Hi @Former-Member
From one intellectualiser to another ... 
Rather than disown that part of me .. I worked on the feeling bit ... so I can do both ... but .. it did not always look nice. 
when the feelings come and you are not used to living in your feelings ... the intensity is hard to recognise and put words to.
Anger is especially scary .. because we have split it off and so are not comfortable with lt .. we can moralise about why ..
I felt if I was an out of control high pressure water hose.
Yes I could talk myself into some very crazy mindsets about reasons to suicide. I had put enough of my time & energy into that way of thinking .. it can still show up when I least expect it .. but I am learning to tame it ... but need to keep warning myself not to get cocky ...or that I have it licked .. so I make a caveat ..and notice how long it is since I have been very troubled ... enjoy the positive changes ... but never say never ...
Another part of myself kept making plans for life ... or more to the point my kids' lives ...
which was just as well.
I was at odds with myself but the different bits of me didnt really talk .. but were very strong .. I did need to develop a concious way self-talk .. that included all of me ... not just the bits I thought were acceptable ... it was not about rationality .. it was about living and feeling.
Intellectualising .. isnt all bad ... if it relates to your truth .. if you are feeling as intensely as SH .. then I would say .. you have huge feelings .. but havent yet found ways to name them and express them in
socially acceptable ways ... or maybe motherly ways .. in many senses "socially acceptable" is bull... as feelings dont bow down to convention ... but just are.
Cos I did primal in my 20s .. I had a strong commitment to feelings .. but feelings in a primal room are not the same kind of feelings that are useful in navigating life ... I was hopeless at EQ.. and at naming my own feelings .. I read books that described other people's experiences.
We have to find enough links (images/words that show understanding). You are better at 'feeling talk' than I am ... we need to depth to understand SH urges ... EMDR .. is another way ...
I am not doing that .. my approach is narrative. Maybe you can do it through your art.
Your post about being thrown into SI by a small irrelevant trigger of the tree ... is on the ball .. not rambling or intellectualising. Yes it is an over-reaction ... but you are expressing and owning it.
Feelings are not completely separate to thoughts or events ...
the toe bones are connected to the ... feet bones ... shin bones ???
