I am struggling at the moment

Hey @Former-Member did you get the desktop site on your mobile? 😊 Love the pics. I will download the motivation one and keep on my phone. I hope you are ok

thinking of you too @Former-Member did you get enough sleep? It put a smile on my face when I saw your message earlier but I was feeling out of whack to respond properly.

thanks @utopia yeah the ideal is not to go but I was a mess and couldn't see an end in sight. I'm a bit calmer this minute. I hope your world is going ok and your rest yesterday helped.

thanks @Faith-and-Hope. I'm coming around to plan b. Who knows by tomorrow I may not need it. I hope your day has gone well.

my fave emoticons have gone haywire and replaced them all. Sendings hugs 🤗 all round

Hi again @Former-Member

I did get enough sleep but I didn't get out of bed until after 1pm because didn't to get sleep until about 6.30am. I've not done much today, just been and done a grocery shop and I took Kira for a walk. I have also spoke to my mum on the phone and send off a few emails.

I am glad I was able to make you smile @Former-Member

The other reason mention the sleep is that I know my depression is getting worse when I get to sleep before 2am and I sleep past 10.00am that it more likely to be my depression. I didn't phone my Dr today but I am going to phone to make an earlier appointment.

What are you up to tonight? Are u feeling any better? Have u started to pack for hospital?

I'm just going to start on dinner but I will be back online later. Take Care

Hi @Appleblossom,

i was like you too with never being learning to express anything but joy. I never answered back or thought I had a voice. The one time I did answer back I paid for it hugely. Perhaps that is the core of the segregated parts of us or perhaps the under developed parts. I was considered a placid, happy child and left to my own devices. I now know that I missed out on developing so many parts that I needed as an adult because I always waited for everyone else's needs to be met. I'm imagining perhaps you were similar. @Former-Member perhaps you were similar too. Please tell me if I'm wrong.

One of the ways I know I'm at the bottom @Former-Member is when I don't get out of bed for days. I had only spent 2 hours in total out of bed since Thursday and not eaten a meal. I only make a maximum of 15 mins up at a time before I'm exhausted. Today I had to rest on the couch at my therapists office for an hour before I came home as I couldn't move. She bought me a coffee to help make the journey home (yes very spoiled). I am ashamed of this part of me but I know when I'm ok I can have a whole day on the go and be fine. I hope you get your sleep clock back. I only slept 3 broken hours of sleep last night. Although I'm in bed I'm not sleeping much at all again.

Thanks so much for your support too @BlueBay. I hope your day was better. I liked your Facebook post. I can't believe after I read your post I checked my Facebook. The only mention I saw of mental health week was SANE and lifeline. Not one friend posted anything. I'm kind of shocked really.

@utopia I think your post helped me realise that this break is very much needed to get help to sort out my relationship with my son as well. Something needs to change urgently. Today after an argument I was so scared of what was going on I'm my head. My therapist backed this up too so you are on the money for this. I nearly always find something helpful in everyone's post 😊.

Hugs to all 💜😊🤗 (got my emoticons sorted)

this has helped distract a little😊

I'm very much the same @Former-Member . Your not wrong at all. We are definitely on this journey together.

Btw there is not failure in asking for help at all. I think you need to eat more and taking better care of you. I know myself I have always put other peoples needs before mine. To me you sound very depressed, because when I was very depressed I couldn't sleep hardly and I was struggling to eat and drink.

I now can understand why volunteering might not be right for you atm. I think you need to put yourself first and take off any pressure you have placed on yourself. Thank you for thinking of me and explaining things I struggle to put into words. I really appreciate the friendship we have and I truly mean this. I did learn about bottom down behaviours when I was in hospital and that basically means we are at risk at relapsing or have relapsed.

I know you see your therapist weekly but what about psychiatrist or GP. You could look online at the black dog institute (self test). Even though you are going into hospital for a plan admission but I know you still need to do the assessment- I actaully think you should be in their longer because you are barely functioning and I think you need more support.

I know when I was functioning like you it took quite a long stay in hospital for me to improve and I was very thankful for the help and support I received. I think what help the most was having the day to day pressure taken off me and also to have the therapy I needed. To be honest I was too unwell to engage too much in it at the time. I think I now it would help me a bit more. I'm not sure how long I will let my sleep go before I think about going into hospital.

I am happy to hear your therapist is helpful to you and she seems like a very nice person. I hope they can help you tomorrow and that you can go into hospital.