I am struggling at the moment

I am proud that you made it through too @Former-Member - that was good work

After my mother died the CAT was here because I was sitting here screaming - and they decided I was okay and left - but I would never go to a psyche clinic or a psychiatrist because I am sure they would take my pain medication away - and no way will I let that happen - so I get it about not going

Now - this is a rhetorical question - why is Bi-Polar-Disorder so badly handled? - I was wrongly dxd with that after my son died - a year of severe grieving with migraine and good spells where I was busy catching up with myself and back into the grieving - is perfectly normal - I had a good psychologist who helped me out of that and the medication - and the world came painfully back but in time I recovered from that as well -

But why the bad press? Before he died I was dxd with depression and anxiety - and it was reactive depression which seems to be perfectly okay - no medication for that either - just going in and out of the revolving door for a few days sedation and rest from the constant strain of my life -

It's a puzzle - you have three letters after your name and from where I sit I see that you are very fragile - and you have played hard and fast with your life and now you are trying to get up and out of all that

But denigrating you as if your were bad - worse - naughty and immature or whatever adjective fits - this is just plain victimisation - you deserve better - we all deserve better

Actually - from what I have been reading - you sound pretty fantastic to me - I have read what you have written through your darkest nights of our soul and you get through - and this has to be good

Decadian

I also must go to bed - but having napped this afternoon maybe I will be up again through the night

You sound so much better @Former-Member

Whatever techiques work - I have found my own ideas work for me - one thing is true

Everytime you have a bad spell and make it through - you strengthen that part of yourself that wants to improve - and holding fast to that - and thinking about your alternatives and choosing - as you have been - not to cross the line - you will get stronger -

And I do know how hard it is

Goodnight - I will chat again soon

Dec

@Decadian Those three letters BPD stands for borderline personality disorder. That is what BPD is. I think bopalar is BD but mostly referred to as bipolar disorder 1 or 2. The irony is I don't even meet the full criteria for BPD as I have DPD with BPD traits but when I enter the hospital system my diagnosis is BPD. The nurses will say to each other "oh she's BPD" like another whole class of human. I get it but not like any diagnosis not everyone presents the same. The biggest issue for people with BPD is our ability to manage our emotions. We let our emotions rule and we feel everything so easily and deeply.

Just saw you are heading off. Sleep well. 💜😊🤗💤😴

@Former-Member Sorry to hear you have been having a hard time, but I am glad the nurturer in you has prevailed in your battle with yourself.

Somehow over time if we drop more healing self-talk and positive "mind moments" into our psyches .. it becomes the stronger part.

I accept that there is a small part of me that wants out .. and that it can get very towy and bolshie if I allow it ...

It is important to understand the "hurt self" and why "acting out" and self destructive behaviours seem like a good idea .. at the time.

It takes enormous effort and awareness to counter the urges.

It was also amazing to realise one day ... that I didnt have to struggle with my demons or whatever they were .. that I had a lot of peaceful weeks and then months ..

Thinking of you

Walking with you

Glad Tawney and others could be with you.

Thanks @Appleblossom,

just when I think I have it more under control I learn that I have a way to go and when I'm in deep all logic goes out the window. Did you learn to pull yourself out from the deep better or learn ways not to get in so deep to start with? The thing is although I assume I was depressed it wasn't that that was causing me so much pain. I was hugely over reacting to everything. I got so incredibly distressed over small things and at the time you can't see any of it you just need it to stop.

I've been thinking about you. How did your trip away go. How are you going?💜😊🤗

Hi @Faith-and-Hope,

how are you going too? I hope all is going smoothly at your end. 💜😊🤗

Hi @Former-Member .... if you're still up .... and @Appleblossom @Decadian ..... 😊

Tonight was lovely, and relaxing ..... just what the doctor ordered really ....

No news yet re D3 ..... but I wasn't thinking about it much tonight. Taking a mind-break I guess .... part of the value of staying busy, distracted ....

Doing a bit of an unwind before bed. It's nice to hear everybody chatting now ....

I hope you all rest well. Tomorrow is another day. Maybe that is a bit of a trite saying for some, but for me it means it's time to "down tools" for a while and take a break ..... today has been full enough .... time to leave whatever else aside and pick it up again tomorrow.

😘 ...... ❤️