversary of son's adoption - that was bad enough to ache as if the demons had hatched a colony in my jaw and my back objected violently - I refuse to have anything happen on the 16th - it will be another Friday and I will be busy - and life will go on

I have thought about your Mum @Former-Member - will all that is said and done most of all I read that you are lonely - and this I understand - I tend to feel rather isolated or a lot isolated - I have had time to know myself and feel okay inside my skin most of the time - I agree with my own opinions - and it is not easy being isolated or lonely but

But for me to get back into my family I would have to suck up to TS and I ain't about to do that - so I understand how it can be - but I don't want to spend my time with disaggreeable people

Do you - really?

Lots of hugs @Former-Member

Dec

Hi @Former-Member, just checking in. I've been thinking about a post I want to write. I'm so sorry I worried you. I have been in a really bad place and not appropriate to post in crisis. This second I'm ok but it keeps coming.

glad you're ok @Former-Member - i hope that the intensity of what's going on for you lessens a bit soon.

Thanks @Former-Member - not really sure how i'm going myself anymore.

Not quite keeping up with all posts either, just ones i'm tagged in or most recent, so if i've missed someone/soemthing... sorry

lj

Thanks @Former-Member. I've come to the conclusion that I'm really quite mad/crazy. All the best for this week. Let's hope the shutting down emotionally you are feeling is an ok coping strategy for now.

@Former-Member

i've come to the same conclusion.. think i've flipped..... it was bound to happen. two weeks to go now

lj

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

It is good to hear from you

Enjoy your adventures around the UK and hopefully seeing new places. I've not been to the UK or Europe since I was ten years old, I hope to get back one day.

I have just been out most of the day and actually enjoyed it and I was able to feel comfortable actually socializing with others - I think that was a bit of a confidence booster.

I hope you have a great day

Hi @Former-Member,

im so sorry that you were having such a hard time last night and that things got messed up on this thread. I'm not really sure where you were at or what you needed at the time. I was in a very dark and dangerous headspace at the time and about to SH in a dangerous way. For me when I post on here a few members but especially @Former-Member and @Faith-and-Hope have helped me be safe in the past. Unfortunately I have not been safe in 2013, 2014, 2015 and have been hospitalised many time requiring treatment. I have done life threatening things before when I lose control. This year I have come close many times but luckily have kept my record of staying safe. Last night for me was the hardest one yet. I am very lucky that those who know me enough realise this and offer help often straight away and I feel blessed for this. It has kept me safe on quite a few occasions this year. I'm really sorry I wasn't able to help you out and realise all you wanted was to help each other and I'm glad you kept calling out and everyone was there for you too. I didn't mind you posting here at all it was just bad timing as I ended up in crisis. I am also not supposed to post in crisis so I guess this isn't fair much either that you got caught up with it. I hope today has gone better for you. Sending hugs💜🤗💐