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Something’s not right

I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember23 July 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember10 Oct 2016, 11:14 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

It is help @utopia. I'm thinking of asking to go to hospital but I feel like such a failure about it now. It would only be for a few days. For most people going is ok but it's something I'm supposed to be avoiding. Talk later

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember10 Oct 2016, 11:52 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Morning @Former-Member, keep hanging in there, rest, all the best with your apt this morning - just be honest. I have the problem of putting on a bubbly 'coping' front and fall in a heap when alone. Its automatic. What do you hope to gain from a few days in hospital? Routine, face to face talks, company, reassurance, a break (escape) from home...
Let me know how it goes. 🐳🐋🐟�💙💜

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember10 Oct 2016, 12:08 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

What is EQ?
Yes I find anger, something that is shameful, because every time I had a meltdown as a child,later young adult...I'd be looked at like I was wrong, acting irrationally...thing is I was deeply upset.
So yes, I can relate to the things you mention about intellectualism...a different face to cover to the feelings, cheerful demeanor, easy going nature..

But I am sorry @Former-Member you have been very low.
I think the guy who spoke on his bi polar you tube clip for MHW...made sense to me...about the lows..it's a horrible thing. Nothing fixes it.
But you are in my thoughts 💜🌌⛅😉

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor10 Oct 2016, 12:19 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

That's what my in-law family were like @Former-Member ..... when I was overwrought and distressed I became a laughing stick for displaying my feelings, instead of meeting with empathy and support. I believe that is all part of what WH needs to come to terms with underneath the ed issue ..... amongst other things ..... so glad I could teach my kids a different way, and WH supported me in doing that .... he sees the value in it even tho it wasn't available to him .... and he tells the kids that sometimes, revealing emotional abandonment issues with his dad particularly.

You are setting a new pattern for your kids too, as are others who are battling with emotional .... it means they are real and worth fighting for .... the kids don't miss the point ....

Just keep on loving ...... ❤

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor10 Oct 2016, 12:23 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Former-Member

EQ - Emotional Qotient ..... aka IQ for the emotions ..... emotional intelligence .....

Schools have worked out that it's highly valuable and needs to be fostered and taught ....

High in my mum, moderate in my dad, low in my 2 x siblings, very low in in-laws ...... part of "reading the room" .....

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember10 Oct 2016, 12:59 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I see, you know I will bring this up at my next therapy session too. Thank you @Faith-and-Hope.
When I reflect my mother's family was so enclosed, all her sibblings are affected, & I've always found their stout way so frustrating. I did once say to my psychologist that I think I help my mum to talk too. She agreed. My sibblings have been affected too. It's so bad sometimes, when I speak they change subject!!! Lol...I began to back away as a result.
But it's all learning, sometimes another tact has to be taken to make in-roads too!
Yes, I can see how this would greatly affect WH...that makes a harder road for him, but on the flip side his love shows in his support of you.
Real positives there, against some massively tough challenges.
Wel I best make coffee, just took walk to get little man off to sleep, & remembered I have an appointment. Whoops. But at least I remembered!! 😉

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember10 Oct 2016, 4:37 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Afternoon @Former-Member

I'm thinking of you babe

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember10 Oct 2016, 5:00 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

💕 @Former-Member I've been avoiding posting 😔. Thanks heaps @Former-Member, @Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member, @utopia, @Appleblossom and everyone I have forgotten, I'm sorry I'm so tired and forgetful at the moment.

Today I fell into a heap with my counsellor and admitted defeat for now. At this stage I have an appointment tomorrow with the mental health team and if they think it warranted I will be admitted into the mental health short stay unit at the local hospital for three days. I keep falling backwards. I'll also be able to access some medication in hospital I'm not allowed at home to relax and sleep. There is also some psychological help hopefully too. It effectively is respite again. I need to break this as I'm constantly self destructing, massively over reacting and have no reserves left to fight.

Thanks as always for your support. Will be around still no doubt. Sending hugs and best wishes to everyone💜💜💜💐💐💐🤗🤗🤗

PS @Kurra I've been thinking of you and hope this work stint is going ok. You must be close to being able to rest. I really hope it's all going well. Sending hugs and best wishes your way too. 🤗💜💐🍺

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

AppleblossomSenior Contributor10 Oct 2016, 5:17 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Dear @Former-Member You have developed the support system you have so its best to use it.

@Former-Member Daniel Goleman introduced the concept of EQ. It is a vaulable idea but not the be all and end all.

As in it doesnt really relate well to weird (like multiple attachment & orphanage living) and ethnically diverse cultures. Yet it does give us away to discuss and work through things.

A couple of people have said that I have very good emotional and social skills ... I did the emotional cheat sheet with emoticon type drawings like @Former-Member mentioned... when I was 24 at primal ... in 1984 ... before the net. I now believe that EQ also needs to be related to specific environments to be really helpful. It is a tool like many others.

re anger .. It is the situation you described for most people who experience despair, suicidal ideation and self harm ... somehow we need to be able to grab hold of the Good Anger ... the Firm Strength .. that has moral conviction behind it ...

I never had tantrums as a child or a teen ... I checked with mother .. I had to be taught about the importance of anger by a gestalt therapist ... I answered my mother back only a few times in my last year before I left home ... so I wasnt exactly the cheekiest "by nature .. but what is that anyway .. maybe I just the daylight scared out of me very young.... I saw it as ugly stuff that horrible people did who werent in my family. So much for all my wisdom .. lol.

For a single mums raising kids .. there does need to be some support ... if it doesnt come from the family, father or the inlaws ... it needs to come from somewhere .. our society is "outsourcing support.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember10 Oct 2016, 6:00 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

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